May 4, 2011

Are you climbing the writer’s ladder of success, but beginning to suspect that your ladder is leaning against the wrong building?

I’d been wondering for nearly a year. I reviewed my goals for the year and saw that I was moving fairly steadily toward each one. Mostly that made me happy.

But two goals I’m moving toward make me uneasy. I realized I really didn’t want to reach those goals. They were things “the experts” said I needed to do to be a successful writer, but they appeal to me less and less, the closer I get to the goals.

Your Goals? Or Someone Else’s?

Then I re-read one of Randy Ingermanson‘s free newsletters, and it was one of those “aha!” moments. He was talking about creating your “approximately perfect life.” In part, this is what he wrote:

“What’s your ‘approximately perfect life’ look like? Have you made a list of the things you’d like to have or to achieve or to be that would make your life the one you want?…Nothing happens unless you take action. But you can’t take any meaningful action until you define your direction. And you’ll never have direction until you know what your ‘approximately perfect life’ would look like.”

How do you even know the kind of life/writing life you would like to have? (And by writing life, I mean to include family and other goals you have.  The whole enchilada.)

There are a number of ways (books and websites) to help you define what YOUR perfect life would include. Randy recommended an online free website that he faithfully uses called Simpleology. The creator of that site promises that:

Within minutes of setting up your account, you will:

• See your day with instant clarity
• Focus instantly on what´s important
• Dump the rest (liberation is a click away)
• Clear your brain of clutter and distraction
  

Let’s Get Personal

What’s important to you? What would spell success for you in the writing life? Have you written down your goals? Look at each one closely. Are they truly your goals and desires? Or are they goals–like several of mine–that were dictated by others but, in your heart, you know they don’t fit who you are?

Today I have a very long walk planned to think about these issues. I suspect, that when I get home, I’ll be doing some restructuring of my goals. My life is too busy and fragmented, and something’s got to go. Why not start with those things that really don’t spell writing success to me?

If you’re willing to share, leave a comment below. Does your own goal list need simplifying? Mine does. I’d love to know which goals you’re going to keep–and which ones you’re going to let go.

May 19, 2010

A few weeks ago in “Find a Need and Fill It” I asked for your input concerning the topics you find most helpful in this blog.

Thank you all for the responses! It’s been very helpful. The requests fell into three main categories. Since I blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, that made it easy for me. From now on, this will be my general blogging schedule so that I can cover each topic area regularly.

What You Can Expect

Monday = Inner Motivation (includes:)

• fears–all kinds!
• discipline
• focus
• goals
• rejection
• lack of motivation
• encouragement
• a writer’s dream life
• procrastination
• working with our “inner editor”
• enjoying writing more
• perseverance
• creative inspiration
• writer’s block

Wednesday = Outer Challenges (includes:)

• setting boundaries
• time management
• distractions
• discipline
• writing schedules
• goal setting
• balancing writing with chaos in life
• balancing day jobs with writing
• our writing needs (vs. “their” needs)
• self-defeating behaviors

Friday = Tips ‘n’ Tricks of the Trade (includes:)

• specific genre help
• writing books I’ve found helpful
• blogs I find useful
• classes I’ve taken
• voice (writer’s and character’s)
• critique groups
• conferences
• working with publishers
• marketing–all kinds
• considering the audience when writing
• dealing with publishers who don’t respond
• finding good markets
• developing depth in writing
• selling “unique” pieces instead of jumping on the bandwagon

Thanks for Your Input

All your feedback has been immensely helpful in organizing future blog posts and making sure I cover topics you want to hear about and find useful. If I missed anything on these lists, feel free to let me know!

March 10, 2010

Do you feel as if you’re forever running to catch up and keep up? Is finding any time at all to write a challenge for you? If so, you’ll need to simplify your life—choose what really matters—and slow your pace.

But HOW?

Reflective Thinking

With all the noise of modern life and the frantic running around, we have little chance to hear the inner whispers and feel the nudges that try to warn us. “Hold on—this isn’t right” or “You really don’t want to do this.”

