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Writers Retreat > Student Talk > Idea Sparkers > Constipated on a good story
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Ambidextrous
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« on: August 04, 2011, 12:30:26 AM »
Hey, guys! I'm working on writing a story, but I can't seem to get my head around it. Have any ideas?

I haven't been able to get this story outta my head. I keep trying to write it, but I can't seem to get my mouth around it.

The story is: a guy, Sam,  meets a girl, Debby, when he's twelve, promises to marry her, but tells not a soul. Shortly afterwards, Sam's and Debby's families have a falling out, in which Debby's family shuns his family. But Sam can't get his promise to marry Debby out of his head, and keeps waiting for Debby's family to accept his family again so he has a chance to complete his promise.

He prays to God about her, and God gives him chance encounter after chance encounter with Debby. Still, her family shuns him, and Sam hears God tell him to wait.

After nine years of waiting for her, Sam finally gets sick of it, and then, after talking to God, God lets him write the letter. He writes the letter to Debby's father, telling him the whole story, asking Debby's father to let Sam in or tell Sam to get lost.

Sam's father tells him to get lost, and Sam finally walks away.

I'm having difficulty; it seems like a story without apparent conflict and an anticlimatic ending. If I could get this story out of my head, I'd walk away, but it keeps rattling around, trying to be told.

Any thoughts on troubleshooting the tale?

Thanks so much--
John
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mariah
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« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2011, 01:38:52 AM »
I know exactly how you feel. I've had this happen to me over and over again. I can't stop thinking about something, but just don't have enough to work with to make it into a great story yet. It's very frustrating.

However, this story reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. Which had a clear problem, and so does yours. I just think the problem you're having is that Sam is giving up. Don't let him! Make him fight for her. Force him to earn her parent's approval.

You could turn him into a cop, and Debbie is held hostage and he's the one who saves her...that could earn their approval...or he's a Doctor and she has a rare desease that he finds a drug that will help her...there's always a situation to put him and her in so that he wins in the end. (It doesn't have to be as dramatic as my examples...they were the only two situations I could think of off the top of my head. Sorry)

Anyway, I think you have the workings of a great story here. Just don't let your MC give up on the girl he loves.
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ColoradoKate
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« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2011, 12:00:58 PM »
Hi, John, how's the acting going?

You've got conflict here all right: boy wants girl, can't have her. But I agree that the ending is very unsatisfying... and a bit confusing. You've given God a big role here, and yet if the story is really over where you've ended it, what was the point of God arranging for them to meet, and telling the boy to wait, and then telling him to write the letter? I know, I know, "mysterious ways." But I think, given the way you've set it up, that there needs to be some sort of God-guided resolution for the boy at the end. Maybe he meets someone else, and that was God's plan all along. Maybe he struggles and struggles and comes up with a way for the families to make up, and then gets the girl. Maybe he becomes a monk. Maybe he turns evil and kidnaps the girl and has to earn redemption somehow after that.

It needs an ending that resolves things for Sam, is all. That's what I think!
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kiboyd
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« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2011, 05:32:02 PM »
You could also have it where Debby decides to follow her heart anyway without father's approval.  Now you have more added conflict, but you could have something happen to her father where Sam saves his life, or Debby's life or something.  Sorry I'm not much help.

I remember hearing a story about a missionary who was living in a remote village, in a grass hut.  The man across the road hated the missionary and determined to get rid of him.  So he set fire to the missionary's hut one night.  However, the wind changed direction and the fire jumped to the man's hut.  The missionary quickly jumped out of bed due to the commotion and saw the fire on his neighbours hut, grabbed a bucket of wter and helped put it out.  the man was very humbled by the experience and chagned his attitude ... maybe you could use a scenario similar to this?
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Ambidextrous
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« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2011, 12:48:26 AM »
Thanks so much for your responses! Acting remains my passion. Got a chance to participate in something called the 48-hour-film-project the other day, a mad, mad, mad, mad little contest that goes on over the country, and continuing to explore my dreams by taking a job as an assistant director in an upcoming play in Columbus, OH.

