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Writers Retreat > Student Talk > Course Lessons > Assignment 2 > Help!
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Dodo Bird
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« on: December 23, 2009, 11:29:51 AM »
Hi~ I am trying to write a story about a little boy who learns the importance of brushing his teeth. It involves him having cavities. He decides to test what he had been told about the importance of brushing his teeth. This means he has to wait six months to see results. I have heard it is best to not have a long time spand in your story. I'm not sure how I can do my story in a shorter time period. Will I lose my reader's if I briefly touch on that time and agian pick up the storie with a good report at the end?

I need help! I hope to not have to scrap this whole story and start a new one.   Undecided
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« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2009, 11:33:57 AM »
Quote from: Dodo Bird on December 23, 2009, 11:29:51 AM
Hi~ I am trying to write a story about a little boy who learns the importance of brushing his teeth. It involves him having cavities. He decides to test what he had been told about the importance of brushing his teeth. This means he has to wait six months to see results. I have heard it is best to not have a long time spand in your story. I'm not sure how I can do my story in a shorter time period. Will I lose my reader's if I briefly touch on that time and agian pick up the storie with a good report at the end?

I need help! I hope to not have to scrap this whole story and start a new one.   Undecided


 Here's my two cents. You can have it where he wants to see the results and the next paragraph is six months later where he's actually seeing the results of the cavities. (If that makes any sense) I don't think it would lose your readers if you do it the right way.
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Dodo Bird
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« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2009, 12:08:22 PM »
I can do it that way! Cheesy I was hoping that would be an okay way of doing it.
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« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2009, 11:59:04 PM »
Sounds like a GOOD story! All the best!
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« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2009, 12:05:01 AM »
Neat idea!  What age group are you targeting, DoDo?  (That sounds waaaay too much like I'm insulting you!  LOL!)
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« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2009, 09:24:43 AM »
Thank you for liking my idea. That is encouraging. The age group I was thinking of was 7 to 12. I'm very clear on the age thing yet. I am hoping that is one of those things that I will get better at.  Undecided
And think you may have given me a story idea. Dodo Bird is a nickname I picked up as a child and it is very dear to my heart. I wasn't fond of it when they used it to tease me. Now it reminds me of my childhood with those people. Some friends use it in place of my name. I could write a story about how I got my nickname and/or nicknames in genral.  Nicknames I think are so specail. It lets you know that you are closly loved and it can remind you of fun times. Oh that fun stories I could tell of my Dodo bird nickname. My sister is Woundeagle, so we are the bird sisters. Plus I am the last of my kind. All other Dodo birds are extinct. I am specail!!!  Cheesy
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« Reply #6 on: December 24, 2009, 10:21:48 AM »
Writing a story about your nickname is an excellent idea!  Especially a name that can possibly be taken as insulting, but the recipient of the name chooses to take it comically/endearingly.  Nice!

I think I'd bump down your target age for the toothbrush story.  Perhaps 4-7?  Does that make any sense?  Is anybody out there better at determining this?
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Marie Elena Smiley
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« Reply #7 on: December 24, 2009, 11:29:53 AM »
Hmmm...to sell a story that is VERY lesson-y -- like one on the importance of brushing your teeth, the story would have to be very very very funny. Humor softens the fact that editors don't like authors to try to be the reader's parents, but a story that is extremely funny might hide a "lesson" at it's heart. I've read extremely "lesson-y" stories in Focus on the Family's Clubhouse (for instance) but they were all written in a very silly, very funny style.

Reader age is generally cast in three year spans with the age of your main character at the "top" of the span. So if the child in the story is six, the reader age is 4-6. If the child in the story is 9, the reader age is 7-9. That makes it much easier to decide on your reader age since it's dependent on the age of your character which should be very firm in your mind as it's hard to create a completely believe-able strongly motivated character unless you "know" him completely. And age is part of that.

You never want a character who seems a bit of a generic little boy because that will make it more obvious if the story is actually an attempt to parent the reader by teaching him a lesson. Often lesson-driven stories do have very generic characters because the writer doesn't care about the character or the plot or the fun or the humor -- the writer just cares about the lesson.

So put your total attention on the character, the fun, and the plot...and don't worry about teaching a lesson and you'll have a much better chance of crafting a story that can sell.

Now having given that lecture...actually  many many many students create lessons instead of stories for their Assignment 1 or 2...sometimes it takes a while for the difference to really take root in our storytelling heart.
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Londy Leigh
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« Reply #8 on: December 25, 2009, 05:58:17 PM »
Quote from: jfields on December 24, 2009, 11:29:53 AM
I've read extremely "lesson-y" stories in Focus on the Family's Clubhouse (for instance) but they were all written in a very silly, very funny style.

Like Bob Smiley....."Average Boy". HILARIOUS.

Thanks for the advice and info, Miss Jan!
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"I set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore, choose life, that both you and your children may live." ~ Deuteronomy
Dodo Bird
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« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2009, 08:53:37 AM »
Londy I have read Bob Smiley's stuff to. It is very good and really funny. I don't think I could write like him.

Jfields I understand not wanting a story to sounds like a lesson. I don't think that is the heart of writing this story. I actaully remember my frustration and dislike of going to the dentist. Plus I had soft teeth, so I was constantly getting cavities. I also loved candy. I have just recently over come my own stuggle against cavities. Does it still sound like a am going toward a lesson?

Thank for your in put! Smiley
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« Reply #10 on: December 28, 2009, 10:25:18 AM »
Well, it'll be a tough sell...though certainly there is no reason not to write it for a student assignment. Your instructor can advise you beyond that. If your instructor does advise trying to market it, be sure to have her help with the cover letter since you'll have to approach the story description carefully to get the editor to read past the letter since it's likely an editor couldn't imagine a story focused on teeth/cavities that wasn't a lesson. Editors get a  lot of "why we need to take care of our teeth" and "why we need to eat right" and "why we need to ___________" stories. So, you'll need to be able to describe it in a way to show that it actually has a different focus.
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Dodo Bird
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« Reply #11 on: December 29, 2009, 11:31:09 AM »
Jfields~ Okay. I almost have it done, so I probably still use it for assignment 2. I will look forward to seeing what my instructor will have to say. Thank you for answering my question. Smiley
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