Sometimes life gives you the gift of stopping you in your tracks. That happened to me a couple years ago when I ran a fever for eight days and ended up with many sleepless nights to think. I took stock of my rat-race, anything-but-serene lifestyle, and I asked myself some hard questions. If you also want to get off the merry-go-round, take a note pad and jot the answers to these questions pertaining to your own life.

*Why is my life as busy as it is?
*Why have I chosen to commit to so many things?
*What are the costs to me right now of living like this? What are the future costs?
*What tasks/meetings/jobs are no longer necessary? (Only one out of my four cancelled appointments that week needed to be rescheduled. The others, it turned out, weren’t that important.)
*Which activities are things other people thought I should do?
*Which volunteer positions do I no longer enjoy?
*Which professional organizations no longer meet my needs and can be dropped?

This time of reflection was so very profitable. It enabled me to spot three big changes I could make, immediately freeing up about fifteen hours per month.

Should I? Shouldn’t I?

Is your life run according to shoulds (your own or other people’s?) When asked to run a concession stand at your child’s school or attend a make-up or clothing party, do you agree because you feel you should, rather than because you have a real desire to do it? Do you even take time to make a thoughtful decision, or does the should rule?

In a sermon entitled “The Unhurried Life,” the pastor reminded us that “NO is a complete sentence.” In other words, sometimes you can just say no. Or “I’m sorry, but I can’t.” Period. Don’t let people guilt you into doing things you just don’t want to do.

Reassess the value of your time. Is it really more important that you do the volunteer newsletter for your neighborhood association—or that you put that time toward your writing dream? None of us likes to have people mad at us. On the other hand, it may be a price worth paying in order to have a fighting chance to realize your dreams.

February 10, 2010

According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has about 12,000 thoughts per day, or 4.4 million thoughts per year.

I wager that writers are well above the average because we read more and writing causes us to think more than the average.

Who’s In Charge?

I had known for a long time that our thoughts affect our emotions, and that toxic “stinking thinking” could derail our writing dreams and health faster than almost anything. You are the only one who can decide whether to reject or accept a thought, which thoughts to dwell on, and which thoughts will become actions.

But sometimes–a lot of the time–I felt powerless to actually do anything about it on a consistent basis. Sometimes I simply felt unfocused and overwhelmed.

Need a Brain Detox?

I’ve been reading a “scientific brain studies” book for non-science types like me called Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr. Caroline Leaf Ph.D. which has fascinated me. With scientific studies to back it up, it shows that thoughts are measurable and actually occupy mental “real estate.” Thoughts are active; they grow and change, influencing every decision we make and physical reaction we have.

“Every time you have a thought, it is actively changing your brain and your body–for better or for worse.” The author talks about the “Dirty Dozen”–which can be as harmful as poison in our minds and our bodies.

Killing Our Creativity

Among this dozen deadly areas of toxic thinking are toxic emotions, toxic words, toxic seriousness, toxic health, and toxic schedules.

If you want to delve into the 350+ scientific references and pages of end notes in the back of the book, you can look up the studies. But basically it targets the twelve toxic areas of our lives that produce 80% of the physical, emotional and mental health issues today. And trust me. Those issues have a great deal to do with you achieving your goals and dreams.

There Is Hope!

According to Dr. Leaf, scientists no longer believe that the brain is hardwired from birth with a fixed destiny to wear out with age, a fate predetermined by our genes. Instead there is scientific proof now for what the Bible has always taught: you can renew your minds and heal. Your brain really can change!

Old brain patterns can be altered, and new patterns can be implemented. In the coming days, I’ll share some more about the author’s ”Brain Sweep” five-step strategy for detoxing your thoughts associated with the “dirty dozen.”

But right now I’m going to read about the symptoms of a toxic schedule. I have a suspicion…

November 25, 2009

For the last four months, besides working full-time as a writer and instructor, I’ve been heavily involved in running two community groups and serving on the board of another. The biggest commitment finishes just before Christmas, and frankly, it’s just in time. I’m pooped!

