August 25, 2010

Because pessimism measures (in part) your ability to keep going and not quit in the face of unpleasant or disappointing circumstances, I didn’t expect the book Learned Optimism to have much to say to me.

My whole life has been about not quitting in the face of severe physical problems, depressing family life issues, and major publishing downturns. It’s been about taking responsibility, learning from things, and moving on.

“I’m no quitter” is as much a part of me as my hair color (under the Preference by L’Oreal) and my brown eyes. Yes, I sometimes took on too much. Yes, my health wasn’t always the best. But I always pressed on even if things looked hopeless.

That should earn me a high score on the book’s lengthy optimism test, right?

Um…no.

This Can’t Be Right!

I was shocked. I called my best friend who had read the book and asked what her score was. She got a 9–meaning very high optimism. I’m not surprised. She’s a great encourager.

I got a 0. (Oh, I got +14 on some good stuff, but a -14 on the bad stuff, effectively cancelling out the positives.) The test and research are based on what author Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D. calls your “explanatory style.” It’s how you perceive the reasons behind the good things and bad things that happen to you-and your assumptions about the future.

It’s BIG

According to Seligman, “It matters a great deal if your explanatory style is pessimistic. If you scored poorly, there are four areas where you will encounter (and probably already have encountered) trouble.”

He mentioned that you’ll (1) get depressed more easily, (2) achieve less at your career than your talent warrants [listen, writers!], (3) have poorer physical health and an immune system not as good as it should be, and (4) life won’t be as pleasurable as it should be.

The author assures me that there are many ways to change your thinking in all these areas of your life. Evidently my “explanatory style” needs a major revamping. I’m looking forward to the rest of the book. It’s very research-heavy in the first half, so I may skip to the chapters on “how to fix it.”

Expect to hear more about this in future weeks! In this time of publishing upheaval and downturns, might you benefit from some “learned optimism” yourself?

August 20, 2010

If a friend from your critique group told you ”I just can’t get started on my story today,” what would you say? “Get moving, you lazy do-nothing wannabe!” I hope not!

If your writing friend bemoans receiving another rejection, do you say, “Well, what did you expect? Your novel stinks!”?

I would hope not. Most of us are better friends than that…except to ourselves.

Your Own Best Friend

Listen to how you talk to yourself. When you procrastinate, do you beat yourself up? Do you call yourself names? And to paraphrase Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for you?” Does it spur you on to do your best writing–or to give up and eat a pint of ice cream?

When you receive a rejection, do you downgrade your writing? Do you tell yourself that publishing is just a pipe dream, that it’s for others but not for you?

Do you say things to yourself that you would NEVER say to a writer friend?

Time to STOP!

Learn to tell yourself the truth–but with kindness. Be a mirror that reflects back understanding. If you got off course, gently encourage yourself back on the writing path you want to travel.

Not:

• You’re so lazy that you’ll never get anything written and published.
• No editor or agent will ever read your novel, much less publish it!
• You only have friends on Facebook because they don’t really know you.

Say this instead:

• You may have trouble getting started because you’re afraid of something. Try journaling to get to the bottom of it.
• You may (or may not) find an editor who loves your novel–but you’ll never know if you don’t keep sending it out. Let’s try one more time.
• Many people in your real life know you and love you. Make a list. Be thankful for each person on the list.

Be That Good Friend

The next time you stall or hit a rough spot in your work, talk to yourself like a true friend would. Be kind, be understanding, give some praise, and encourage yourself to try again.

You can be your own best friend.

July 26, 2010

Does your mind ever go ’round and ’round like it’s on some infernal hamster wheel? Mine does–and I waste so much time I could be writing. 

I try to stop because I assumed obsessing was a negative thing. It doesn’t have to be, though, not according to Eric Maisel in Brainstorm: Harnessing the Power of Productive Obsessions. Maisel is a psychotherapist who works with writers and artists, and author of another most helpful book, Fearless Creating.

The Life of Obsessing

First, does the writer below sound like you? (Frankly, Maisel could have been eavesdropping on my brain waves and transcribed my thoughts!) This is what one of his writer clients shared.

“I have always wanted to make a living as a writer. But I always let things hold me back. I let having a day job sidetrack me; I let fear sidetrack me. I procrastinate wildly; and yet the less I write, the unhappier I become with everything. I can’t let go of the desire to write, but I need to let go of the unproductive obsessing I do  about writing–the worry about not being good enough, the worry that I won’t be able to make a living, the worry that I won’t be able to think of anything wonderful to write about.”

