August 23, 2010

“Enthusiasm, motivation, and dedication are necessary for your success as a writer,” says Kelly L. Stone, author of Living Write: the secret to inviting your craft into your daily life.

But…what if you don’t have all those emotional tools (the enthusiasm, motivation and dedication) at your disposal? “Don’t worry,” says Kelly. “They can be learned as part of the thought-feeling-behavior cycle.”

Same Old Thing? Not!

I’ve heard before that thoughts cause your feelings which cause your actions, and you probably have to. However, Ms. Stone gives a very helpful twist to the “you can change how you feel and act by changing how you think” mantra. And this “plus” makes the idea instantly useful to anyone trying to improve her writing life.

How? By seeing this as a cycle, not a linear set of events. I’d always heard that you had to go in order-1, 2, 3. You change your thoughts first, then your feelings would change, and then your behavior would change. However, this author claims (and I agree after trying it out) that it’s not a straight line, but instead a cycle that runs like a loop.

What does this mean to writers? It means you change any one element of the cycle, and you will by necessity change the other two parts. You don’t have to start with changing your thoughts if you don’t want to. You can change your writing life by changing whatever is easiest for you.

Practical Terms

For example, maybe you’re a Nike-Just-Do-It! kind of writer. You can’t bring your thoughts or emotions into subjection, but you can grit your teeth and sit yourself down at the keyboard right on schedule. If that’s true-if controlling behavior is the easiest part of the cycle for you-then skip worrying about your thoughts and feelings and hit the behavior first.

Maybe it’s easier for you to deal with feelings. I know a perky, sanguine writer whose depressed anxious feelings rebound to optimism just by taking a nap! However, maybe for a variety of publishing and non-publishing reasons, your feelings about writing are sour, and fixing those ricocheting feelings is a losing battle. Then tackle another part of the cycle that is easier for you. (Personally, no matter what I’m going through, I find controlling or changing feelings the hardest part.)

Of the three aspects of the cycle, thoughts are easiest for me to change. It means I have to tell myself the truth, but in a kind way. (See Pitch It to Yourself and In Your Write Mind.) Over the years, for many problems that I faced, I learned the importance of positive affirmations based on truth. I saw that repeating these truths daily for weeks and months could totally reprogram my brain and change my attitude, my feelings, and the resultant actions.

No Right or Wrong Way

The point? Whatever part of the cycle is easiest for you on any given day, do that. You only need to change one element of the cycle in order to affect the other parts. One day you might find it easiest to self-talk your feelings into shape; other days it might just be easier to sit down and write and forget about your depression for a while. Whichever aspect you choose, it will affect your writing.

If you think more positively about your writing, your feelings will improve and you’ll find yourself wanting to sit down and write.

Or you can work on the feelings part: the author suggested saying, “I love to write!” whenever your feelings were negative. Those improved feelings will prompt you to write, and writing for an hour or two will change how you think about yourself.

Or work on the behaviors part-bribe yourself to sit down and write each morning for a set amount of time, and see how that reprograms your thoughts and feelings about yourself as a writer.

It All Adds Up

Changing one aspect of the cycle changes them all. You may have to experiment to find which part changes most easily for you. Instead of succumbing to a downward negative spiral, one change and you boost the cycle upward.

“You can see how thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are directly connected,” says Ms. Stone. “This is why learning to control your thought-feeling-behavior cycle is so important–because it’s cumulative and self-perpetuating.”

Which part of the cycle do you suspect would be the easiest part for you to change ? Leave a comment below!

August 20, 2010

If a friend from your critique group told you ”I just can’t get started on my story today,” what would you say? “Get moving, you lazy do-nothing wannabe!” I hope not!

If your writing friend bemoans receiving another rejection, do you say, “Well, what did you expect? Your novel stinks!”?

I would hope not. Most of us are better friends than that…except to ourselves.

Your Own Best Friend

Listen to how you talk to yourself. When you procrastinate, do you beat yourself up? Do you call yourself names? And to paraphrase Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for you?” Does it spur you on to do your best writing–or to give up and eat a pint of ice cream?