I have been reading a great book called The Worn Out Woman: When Your Life is Full and Your Spirit is Empty by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice  Gray. There is a lot of wisdom in this book. (And as I’ve talked with men who juggle a day job, a family, and writing, I’ve come to believe the following is not gender specific.)

How Did I Get Here?

“Most worn-out women struggle with expectations. Everyone seems to want more and more. They want you to do things better and bigger and quicker, all the while with a smile on your face. Everywhere you turn, there’s another expectation…until you’re exhausted just thinking about it,” say the authors. “Your family, your friends, your work, your neighbors, and even your church have expectations for you. You have expectations for yourself as well. It’s too much. Yet the shoulds and oughts don’t stop. As they grow, you can feel the arms of the octopus wrapping tighter.”

And what do Stephens and Gray say is the answer? “The only way to stop the octopus from dragging you down is to starve it.” If you take away the three foods it thrives on, the octopus will lose its power. The three foods are comparison, people pleasing, and perfectionism.

Know Thyself

Only you know where the three “foods” show up in your life. Are you a perfectionist housekeeper who won’t allow anyone to help you–even your family members–because they don’t clean up to your standards? Do you compare your flower beds to your neighbors and then spend your precious writing time weeding and watering? Are you afraid to displease your mother-in-law when she requests your presence on the Saturday you planned to write at the library?

Take a good look at the behaviors that are wearing you out and robbing you of your writing time. Plans on how to get rid of them would make some good new year’s resolutions!

December 31, 2008

What’s preventing your success? Thoughts? Behavior? Low energy? Procrastination? Perfectionism? Overdoing? Counter-productivity? Negative self-talk? Disorganization? Time mismanagement? Unrealistic expectations? Defeat your self-defeating behaviors with this one-month mental boot-camp. (from Margie Lawson’s class on “Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors: Allow Writing Productivity and Creativity to Soar.”

Jumpstart 2009 with a Mental Boost

Last week, I mentioned that I would be studying Margie Lawson‘s lecture packet on character emotions.  I also wanted to pass along information about a January on-line class she’s teaching that starts Friday, Jan. 2 and runs till Jan. 30.

Here’s the rundown on the class taken from her class description page. (You can register for her class at the bottom of that page.)

• Address the three fears that paralyze writers
• Analyze yourself: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats
• Challenge your internal dialogue
• Redirect resistance and manage your moods
• Duct-tape your Inner Critic
• Protect your priorities
• Practice Conscious Competence
• Apply Margie’s DUH Plan

On-line Class vs. Teaching Packet

You can register for the on-line class for $30 or buy the teaching packet/lectures on this topic for $20. (For lecture packets, go to Margie’s website and click on “lecture packets” on the left-hand side.) You can study the lecture packet at your own speed and any month of the year, while the “self-defeating behaviors” class is only taught in January. I asked Margie what a writer would gain for paying that extra $10–I’m always making sure there is plenty of bang for my buck!

Her email answer included this important information: “Writers taking my Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors (DSDB) course on-line can post their assignments, get feedback, get support, ask questions, get answers. Some class members are active on the class loop, others lurk and learn from what their classmates post. In DSDB, writers also work with a CHANGE COACH throughout the month-long on-line course.  Many of the Change Coach pairs continue working together after the course is over.  They keep those self-defeating dragons from making any sneak attacks. The camaraderie in the on-line class is amazing.  It’s a powerful bond. An amazing force.”

Slay the Dragons!

I can’t personally recommend the course because I haven’t taken it yet (although I plan to register today), but I’ve heard excellent comments about Margie’s other courses. I also know (from 25 years of teaching and from writing my Writer’s First Aid book) that these behaviors are what most often derail writers. As our lives change, the dragons change, but they’re always there, breathing fire down our necks.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to defeat mine–once and for all!

(If you also register for the class, let me know. It would be fun to share on the blog the things we’re learning.)