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Writers Retreat > Student Talk > Course Lessons > Grammar question
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Beth Consugar
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« on: January 19, 2010, 01:19:29 PM »
I think I am getting to be a bit picky, but that could be a good thing!  Wink

Please tell me if this sentence is gramatically correct.  If not, please offer suggestions for improvement, if you can!

"She looked around as though she were looking for someone or something".

This is a sentence in my assignment 5.  I am doing my last review before I ask my husband to look at it, then submit it.  Boy, am I glad that I doing this!

Thanks for your help!

Beth
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« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2010, 01:34:55 PM »
Quote from: BConsugar on January 19, 2010, 01:19:29 PM
She looked around as though she were looking for someone or something.
The line is grammatically correct.

"as though" is an idiom, and is a style choice.

"as if" would be the non-idiom choice.
« Last Edit: January 19, 2010, 02:02:13 PM by hardt » Logged
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ColoradoKate
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« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2010, 01:38:35 PM »
I think it's grammatical, but maybe what's catching your eye/ear is the repetition of looked/looking. Could you maybe use a more specific verb, and not repeat it?

Some people would say "as if" rather than "as though," but I think that's just a matter of choice, isn't it? Okay, I see Hardt has just answered that... thanks!

"She peered around as if looking for someone or something." That would avoid the "she were," if that's what you're not sure about.
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« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2010, 01:52:00 PM »
Grammatically you're fine. I would try to avoid the "looked...looking" echo. For me, I would probably change the first one...Scanned the room, searched each face...something like that.
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« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2010, 03:04:14 PM »
My Aunt told me to never use "as if" or "as though"....rules, rules and rules.  I never know! 
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« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2010, 03:08:56 PM »
LOL.... Did she say why, or what to use instead?
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« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2010, 08:36:23 PM »
You're in very good hands with the advice here.  I wonder too why you can't use 'as if'.  I saw nothing wrong with the sentence, although it reads a little difficult for me in the head.  I might have tried:

She looked around, as if something or someone was missing.

All the best - bjb
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« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2010, 01:43:33 PM »
My Aunt did writers support groups other then that I am not sure...she has written a lot of stories but didn't get them published.  I think she should have, she is good.  Someday I will steal them and put them together for her.  She is my mom's sister.  My mom died 24 years ago.  My Aunt said they had a rough childhood growin up in CA - early 1900's.  Lot's a crazy, funny and sad stories.  A very interesting family history on both sides of my family.  I'd like to write about my dad's side coming from Russia, through England landing in Canada.  My Great Aunt wrote down a little of what it took to walk out of Russia, starving and her baby sister very ill.  How they hid from Russian solders.  I wish she was still alive to talk to.  My Aunt has traveled to Russia several times and found distant relitives.  My Grandfather was born in Russia but would not admit it.  I'd really like to find out why. Someday...another project!

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« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2010, 08:49:50 PM »
You have some fascinating family stories.  I too am intrigued how we came to be in the America's.  We are from Scotland and England, perhaps Germany way back.  One side of our family arrived in the US in the 1800's and travelled across the plains.  It would probably be painful to see all the struggles of our families, but I think it is worth knowing and trying to carry the memories of their struggles somehow.  All the best, bjb
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« Reply #9 on: January 21, 2010, 11:37:34 PM »
Quote from: bjb on January 21, 2010, 08:49:50 PM
It would probably be painful to see all the struggles of our families, but I think it is worth knowing and trying to carry the memories of their struggles somehow.  All the best, bjb

Oh, Brenda, I completely agree. That's has always been one of the huge goals for myself in writing . . . All that is so important.

Brenda and Covina, I hope you will down every single thing you can find out about your families pasts. It's so important to humanity. And maybe our children will be inspired by our example and continue the story. Things shall be remembered. Smiley

BJB, my family is from Scotland, England, and Germany too. Maybe we're related. Grin
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« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2010, 11:58:03 AM »
Quote from: bjb on January 21, 2010, 08:49:50 PM
You have some fascinating family stories.  I too am intrigued how we came to be in the America's.  We are from Scotland and England, perhaps Germany way back.  One side of our family arrived in the US in the 1800's and travelled across the plains.  It would probably be painful to see all the struggles of our families, but I think it is worth knowing and trying to carry the memories of their struggles somehow.  All the best, bjb
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« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2010, 11:58:54 AM »
I agree...that family history is interesting!
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