When you receive a rejection, do you downgrade your writing? Do you tell yourself that publishing is just a pipe dream, that it’s for others but not for you?

Do you say things to yourself that you would NEVER say to a writer friend?

Time to STOP!

Learn to tell yourself the truth–but with kindness. Be a mirror that reflects back understanding. If you got off course, gently encourage yourself back on the writing path you want to travel.

Not:

• You’re so lazy that you’ll never get anything written and published.
• No editor or agent will ever read your novel, much less publish it!
• You only have friends on Facebook because they don’t really know you.

Say this instead:

• You may have trouble getting started because you’re afraid of something. Try journaling to get to the bottom of it.
• You may (or may not) find an editor who loves your novel–but you’ll never know if you don’t keep sending it out. Let’s try one more time.
• Many people in your real life know you and love you. Make a list. Be thankful for each person on the list.

Be That Good Friend

The next time you stall or hit a rough spot in your work, talk to yourself like a true friend would. Be kind, be understanding, give some praise, and encourage yourself to try again.

You can be your own best friend.

August 18, 2010

“Some days, even the best dentist doesn’t feel like being a dentist,” says Seth Godin on his blog. “And a lifeguard might not feel like being a lifeguard. Fortunately, they have appointments, commitments and jobs. They have to show up. They have to start doing the work.”

The result?

“Most of the time, this jump start is sufficient to get them over the hump, and then they go back to being in the zone and doing their best work.”

But…What About Writers?

If we work at home, we don’t have to keep strict office hours. No one will know–or the little ones underfoot won’t care–if we keep that “appointment” with our novel or article or lesson. No one will fire us if we don’t show up and do our writing.

It’s not that writers can’t have the momentum of the dentist or lifeguard. It’s just that no outside boss is going to help you get going, get over the hump, and build that momentum. You will have to do it yourself.

You must be a self-starter. (Gulp.) That’s the truth.

Help Is on the Way

There are terrific motivational books for writers. I’ve blogged about many of them. You can also re-read some blog entries on getting started or entries on the psychology of writing. These will often be enough to prime the pump and get you to the computer or legal pad.

Getting started and building your own writing momentum is a struggle for ALL writers. That’s why ten chapters in my Writer’s First Aid book are devoted to getting started and ten more on work habits that work for you. (Here you’ll find four sample chapters.)

What about you? What is one technique or ritual you use that gets you started writing?

[NOTE: see Nancy's comment below--great idea!]

August 11, 2010

There are days you wake up feeling ache-y because, although you slept hard, you slept funny. There’s a kink in your back or neck. Something isn’t right.

Some evenings your spirit feels “not quite right” as well. Could it be that on those days you worked hard, but you “worked funny”?

Self-Deception

This idea of working “funny” came from Seth Godin’s blog a few days ago, and it really made me think. He said that there are days you work long and hard, convinced that you’ve accomplished something–but you haven’t.

We react, respond, put out fires, attend to others’ projects, answer emails, go to meetings, check off items on a list–yet we’re out of sorts and feel lousy and unproductive at the end of the day.

Which One is You?

I vacillate from one extreme to another, it seems. For example, yesterday, before doing any lessons or blogging or emails, I wrote more than three hours on a novel I had been neglecting for weeks. Then I felt productive and happy and satisfied.

The previous weeks, though, I worked funny. I attended to lengthy lists of chores and office jobs daily, but felt dissatisfied and unproductive. (Truthfully, “working funny” is harder on my spirit than sleeping badly.) Despite being exhausted by evening, I felt restless as well.

Self-Reflection Time

If you’re a writer, I suspect you can identify with the “working funny” dissatisfaction and restlessness described above. Or is it just me?

How does skipping your writing in favor of other busy work make you feel at the end of the day?

July 30, 2010

Over the weekend, I hope you’ll have time to check out some very helpful and thought-provoking blogs I read this week.

Kick back, relax, and enjoy these gems!