And the result of all her obsessing?

“I get more and more stressed out, and I write less and less, and it becomes a particularly nasty downward spiral.”

Surprising Goal!

The author’s book isn’t about stopping the obsessions. In fact, Maisel encourages them! His idea is about harnessing all that brain power you’re using in a negative way and turning it into a positive brainstorm of ideas.

A productive obsession is an idea that you choose for good reasons and pursue with all your brain’s power. It might be an idea for a novel or the solution to a personal problem.

According to Maisel, the super focused productive obsession is the mind-set of the creative person. It sounds wonderful to me! I’ll be writing some more about this throughout the week, I think.

Tell Me I’m Not Alone

Do you have trouble focusing that prevents you from getting in the flow of your writing? Do you ever have the above-mentioned “hamster wheel-itis”? I sure hope I’m not the only one! Maybe we can find an answer to it together!

June 28, 2010

According to Walking on Alligators: A Book of Meditations for Writers by Susan Shaughnessy, “Depression is surprisingly frequent in writers… ”

I think it shows up on Mondays more than any other day. It could be from a downward turn in your health, bad news about a child, a day job issue, a fight with your spouse, or your hormones have gone haywire. Or you could just be really tired.

Whatever the cause, the “blues” can derail your writing for the day–or week–if you let it.

Dealing with Depression

I used to spend so much time “dealing” with depression. Getting to the bottom of it, finding out what the experts said about my issue, praying for help, figuring out a “plan” to deal with the problem, and…not writing.

All that dealing took away from my writing, but I assumed there was no choice. After all, you can’t write when you’re depressed, can you? Won’t everything you write be horrible and dark and depressing?

Surprisingly not.

Grit and Determination?

Shaughnessy continues: “Writing goes on in spite of depression. Depression can be paralyzing; but if you can, by sheer discipline, fight your way to your regular writing place, you may be amazed by the quality of what you produce… Writing won’t banish depression. But depression doesn’t have to banish writing.”

Actually, for me, the writing often does banish depression–at least for the time you’re writing. But the important truth there is this: depression doesn’t have to banish writing.

Just Try It

So if you’re having a “blue Monday” today, get into your favorite writing position, and write anyway. Don’t waste the day. Put your problems on hold for an hour or two, and just write. You will probably be astounded in a few days at the fine quality of what you produced, even when depressed.

One caution: Don’t edit (especially, don’t discard) while depressed. Write instead. You’re not a good judge of your work when blue. Wait to edit until the sun comes out again.

May 10, 2010

When I’m frustrated, it’s usually a sign that I’m trying to control something I can’t control. This can be a person or a situation or an event. The process can churn your mind into mush until you can’t think.

On the other hand, making a 180-degree switch and focusing on the things I can control (self-control) is the fastest way out of frustration. This concept certainly applies to your writing life.

Words of Wisdom

Remember the Serenity Prayer? It goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

How about reducing frustration with your writing life by applying that wisdom to your career? Here are some things to accept that you cannot change:

• How long it takes to get a response from editors and agents
• Rejections
• Editors moving before buying the manuscript they asked to see
• Size of print runs
• Reviews
• Publisher’s budget for your book’s publicity and promotion

Trying to change anything on the above list is a sure-fire route to frustration and wanting to quit.

However, do you have courage to change the things you can? Here are some:

• Giving yourself positive feedback and affirmations
• Reading positive books on the writing life
• Studying writing craft books
• Writing more hours
• Reading more books in the genre where you want to publish
• Attending local, state, regional and national conferences you can afford
• Joining or forming a critique group

Wisdom to Know the Difference

If you’re battling frustration and discouragement with the writing life, chances are good that you’re trying to control something beyond your control. It will make you crazy! The fastest way back to sanity is to concentrate on what you can control about the writing life.

Choose anything from that second list–or share an additional idea in the comments below–and get on with becoming a better writer. In the end, that’s all you can do–and it will be enough.

April 9, 2010

In the midst of the doldrums, our writing lives come to a standstill. We stop writing, reading craft books and magazines,  journaling, critiquing, and researching.

There is actually a place near the equator named the Doldrums. Because of shifting winds and calm spots in the area, a sailboat caught in the Doldrums could be stranded for days due to lack of wind. When we’re caught in the writing doldrums, our writing boat is stranded for days too.

