January 18, 2012

I’m on a quest in 2012 to put the joy back into writing. Part of that joy includes being free.

I want to share a gem I read the other day in this book: C. S. Lewis’ Letters to Children. It is reported that C. S. Lewis answered all his mail (stacks of it daily), and he did most of it by hand. Occasionally his brother, Warnie, typed the answers he dictated. (Lewis didn’t type.)

Once Lewis’ Narnia books were published, much of his fan mail was from children. He answered it all, their questions about Narnia and their questions about becoming writers. Some of the letters were collected for this book. I love how he talked to even the younger children rather “man to man.”

Advice for Writers

This piece of advice, given to a young fan, is advice we would all do well to adhere to. Lewis wrote:

“I have one other piece of advice. Remember that there are only three kinds of things anyone need ever do.

(1) Things we ought to do

(2) Things we’ve got to do

(3) Things we like doing.

I say this because some people seem to spend so much of their time doing things for none of the three reasons, things like reading books they don’t like because other people read them. Things you ought to do are things like doing one’s school work or being nice to people. Things one has got to do are things like dressing and undressing, or household shopping. Things one likes doing–but of course I don’t what you like. Perhaps you’ll write and tell me one day.”

What wonderful advice! In every life–including the writing life–there are things one ought to do, things we have to do, and things we like to do. And, as Lewis obviously knew, you won’t have time to do the things you like to do (including writing about the things you want to write about), if you’re being swayed by what others think you should be doing with your time.

What About You? Are You Free?

Most of us have areas where we don’t feel free, where we ”bend” our true selves into a shape that we hope is pleasing to others. It might be in how we dress, or how we talk, which opinions we voice, what topics we write about, what movies we watch, how we decorate our homes–you name it. While I don’t waste time reading books I don’t like (as Lewis advised), I know that my writing time is often eaten up by things that don’t fit Lewis’ 1-2-3 criteria.

If you’re having trouble finding time to write, time to study, and time to read good books–all those necessary “writerly” activities–assess your activities. Hold each one up to the light of Lewis’ recommendations. He fulfilled his true responsibilities to others (#1 and #2), but he also read what he liked and wrote what he liked. (And he did it despite criticism, including having his friend, J. R. R. Tolkein suggest that he give up on those Narnia tales.)

While I don’t expect to write like C. S. Lewis, I do like his rules! If those guidelines were good enough for Lewis, they’re good enough for us!

January 4, 2012

Thank you for the wonderful comments, both here and on Facebook, regarding my change in priorities and the decision to cut down from blogging three times per week to just once per week.

In addition to the “me, too!” comments, I received quite a bit of email asking both “why?” and “how did you know what to cut?”

Let me take the “why?” question first.

Re-Visioning Your Life

Like many of you, life had been lived in the fast lane for so long that I only dimly remembered any other life. Sometimes there’s no choice, as I well remember: combining working with raising children with running a home with doing volunteer work with being a mom/nana/sister/daughter/friend/mentor/teacher to various people.

I always got a lot of work done–my generation was raised on the Puritan work ethic. But there was no time to do things like walk, have lunch with a friend, or even read a good book, much less go to bed early to get enough rest. And I couldn’t “write in flow”because there simply wasn’t much relaxed writing time.

Also, like many of you, I wondered when the craziness was going to end. I’m afraid I didn’t seriously do anything about it until I hit a few potentially serious health problems. That will get your attention! I thought about it and made plans all year so that when I hit the big 6-0 last month, I would be ready. Quality of life, here I come!

Nuts and Bolts of Cutting Back

Something had to give–that was clear. Several somethings actually. I didn’t need one more time management idea. And we can’t “manage time” really. We can only manage ourselves. When life is this full, the only way to make more time is to cut things out. But what things? And how?

Tough questions, and I’ve been reading books and journaling like mad all year on those topics. I didn’t want to make any knee-jerk decisions based on exhaustion or fear for my health.

For those of you who asked, briefly these are the steps I took–and ones you can certainly take–to reclaim your life and health and (my biggest dream) time to write!

Be Methodical

First, I figured out where all my time was going. I was the proverbial hamster on a wheel, but sometimes my “to do” list was longer when I went to bed than when I started work in the morning! But truthfully, I had no idea where many of my hours were going.

I kept track of my hours for about six weeks, writing down not just how I spent my time in general, but specifically. (I used to just mark off “work hours.” This time I printed out time grids broken into half hours around the clock, and marked off everything. I also broke down “work” into things like writing fiction, work-for-hire writing, blogging, social networking, critiquing, studying, answering email, etc.)