Gems of Wisdom

**Agent Wendy Lawton wrote a series called “Career Killers.” Full of wise advice! One post is on speed writing. Other “career killers” included impatience, playing “around the edges,” sloppiness, and skipping the apprenticeship. If you avoid these mistakes in your career, you’ll be miles ahead of the average writer.

**Are you trying to combine babies with bylines? Try “Writing Between Diapers: Tips for Writer Moms” for some practical tips.

**Is your writing journey out of whack because you have unrealistic expections? See literary agent Rachelle Gardner’s post “Managing Expections.”

**Critique groups are great, but you–the writer–must be your own best–and toughest–editor. See Victoria Strauss on “The Importance of Self-Editing.”

**We’re told to set goals and be specific about what success means to us. Do you have trouble with that? You might find clarity with motivational speaker Craig Harper’s “Goals and Anti-Goals.”

**And finish with Joe Konrath’s pithy statements in “A Writer’s Serenity Prayer.” You may want to print them out and tape them to your computer!

Share a Gem!

What have you read lately–online or off–that you felt was particularly insightful or helpful or thought-provoking? I’d love to have you share a link of your own!

July 28, 2010

I received a lot of email about “Obsessed? Absolutely” based on Brainstorm by Eric Maisel. I want to write more about it this week, plus the 30-day “Creative Obsession Challenge” I’m planning with a writer friend in August.

I also want to clarify that this obsessing is more than just heavily thinking about something; it’s about turning that obsession brainstorm into actually creating.

From Thinking to Writing

I’m 2/3 of the way through Maisel’s book, which I am finding intriguing. We all obsess about things or events or people. It seems to be the human default position. However, the idea of turning that wasted obsessing into creative obsession that moves the writing forward excites me.

I like his tips on spotting negative obsessions, as well as preventing your creative obsession from sliding into something negative. His ideas of how to work this creative obsessing time into an already full life were good and echoed many of the things we’ve discussed on this blog.

FYI

While I want to share a lot of Maisel’s ideas, my concern is that I don’t plagiarize his book here. For example, I’d like to give you his ten steps from Chapter Eleven on “Your Productive Obsession Checklist,” but I shouldn’t. You’ll need to buy his book for that.

However, a friend of mine who was involved with the research Maisel did for Brainstorm sent me a link to a lengthy interview with the author. This gives a good overview of the book and its ideas. I hope you’ll read it.

To whet your appetite for exploring this “creative obsession” idea on your own, I will quote from some of the people who took his 30-Day Challenge.  There were many ups and downs throughout the month as people bit into their creative obsessions and held on for the ride. But reading their final reports made me say, “I want that too!”

Productive Changes

For example, at the end of the month of “creatively obsessing,” here’s what some people were saying:

• Jerry: The thing that surprised me the most was how happy I have been this month…It made me realize that I’m the one who makes up the rules that I live by, so it helped me break out of some old habits.
• Alice: I recognized the difference between my negative obsessive thoughts and my productive obsessive thoughts. The negative thoughts just walk circles in my head, and nothing else happens…The productive obsessive thoughts push me into motion. They excite and energize me.
• Marissa: I was suprised that I could keep obsessing in spite of interruptions and day job busyness…I don’t have to lose it whenever life throws in a monkey wrench and then find it all over again.
• John: I am no longer rushing yet am getting infinitely more done.

I hope those statements (by formerly frustrated, blocked, anxious writers and artists) inspire you to look into creatively obsessing. Start by reading the author’s interview on the subject.

Does this subject intrigue you? Does it sound like something you’d also like to try for 30 days? Give it some thought!

July 26, 2010

Does your mind ever go ’round and ’round like it’s on some infernal hamster wheel? Mine does–and I waste so much time I could be writing. 

I try to stop because I assumed obsessing was a negative thing. It doesn’t have to be, though, not according to Eric Maisel in Brainstorm: Harnessing the Power of Productive Obsessions. Maisel is a psychotherapist who works with writers and artists, and author of another most helpful book, Fearless Creating.

The Life of Obsessing

First, does the writer below sound like you? (Frankly, Maisel could have been eavesdropping on my brain waves and transcribed my thoughts!) This is what one of his writer clients shared.

