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Writers Retreat > Student Talk > Course Lessons > Assignment 3 > Voice in Lesson 3
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Nan
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« on: September 13, 2008, 05:19:30 PM »
I've had some wrestling matches with point of view already.  And now I'm struggling with voice.

In Lesson 3 I'm supposed to write a 500 word description of a place from my childhood---not a story, no plot to be concerned about, just a description.  I chose to write about the alley where all of the neighborhood kids played because we had such small backyards.  The alley comes alive because of the kids who play there, so I wrote with a "we".  But I've read that children would better associate with a first person "I".  I rewrote the piece with "I" but found it to be awkward because we all ran the fences to play tag etc.  Somehow "we" just fit better because of the group activities like tag, softball and Red Rover games.  Can I use "we" as effectively as "I" in this instance?  Thank you in advance for any help you can offer.  Nan
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Sandy
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« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2008, 05:48:20 PM »
Hi Nan,

I know in the all of the reading groups that I am helping for my son's first grade class the books (in some cases really just words) are he, she, we, they, or names.  I haven't seen any *I* yet. 

The series we are curently reading my son at bed is *Rotten School* By R.L. Stine.  These are the books are his series for children to young for Goosebumps (though Race loves those too).  They are all narrated by the main character, but since he is describing everything throughout the school he uses I, we, us, etc.

Lol not sure it that helps, just what I noticed.

Sandy
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Sandy
trivia
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« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2008, 11:17:39 PM »
I wonder if your instructor will be more concerned with your description than whose viewpoint it is from. This isn't a story, so it won't be something you'll want to send out later, right? My feeling would be to use your instinct and write what feels natural on that one. What do the rest of you think?
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Sandy
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« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2008, 11:27:41 PM »
Lol, well I have to agree Trivia,  I always say write what you feel.  Are you allowed to ask your instructor about what they prefer before finishing something?

Sandy
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Sandy
chippy
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« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2008, 02:26:03 PM »
Nan, if it helps at all, I used "I" when I did Lesson 3. If I remember correctly (I did that one ages ago), they want to see how you can do at description of something. You will use what you learn in this lesson to take forward into future lessons and writing. Smiley
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« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2008, 03:57:45 PM »
Nan,

I believe I did the same thing Chippy did by using I in lesson 3.  I was a long time ago but Chippy is right.  The instructors want to see how you are with description.  You will need to be able to use description in your future lessons and writing.

Evelyn
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Nan
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« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2008, 05:09:38 PM »
Dear Sandy, trivia, Chippy and Spirit Walker,

Thanks so much for your input.  All of you are right---this assignment is for developing descriptive writing.  So, I'm going to reread the piece tonight and go with what sounds best and enhances the description best.  This is my first visit to this site---I love it!  Thanks again, for all your support.  Nan
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jfields
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« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2008, 08:11:40 PM »
I know as an instructor, I am happiest when the description takes place in a moment...so I would be slightly unhappy to see... "We would race back and forth from the sunny sidewalk to the murky gloom where the alley narrowed." Because the use of "would" means you're not taking place in a moment. But I would be perfectly happy to see something like this "Joey, our leader by virtue of being oldest, tallest, and therefore coolest, yelled, "Go!" We all ran, whooping from the sunny sidewalk to the murky gloom where the alley narrowed."

But I am perfectly happy to see "we" as long as it's taking place in a specific moment and thus displaying best your ability to show. Editors really don't like seeing the conditional tense (meaning the would+verb tense)...in fact, I've heard agents really go on and on about not liking the conditional tense because it's imprecise...so it might be good not to get in the habit of using it, even for an exercise like Assignment 3. True, you're not writing for publication with that assignment but you're practicing a type of writing (showing) that you'll use in everything you do for publication.
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Nan
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« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2008, 08:43:24 PM »
Jan, thank you for your input and examples.  I don't like the "would" & verb either---it's too nebulous.  I ended up using the view point of "I" but also included "we" when it was appropriate in group activities.  Using "I" seemed to make the piece more personal and intense.  As my teacher, Kevin, has impressed upon me---I kept the camera right in my forehead.  That analogy has really helped me in my wrestling matches with point of view!  Thanks again!  Lee Ann
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traceymcox
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« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2008, 12:02:17 AM »
also try reading your text aloud.
I find it easier to make improvements when i "hear" it instead of 'reading' it to myself.
Good luck with your pov!
~~~Tracey
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