May 13, 2011

I took a break today from doing final revisions on a novel and picked up a little writing book called Some Writers Deserve to Starve! (31 Brutal Truths About the Publishing Industry) by Elaura Niles. I don’t find the chapters very brutal–just honest. And I agree with nearly all of them.

If you’ve been writing any length of time at all, chapters like “Putting Words on a Page Does Not Obligate Anyone to Read Them,” “All Publishers Are Not Created Equal,” and “Writing Conferences Cost Bucks” will resonate with you! Frankly, I expect there is a great deal of truth in all 31 of Ms. Niles’ chapters, but I have been spared a lot of it.

What About This One?

Two of the author’s brutal truth chapters are “Writers Rarely Help Other Writers” and “Not All Critique Groups Are Critique Groups.” Because I’ve seen what she described over the years in various groups [that didn't work for me], I believe she is right much of the time. But it also reminded me how wonderfully blessed I am to have a writer friend who DOES help me.

From time to time, I trade manuscripts with a writer friend in Australia. Her thoughtful responses in the detailed critiques have been very helpful in many areas: strengthening endings, picking up loose plot threads I had inadvertently dropped, telling me which chapters dragged, etc. I’m grateful for her honesty–which is NOT brutal.

How About You?

What has been YOUR experience with critiques and critique groups? Have they been helpful–or not so much? Is the advice good–or in such conflict that you don’t know what to believe? Give me your thoughts.

August 20, 2010

If a friend from your critique group told you ”I just can’t get started on my story today,” what would you say? “Get moving, you lazy do-nothing wannabe!” I hope not!

If your writing friend bemoans receiving another rejection, do you say, “Well, what did you expect? Your novel stinks!”?

I would hope not. Most of us are better friends than that…except to ourselves.

Your Own Best Friend

Listen to how you talk to yourself. When you procrastinate, do you beat yourself up? Do you call yourself names? And to paraphrase Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for you?” Does it spur you on to do your best writing–or to give up and eat a pint of ice cream?

When you receive a rejection, do you downgrade your writing? Do you tell yourself that publishing is just a pipe dream, that it’s for others but not for you?

Do you say things to yourself that you would NEVER say to a writer friend?

Time to STOP!

Learn to tell yourself the truth–but with kindness. Be a mirror that reflects back understanding. If you got off course, gently encourage yourself back on the writing path you want to travel.

Not:

• You’re so lazy that you’ll never get anything written and published.
• No editor or agent will ever read your novel, much less publish it!
• You only have friends on Facebook because they don’t really know you.

Say this instead:

• You may have trouble getting started because you’re afraid of something. Try journaling to get to the bottom of it.
• You may (or may not) find an editor who loves your novel–but you’ll never know if you don’t keep sending it out. Let’s try one more time.
• Many people in your real life know you and love you. Make a list. Be thankful for each person on the list.

Be That Good Friend

The next time you stall or hit a rough spot in your work, talk to yourself like a true friend would. Be kind, be understanding, give some praise, and encourage yourself to try again.

You can be your own best friend.

November 25, 2009

For the last four months, besides working full-time as a writer and instructor, I’ve been heavily involved in running two community groups and serving on the board of another. The biggest commitment finishes just before Christmas, and frankly, it’s just in time. I’m pooped!

I have been reading a great book called The Worn Out Woman: When Your Life is Full and Your Spirit is Empty by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice  Gray. There is a lot of wisdom in this book. (And as I’ve talked with men who juggle a day job, a family, and writing, I’ve come to believe the following is not gender specific.)

How Did I Get Here?

“Most worn-out women struggle with expectations. Everyone seems to want more and more. They want you to do things better and bigger and quicker, all the while with a smile on your face. Everywhere you turn, there’s another expectation…until you’re exhausted just thinking about it,” say the authors. “Your family, your friends, your work, your neighbors, and even your church have expectations for you. You have expectations for yourself as well. It’s too much. Yet the shoulds and oughts don’t stop. As they grow, you can feel the arms of the octopus wrapping tighter.”

And what do Stephens and Gray say is the answer? “The only way to stop the octopus from dragging you down is to starve it.” If you take away the three foods it thrives on, the octopus will lose its power. The three foods are comparison, people pleasing, and perfectionism.

Know Thyself

Only you know where the three “foods” show up in your life. Are you a perfectionist housekeeper who won’t allow anyone to help you–even your family members–because they don’t clean up to your standards? Do you compare your flower beds to your neighbors and then spend your precious writing time weeding and watering? Are you afraid to displease your mother-in-law when she requests your presence on the Saturday you planned to write at the library?

Take a good look at the behaviors that are wearing you out and robbing you of your writing time. Plans on how to get rid of them would make some good new year’s resolutions!

January 21, 2009

Do your writing first! Leave the dishes and your exercise routine and everything else–and just write. Haven’t we all heard that advice a hundred times?

I have–and I’m still no good at it. But from this point on, I will be!

Accountability, thy name is Donna!

In the online class I’m taking this month, we were encouraged to pair up with what is called a change coach. We hold each other accountable and encourage each other to pursue our goals. And we’re supposed to confront (nicely) when our partner isn’t keeping her commitment.