“I have always wanted to make a living as a writer. But I always let things hold me back. I let having a day job sidetrack me; I let fear sidetrack me. I procrastinate wildly; and yet the less I write, the unhappier I become with everything. I can’t let go of the desire to write, but I need to let go of the unproductive obsessing I do  about writing–the worry about not being good enough, the worry that I won’t be able to make a living, the worry that I won’t be able to think of anything wonderful to write about.”

And the result of all her obsessing?

“I get more and more stressed out, and I write less and less, and it becomes a particularly nasty downward spiral.”

Surprising Goal!

The author’s book isn’t about stopping the obsessions. In fact, Maisel encourages them! His idea is about harnessing all that brain power you’re using in a negative way and turning it into a positive brainstorm of ideas.

A productive obsession is an idea that you choose for good reasons and pursue with all your brain’s power. It might be an idea for a novel or the solution to a personal problem.

According to Maisel, the super focused productive obsession is the mind-set of the creative person. It sounds wonderful to me! I’ll be writing some more about this throughout the week, I think.

Tell Me I’m Not Alone

Do you have trouble focusing that prevents you from getting in the flow of your writing? Do you ever have the above-mentioned “hamster wheel-itis”? I sure hope I’m not the only one! Maybe we can find an answer to it together!

July 23, 2010

I talk a lot about having a positive attitude about the writing life, but your attitude isn’t everything.

There’s no doubt about the power of a positive outlook–I would be the first to say so. Dealing with your self-doubts and writing fears is critically important. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking it will substitute for other things.

At some workshops I gave last week, I met several new writers who had the most positive expectations about their future careers that I’d ever seen. I envied them actually! But then I probed a bit deeper and found something that may well derail those writers’ dreams.

What a Positive Attitude Can’t Do

• Having a hopeful and cheery  attitude about your writing won’t matter if you’re not competent at handling words and basic English grammar. You need those skills! If you don’t have them, acquire them.
• Are you actually writing and developing your craft? If you’re a fiction writer, are you working on character development, how to write believable dialogue, and plotting? If you write nonfiction, are you working on your research and querying skills? (And no, contrary to what you might hear, blogging or journaling doesn’t count because it rarely builds actual necessary skills other than the habit of daily writing.)
• Attitude won’t change the facts in your life. Fact: you have three children under the age of four and get little time to yourself. A positive attitude won’t change that. Instead, you must incorporate that fact into your writing plans. (Write in snippets of time. Write about your experiences for parenting magazines and e-zines.) Thinking positively that today you’ll have three hours alone to write is just a fantasy.
• A positive attitude won’t substitute for change. Time runs out after a while. There comes a time when you have to stop dreaming about the writing life you want to lead, complete with visualizations and an illustrated wish book. There comes a time to actually start living the writing life. (Keep an idea file. Join a critique group. Write daily or almost daily. Learn to do market study–even if you detest it.) Unless you take concrete steps to actually live the writer’s life, all the positive attitudes in the world won’t help.

Go One Step Further

Never stop having a positive attitude! It’s vital. But as writer and leadership expert John Maxwell says, “Attitude fills us with hope that we might reach our dreams. But hope apart from action falls flat.”

Definitely KEEP your attitude positive. I don’t mean to negate that in any way. But take definite steps to put a foundation under your attitude so that your dreams really do come true.

So…what is one small step you can take today to move your hopes to the next level?

[P.S. Forgive me for not getting to your comments this week until tonight. It's been one of those weeks! But I believe I've responded to them all now. Thanks for your patience!]

July 16, 2010

Want a super easy way to organize and remember things? Then discover the dozens of uses of sticky notes.

Their key advantage is in their ability to stick cleanly to files, papers, banners, phones, walls, doors, chairs, and books.

They come in all shapes and sizes–even smells! My personal favorites are Post-It notes in the shape of orange stars and my pink ones imprinted with a Louisa May Alcott quote: “She is too fond of books, and it has addled her brain.”

Uses for Sticky Notes

There are all kinds of paper sticky notes and free computerized sticky notes. [See the end of the blog post for unusual uses for computer sticky notes.] You can order paper notes online or buy them at WalMart or any office supply store. Some uses are obvious–but many will be new ideas to help you as a writer.