It was time-consuming, but those time grids yielded a wealth of information. I could see easily which work segments contributed the most money per hour. I was shocked how much time got wasted on unnecessary email and web surfing, usually when I was tired and didn’t want to start the next project on my list.

I did the same time grid idea for volunteer work, babysitting grandkids, and all the other ways I was spending my time.  I knew I wasn’t going to sacrifice weekly time with my grandkids, but frankly, my energy was running out before the week ended.

What Are Your Priorities?

After adding up the hours in various categories (work, sleep, eating, grandkids, healthy activities like walking, etc.), I then listed my activities in order of priority based on the amount of time used per week. It was a shocker. The things I knew in my heart were my priorities were closer to the bottom of my list than the top. I was surprised how little time I spent weekly on the people and work projects that were the loves of my life.

One book I read said that how you spend your time reveals your true priorities, no matter what you claim they are. So I decided to journal the answers to several questions over the course of last summer. Here are some of the questions I prayerfully asked myself:

• Am I living a balanced life?
• What’s missing from my list of activities?
• If I died tomorrow, would I be happy with how I spent my last week on earth? [Not such a far-fetched question as my dad died at 61.]
• Are my priorities what I thought they would be at this time of my life?
• How much of my time is spent doing for others things they could (and should be) doing for themselves?
• Which of my activities bring me joy?
• Am I involved in too many activities? [I tend to join things and run groups, but I forget to drop out of one thing before taking on another. Last summer I still had leadership positions in three volunteer organizations that involved a lot of time.]

I took my time journaling those questions and answers. I was ruthlessly honest since I knew no one but me would see it.

Take Action–Create New Priorities

You’re not cutting anything out yet, but evaluate your time-grid list based on things revealed by your journaling. (I know this looks like a lot of work, but I took most of last year to do it and think about it.) Consciously choose new priorities based on what’s really important and necessary for you.

Ask yourself questions like:

• What’s most important to you at this time in your life?
• Where would you like to spend more of your time?
• Are there areas that need your attention (your health, a relationship, career, finances, kids/grandkids?)
• Is there a secret dream or desire that keeps getting put on the back burner that you’d like to spend time on? What is it?

Give yourself permission to be totally honest about your desires. Most of our lives seem to be run on “shoulds.” Forget about them for the moment and focus on the true desires of your heart. What feels vitally important to your well-being?

Now Comes the Hard Part

While I have gotten better over the years at saying “no” to obvious cases of abuse or unfair business practices or demands, it is still the hardest thing for me to do. But we can’t make time for the things that are truly our priorities (including our own health) if we can’t say “no” to what is dragging us under.

If you’re like most people, you probably find yourself saying yes to things that are not a priority for you. I know I’ve blogged about this topic a lot. We tend to say “yes” too quickly, and then we’re stuck with our commitment.

What stops us from saying “no” or “I want to get out of this party/lunch/volunteer position/etc.”? Many reasons. We’re afraid we’ll disappoint others. We’re afraid we’ll make someone mad, and we don’t want to deal with it. People might not like us. There could be serious consequences (losing a job or relationship). We’re afraid to say “no.”

A Fear Guideline

Here is a terrific question you can use to help you determine whether fear is stopping you from saying “no” to something in your life. It’s the $64,000 question that finally helped me weed out and/or cut back on some activities and “get a life.” Here’s the question:

If you could say no to someone or something, knowing that there would be absolutely no hard feelings or negative consequences, who or what would you say no to?

Once I was honest with myself, using that question as a guideline, the decisions came quickly. I started taking action, small step at a time, to carve out a writing life that I wanted. Cutting down on blogging time was just one of many decisions I made in the last part of 2011 so that 2012 would reflect my priorities better.

How about you? Do you need to take some time to reflect and make course corrections? I’m behind you all the way!

September 2, 2011

A month ago I wrote about the “Tug of War in Finding Balance.” “Doing our best has limits,” says Richard Swenson, author of Margins. “Our rush toward excellence in one quadrant of life must not be permitted to cause destruction in another.” Those who go “all out” for success in one area – even writing – risk failure in other important areas of life.

The tug of war happens when we are trying to be excellent in so many roles: writers, parenting children and grandchildren, caring for elderly parents, neighbors, church members, and more. It can be overwhelming!

From Stuck to Unstuck

The sense of being overwhelmed can quickly solidify into being stuck. Enter a lovely little book called Simple Acts of Moving Forward: 60 Suggestions for Getting Unstuck by Vinita Hampton Wright. As she says, when you have too many things on your plate, “Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to just not care so much about how something will turn out.”