My change coach is Donna McDine, the middle-grade novel reviewer at the Writing for Children Center. A graduate of the Institute’s course, she also blogs at the “Write What Inspires You!” site. We noticed this week that while we both have great written goals, put in lots of hours, and truly LOVE to write–we weren’t getting much writing done on our own projects. (We wrote for others, critiqued, reviewed, taught, and blogged–but by the time we got around to our own books, we were too tired or it was evening and others needed us.)

Ready, Set, Go!

So, we made a deal, Donna and I. We have committed to writing first thing each morning on our own projects. I’m aiming for a minimum of an hour daily. If we can do more, great. But Monday through Friday, we’ve promised to spend time on our books first. When we’re done, we’ll email each other to say how long we wrote. It won’t take us long to send that email, but since I’ll know Donna is waiting for my report, I bet I get the writing done.

It’s on our schedule first now. And we’re planning ahead for success. We’re taking time before we quit each day to set up our desks with all the materials we’ll need to get started right away in the morning. One iron-clad rule we agreed on: absolutely NO Internet until the writing is done.

Do YOU write first thing each morning, before you get caught up in the day’s demands? If so, what are the tricks YOU use to make it work? We can use all the tips you have as we try to establish this new habit!

December 31, 2008

What’s preventing your success? Thoughts? Behavior? Low energy? Procrastination? Perfectionism? Overdoing? Counter-productivity? Negative self-talk? Disorganization? Time mismanagement? Unrealistic expectations? Defeat your self-defeating behaviors with this one-month mental boot-camp. (from Margie Lawson’s class on “Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors: Allow Writing Productivity and Creativity to Soar.”

Jumpstart 2009 with a Mental Boost

Last week, I mentioned that I would be studying Margie Lawson‘s lecture packet on character emotions.  I also wanted to pass along information about a January on-line class she’s teaching that starts Friday, Jan. 2 and runs till Jan. 30.

Here’s the rundown on the class taken from her class description page. (You can register for her class at the bottom of that page.)

• Address the three fears that paralyze writers
• Analyze yourself: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats
• Challenge your internal dialogue
• Redirect resistance and manage your moods
• Duct-tape your Inner Critic
• Protect your priorities
• Practice Conscious Competence
• Apply Margie’s DUH Plan

On-line Class vs. Teaching Packet

You can register for the on-line class for $30 or buy the teaching packet/lectures on this topic for $20. (For lecture packets, go to Margie’s website and click on “lecture packets” on the left-hand side.) You can study the lecture packet at your own speed and any month of the year, while the “self-defeating behaviors” class is only taught in January. I asked Margie what a writer would gain for paying that extra $10–I’m always making sure there is plenty of bang for my buck!

Her email answer included this important information: “Writers taking my Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors (DSDB) course on-line can post their assignments, get feedback, get support, ask questions, get answers. Some class members are active on the class loop, others lurk and learn from what their classmates post. In DSDB, writers also work with a CHANGE COACH throughout the month-long on-line course.  Many of the Change Coach pairs continue working together after the course is over.  They keep those self-defeating dragons from making any sneak attacks. The camaraderie in the on-line class is amazing.  It’s a powerful bond. An amazing force.”

Slay the Dragons!

I can’t personally recommend the course because I haven’t taken it yet (although I plan to register today), but I’ve heard excellent comments about Margie’s other courses. I also know (from 25 years of teaching and from writing my Writer’s First Aid book) that these behaviors are what most often derail writers. As our lives change, the dragons change, but they’re always there, breathing fire down our necks.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to defeat mine–once and for all!

(If you also register for the class, let me know. It would be fun to share on the blog the things we’re learning.)

October 31, 2008

Are you getting ready for NaNoWriMo? National Novel Writing Month starts tomorrow! (See last week’s post for an explanation of NaNoWriMo.)

I received several questions when I wrote about NaNoWriMo last week, and thanks to people who wrote to share their advice with me on how to make it through the month and accomplish the 50,000-word goal. I also wanted to pass along a link to a free e-book called NaNo for the New and the Insane: A Guide to Surviving NaNoWriMo by Lazette Gifford. It’s full of preparation tips as well as survival strategies for making it through the month.

Also, The Institute of Children’s Literature did an interview last week with Ann Gonzales called “NaNo Evangelism.” Ann sold the book Running for My Life (available spring, 2009) which was written in a previous NaNo month. Be sure to also check out the interview for helpful tips and inspiration.

I’ll update as we go through November, and if you’re a NaNoWriMo writer in 2008, look me up on the site. My name there is I-write-4-kidz.

October 22, 2008

September 12, 2008

I’ve been stumped by a change I need to make in my current novel, and yesterday my critique group let me know that I still didn’t have it fixed. Argh! So this morning over breakfast, I decided to read an article in the October The Writer Magazine called “Survive the Revision Process” because I thought I might not (survive, that is). The article turned out be about writing short nonfiction, but when I flipped back a few pages, I found Phyllis Whitney’s terrific article, “10 Ways to Cure the Midnovel Blues.” That’s certainly what I had! One of her suggestions (“Tie your characters to your setting”) gave me an idea that I am sure will finally fix the issue I’ve been struggling with.

Don’t overlook the help and support you can find in writing magazines (print and online) and writing books (print and e-books). Don’t waste time and energy re-inventing the wheel. Otherwise, you might give up when, in fact, a bit of encouragement from another source could solve your problem. Phyllis Whitney died earlier this year at the age of 104, or I would write and thank her for her help. I had been dreading the revisions this morning, but now I know what to do! Can’t wait!