To be entirely honest with you, Debby's real name is Anna and I'm Sam. After Anna's father said no, maybe to try to make sense of the journey for myself, I've been aching to make it into a story of some kind.

It's difficult parameters to work under, trying to write a true-to-life story. I like your ideas and maybe I'll just let the story run into fiction. Or maybe a version of it. Your suggestions are much appreciated--they're sparking ideas in my mind! Maybe I could trot out the hostage idea or rare disease, Mariah, or even a missionary, Karen, or similar scenarios I imagined several years ago! Smiley

I agree with you about figuring out God's role in this, Kate. Actually, maybe that's why this has demanded to be told.

And the resolution--Sam might chase Debby, but I can't; I walked away because I didn't love her, I was just too stubborn to walk away earlier, and I was too stubborn until I wore myself out. But, of course, the resolution is what this story needed! Thanks for helping me see that!

John
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Ambidextrous
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« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2011, 12:49:25 AM »
Btw, love your tagline, Kate! Smiley
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ColoradoKate
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« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2011, 10:04:47 AM »
Thanks! And I have to say, I wondered if Sam was you, just because of the way you told it--and because, in real life, there often isn't a real resolution. I'm glad it ended the way it did for you, rather than in heartbreak, but I do see why it feels unfinished.
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kiboyd
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« Reply #7 on: August 05, 2011, 11:38:46 AM »
Maybe you can show the situations in your life that have changed you into who you are and how you felt your feelings change for Debbie but had to pursue it anyway because you made a promise.  Maybe when her father said "No", it was a relief for you because you realized you didn't love her and that was okay because you can't force love ... maybe there isn't a happily ever after blah blah blah, but there is a moment of growth, of discovery ... and sometimes that's the best ending of all.
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Ambidextrous
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« Reply #8 on: August 05, 2011, 10:24:46 PM »
Quote from: ColoradoKate on August 05, 2011, 10:04:47 AM
Thanks! And I have to say, I wondered if Sam was you, just because of the way you told it--and because, in real life, there often isn't a real resolution. I'm glad it ended the way it did for you, rather than in heartbreak, but I do see why it feels unfinished.

By your initial reply, I thought perhaps you did wonder.  Smiley Karen--I know, I thought perhaps this was a way to end this, a glimpse of discovery in an uncertain reality. Or, another way, by presenting every wild and outlandish fantasy I have in the letter to Anna's Dad, and then, after making it clear this is my fantasy of how I want it to end, tacking Anna's Dad's real life reply as an epilogue--or since I wanted to turn this into a stage play, as they are walking out of the theater, as a voice-over while they're packing up. Something like that.

I'm glad I talked to you guys about it, because, like I said, I know why I've been having such trouble with it. It needed a resolution, so I need to make it fiction or center the story arc around something else than boy wants girl(however that's spelled. Smiley )

John
 
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Legacy
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« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2011, 09:17:54 PM »
John thats cool that your an actor I'm a dancer in NYC I know the artist life. I'm trying to figure out a way to help you with your story.Maybe you just need a few more characters to add some more plot and don't have the guy give up so easily. Girls love guys that are persistant especially in books. I'll read it again and try to digest it more I'll need to think about this one.
Keep writing, legacy
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Ambidextrous
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« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2011, 10:50:07 AM »
Legacy; you're a dancer in NYC?! Wow, what is that like??

I have thought about adding more characters to it. The supportive younger sister struggling to find a life of her own, the older brother's passionate pursuit of his dream and the long shadow he casts on "Sam's" way, etc. etc. etc.

Sam could be persistent in the story, but I wanted to keep it somewhat close to the actual story, though I'm toeing that line right now.

John
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Legacy
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« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2011, 11:19:41 PM »
Oh, bummer because girls love persistant yet sweet guys.
Yeah I love doing Jazz dance in the big city I dance on my churches dance team and go to auditions. I take dailey class too, it superfun and one of my true loves.
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