It’s all right to set your own priorities. It’s all right not to care about some things–no matter WHO thinks you should (including me). Why? Because if you care deeply about everything, you’ll burn out now and live an exhausted life.

And exhausted writers have a terrible time writing.

All on Your Shoulders?

Sometimes we feel like everything is up to us. Usually it really isn’t. Even with those projects or jobs that are totally up to you, they may not really need to be done (like kids’ big birthday parties.) Or they can be done with help (like moving it to McDonalds). Only you can decide what things really matter to you.

As Ms. Wright says, “You can decide what is most important, what is next in importance, what you can take or leave, and what has nothing to do with you. Others may think you should care, but it’s not their job to decide what your priorities should be.” (This includes your writing! NO ONE else gets to decide where it belongs on your list of priorities!)

What To Do?

What can you do if you’re sinking under responsibilities that choke out your writing time? Ms. Wright advises, “If you are overwhelmed, find one thing to stop caring about and stop caring right now.”

If you’re brave, leave a comment and tell us one thing you’re going to stop caring about–or at least caring so much about. [I'll start: right now I am going to stop caring about a party I need to go to tomorrow night--what to wear, finding someone to talk to, how to leave early...you introverts know what I mean!]

May 19, 2010

A few weeks ago in “Find a Need and Fill It” I asked for your input concerning the topics you find most helpful in this blog.

Thank you all for the responses! It’s been very helpful. The requests fell into three main categories. Since I blog on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, that made it easy for me. From now on, this will be my general blogging schedule so that I can cover each topic area regularly.

What You Can Expect

Monday = Inner Motivation (includes:)

• fears–all kinds!
• discipline
• focus
• goals
• rejection
• lack of motivation
• encouragement
• a writer’s dream life
• procrastination
• working with our “inner editor”
• enjoying writing more
• perseverance
• creative inspiration
• writer’s block

Wednesday = Outer Challenges (includes:)

• setting boundaries
• time management
• distractions
• discipline
• writing schedules
• goal setting
• balancing writing with chaos in life
• balancing day jobs with writing
• our writing needs (vs. “their” needs)
• self-defeating behaviors

Friday = Tips ‘n’ Tricks of the Trade (includes:)

• specific genre help
• writing books I’ve found helpful
• blogs I find useful
• classes I’ve taken
• voice (writer’s and character’s)
• critique groups
• conferences
• working with publishers
• marketing–all kinds
• considering the audience when writing
• dealing with publishers who don’t respond
• finding good markets
• developing depth in writing
• selling “unique” pieces instead of jumping on the bandwagon

Thanks for Your Input

All your feedback has been immensely helpful in organizing future blog posts and making sure I cover topics you want to hear about and find useful. If I missed anything on these lists, feel free to let me know!

May 15, 2009

Surprise! I just returned from ten days in England!

We visited homes of famous authors, Chepstow and Goodrich castles, the Tintern Abbey ruins, Stonehenge, Salisbury Cathedral, and Oxford. We hiked in Wales along the Wye River, rode trains, navigated the Underground in London, and learned to drive on the left side of the road. My absolute favorite times were visiting Jane Austen’s homes in Bath and Chawton Village, plus a 90-minute private tour of C.S. Lewis’ home by the wonderful warden of The Kilns. (More about the Lewis home later.)

Our super-generous children gave us plane tickets to the U.K. last year for our annivesary, and I planned and saved for this trip all year. I didn’t mention it before we left because I’d heard that burglars were high tech now and read blogs to find out when people would be leaving their homes unattended. I left my computer behind, and a friend posted my pre-written blog entries. (Thank you, Joanna!) I didn’t even check email when gone. I wanted to immerse myself in the worlds of Jane Austen and C.S. Lewis–and it was pure heaven on earth.

Kinship of Writers

Jane’s home in Chawton was where she revised Sense & Sensibility and Pride & Prejudice for publication. Here she also wrote Emma, Persuasion, Mansfield Park and part of another novel before becoming ill. After visiting Jane’s house in Chawton, I felt a kinship with her. She lived in the kind of home I would have loved (see below): several hundred years old, two stories, cozy fireplaces in every room, big flower and vegetable gardens, set on a cobblestone street lined with tiny shops and thatched-roof cottages.

Her writing desk (above–seen behind glass) was tiny. I was struck by the contrast between her small desk, just big enough for her paper and ink well, and my two desks back home covered with computers, printers, books, notebooks, and assorted junk. Jane had no shelves of how-to writing books, no writing room of her own, no Internet or cell phone.