• Leave yourself message reminders (about writing and non-writing chores to do, when you have to leave for an appointment, when you have a phone call scheduled)
• Bookmark pages to find research, places to call in the phone book, and directions and names on your map.
• Make business tools. You can order sticky notes with pre-printed messages, your personal logo, or your business card info. Use them if you’re out to lunch (post on your front door or computer screen). Give these business tools as gifts.
• Map your day. Put sticky notes on a wall map showing where each errand or meeting  is located. Group them. After running that errand, remove the sticky note.

There is also a free sticky note software download for Windows.  With it, according to their website, you can do more than customize their look and then stick the note on your computer screen. You can also:

• send sticky notes over a local network
• send sticky notes over the Internet
• customize sticky notes any way you need
• edit and format sticky notes
• print sticky notes

Time Management Books

Using sticky notes is just one time management idea. For hundreds of other ideas, see my time management book list.

What is your most unusual use for a sticky note–either writing or non-writing-related?

July 7, 2010

Do you think about what you’re thinking about?

You should!

Controlling Toxic Thoughts

I’ve been reading a lot lately about current brain research and the huge impact our thoughts have on our creativity, our health, and how we use our gifts. I highly recommend a couple of fascinating books by Dr. Caroline Leaf called Who Switched Off My Brain? (Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions) and The Gift in You (Thomas Nelson Publishers). I couldn’t put either one down.

But Then What?

Let’s say you’re already convinced that your thoughts are critically important. Perhaps you’ve believed for a long time that as a man thinks, so does he become. Maybe you’ve even noticed that you think some pretty rotten and discouraging thoughts from time to time!

Is it enough to just stop thinking those negative thoughts? I don’t know-but I doubt that it’s possible. Even if it were, a totally blank mind isn’t much help to a writer.

Truth Wins Out

Studies have shown that you need to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones, but it does no good to lie to yourself.  You could stop telling yourself, “I’m such a rotten writer” and start saying instead, “I’m the best writer in the country!” But you’d know inside that (a) it’s not true, and (b) you don’t believe it. It wouldn’t change anything.

The goal is not to  replace a wrong thought with a silly or happy thought. You replace them with affirmative, true, real thoughts.

And that’s where Eric Maisel’s Write Mind comes in. [The subtitle is 299 Things Writers Should Never Say to Themselves (and What They Should Say Instead).] As he asserts, “You want to write more often and more deeply… To meet these goals, you must improve how you communicate with yourself.”

Some of his “right mind/write mind” ideas are humorous, but there’s a lot of truth in them too. “My hope is that you can learn to think right,” Maisel says. “I hope you can learn to say, ‘I wrote an awful first novel and now I’m starting on my second novel’ instead of, ‘I wrote an awful first novel and that proves I’m an idiot.’”

Listen to Yourself

When you’re struggling to write or deal with disappointing writing news, what kinds of things do you say to yourself? Is there something else you could tell yourself that would lift you up instead of push you deeper into a depression? For starters, let me give you a few of Maisel’s 299 suggestions. I hope you will then either buy his little book or make your own personalized list.

• Wrong Mind: “I need what I am writing to be loved.”
• Right Mind: “I need what I am writing to be strong.”
• Wrong Mind: “Somebody has the answer and if I take enough writing workshops I am sure to happen upon the answer.”
• Right Mind: “I learn to write by writing and I learn to market by marketing.”
• Wrong Mind: “I can’t describe things.”
• Right Mind: “I should practice describing things.”
• Wrong Mind: “I haven’t written for six months. That must mean that I will never write again.”
• Right Mind: “I am very ready to write after six months of not writing.”

How’s YOUR Mind Today?

Learn to distinguish your right thinking from your wrong-injurious thinking. You can be your own worst enemy here-or your own best friend. It’s your choice.

If you’re feeling very brave, leave a comment below with one of your “wrong mind” statements and then a better “right mind” statement you intend to tell yourself from now on!

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