She wrote in the mornings, after breakfast, before helping her mother and sister with household tasks or visiting or entertaining numerous nieces and nephews. She put her writing first in her day, before it got taken over by friends or family or other obligations. There was a lesson for me!

She also wrote about what she knew and experienced–and what interested her–despite pressure from her publisher to write what would make more money. They wanted gothic and historical romances, not her “simple little stories” about her everyday village life and how several families affected each other. (Remember: although her books are historical to her present-day fans, she was writing contemporary fiction.) Her heroes and heroines who learned about their character flaws and overcame them–like Darcy’s pride and Lizzie’s tendency toward hasty judgments–were considered too tame for the reading public.

Write Your Passion

I loved reading Jane’s responses to the publisher’s pressure. Her replies (there were photocopies of her letters) basically said that she could only write what they wanted if she were literally starving, and even though historical romances might be more popular or profitable than her “domestic stories of country villages…I would be hung before I could finish the first chapter…No, I must keep to my own style and go on in my own way, though I may never succeed again.” Wouldn’t that same publisher be astounded today to see the thousands of fans who still flock to the Jane Austen walking tours in Bath, the Jane Austen Centre, and her home in Chawton, who buy her books and watch movies made of them? Isn’t there a lesson for all writers here?

Perhaps this is what Jane was thinking when she wrote (in Mansfield Park): “We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.”

(I hope this blog makes sense. I’ve been up since 2 a.m. My body still thinks it’s in England–or wishes it was!)

January 21, 2009

Do your writing first! Leave the dishes and your exercise routine and everything else–and just write. Haven’t we all heard that advice a hundred times?

I have–and I’m still no good at it. But from this point on, I will be!

Accountability, thy name is Donna!

In the online class I’m taking this month, we were encouraged to pair up with what is called a change coach. We hold each other accountable and encourage each other to pursue our goals. And we’re supposed to confront (nicely) when our partner isn’t keeping her commitment.

My change coach is Donna McDine, the middle-grade novel reviewer at the Writing for Children Center. A graduate of the Institute’s course, she also blogs at the “Write What Inspires You!” site. We noticed this week that while we both have great written goals, put in lots of hours, and truly LOVE to write–we weren’t getting much writing done on our own projects. (We wrote for others, critiqued, reviewed, taught, and blogged–but by the time we got around to our own books, we were too tired or it was evening and others needed us.)

Ready, Set, Go!

So, we made a deal, Donna and I. We have committed to writing first thing each morning on our own projects. I’m aiming for a minimum of an hour daily. If we can do more, great. But Monday through Friday, we’ve promised to spend time on our books first. When we’re done, we’ll email each other to say how long we wrote. It won’t take us long to send that email, but since I’ll know Donna is waiting for my report, I bet I get the writing done.

It’s on our schedule first now. And we’re planning ahead for success. We’re taking time before we quit each day to set up our desks with all the materials we’ll need to get started right away in the morning. One iron-clad rule we agreed on: absolutely NO Internet until the writing is done.

Do YOU write first thing each morning, before you get caught up in the day’s demands? If so, what are the tricks YOU use to make it work? We can use all the tips you have as we try to establish this new habit!

May 16, 2008

Does anyone else feel the constant push-pull between their commitment to writing and their commitment to their families? I was just talking about this yesterday with another busy writing friend. We’re both empty nesters now, and we both expected to spend endless hours writing every day. Take out the hours needed for website work and other book promotion (speaking, teaching workshops, signings, etc.) and, in theory, there are still about five hours per day to write. If you exercise, then make it four. Four would work, as long as you spent evening and weekends reading about the craft of writing and reading current books in your genre.
Hmmm…

Where’s family fit in? Although my kids are grown, I have two girls living in this town and both my grandchildren. I love spending time with them more than anything else. I want to invest in their lives–and they’re just plain fun to be with!

The point of all this?

I have two deadlines that I am behind on. I’ve put in tons of hours on both projects, but they are coming along more slowly than I’d anticipated. Even so…today I’m quitting early and taking my grandkids (ages 2 and 5) down to the pond to go frog hunting. It’s rained three times this week, and the tiny half-inch frogs should be hopping!

Could I get more writing done if I stayed in my office this afternoon and evening? Yes. Do I feel guilty about the fun I’m going to have with my grandkids, or the bonding time this evening, the hugs and kisses, watching an episode of “Little House on the Prairie,” and popping popcorn? Not one bit!

Work hard at your writing, yes–but don’t let it mix up your priorities.