What causes this? The Doldrums near the equator are caused by alternating calms and squalls. Super highs and super lows. Hyperactivity and then no activity.

That’s exactly what causes the writing doldrums too.

Uneven Pacing

The cycling back and forth between hyperactivity and doldrums is where many of us live. NOTE: the hyperactivity can be writing-related or nonwriting activity. Writerly hyperactivity includes writing marathons for ten hours, getting caught up in the Twitter-Facebook-LinkedIn-MySpace-blog frenzy, and other ways of operating in hyper-drive. Nonwriting hyperactivity can be rushing from one kids’ activity to another while juggling your day job, a birthday party, a sick parent, and your aerobics class.

Either way, you’re too busy and out of balance. This always–and I do mean ALWAYS–is followed by the doldrums where you just can’t make yourself do a thing. (Partly it’s nature’s way of making you slow down and rest.)

Is this your pattern? If so, you’ve probably noticed that the time spent in the doldrums effectively wipes out how much you gained during the hyper times.

The Solution

Do you get tired of crashing, of having days of no productivity that follow your super productive days? After the flurry of frenzied activity that accompanies your adrenaline rush, your bodies, minds, emotions and spirits shut down. This can be prevented though!

It takes daily discipline, but it can be done. And oddly enough, the discipline that’s called for is slowing down. You want to avoid the hyperactive days–be they writing or nonwriting hyper days–so that the doldrums don’t automatically follow.

To avoid the crash, you have to avoid the frantic days that precede it.

Balance and Pacing

If you want to have a writing career that will go the distance, your best bet is to avoid the extreme highs so you can avoid the extreme lows. Even if you can write five straight hours, it’s better for most people to stop after two hours and take a break. Do something else, something physical. Change gears. Let the adrenaline subside. You can write again later if you have time.

If you’re hyper in the nonwriting world, it may mean saying “no” a lot more often. Not everyone who asks for your assistance needs it nearly as much as you need to stop and take a few deep breaths and relax. Most of us have such an automatic “yes” that we don’t even stop to think or pray about the request. It’s only later–when we’re up till midnight trying to get our own things done–that we realize we agreed to something that we should have declined.

The Pay-Off

The writers who last, who keep producing quality writing, are usually those who have found a way to stay on an even keel most of the time. Then they can write daily, produce pages that add up over time, and still have a balanced life away from the keyboard.

Give yourself permission to get out of hyper drive, and thus avoid the writing doldrums. You’re the only one who can make that change. I urge you–and ME–to begin today.

March 31, 2010

I was reading the new Writer Magazine yesterday, and the article about best-selling (as in over 15 million copies) Meg Cabot caught my eye. She said you need to block out what you read about “overnight successes” in the publishing business.

She points to her own experience with rejection, and I challenge you to read this without fainting:

• It took her three years of sending out query letters every day to land an agent.
• Before publishing she got a rejection letter every day in the mail for four years–over 1,000 rejections.

And she didn’t quit! She went on to write over 50 books for juveniles, teens and adults. Her Princess Diaries series became the basis of two hit Disney films.

Slightly Embarrassed

Reading about Meg Cabot’s stick-to-it-iveness made me rather embarrassed for all the times I’ve (1) moaned and groaned about a couple of rejections, and (2) given up on a manuscript after fewer than five rejections. I have four novels in my closet right now that I gave up on after just a few rejections.

This next week I will be dusting them off, re-reading them for possible revisions, and sending them out again.

Rejection Stamina

How about you? What is your “rejection stamina”? Are you another Meg Cabot? I hope so! Look how her stamina has served her well.

If you’re brave, share how many rejections you receive before giving up on a piece. Also, what’s your best tip for getting a manuscript back in the mail ASAP?

March 29, 2010

What have you given up in order to have time to write?

When I started out, giving up my hour of pleasure reading in the afternoon (the kids’ naptime) was the biggest sacrifice I made. I loved that hour of escape where I rose above my daily chores and relished adult language and words longer than one syllable. Yes, I could still read at night when the kids were in bed, but by then I was too sleepy to keep my eyes open.

Are You Sacrificing TOO Much?

We’ve talked lately about tracking your time and then sacrificing some of your current pleasures in order to write. And yes, time for pleasure reading may have to be cut back drastically in the “learning years.” Like many writers, my pleasure reading is now used as a reward. (I often set my timer and write for thirty minutes, promising myself a ten-minute reading break for each thirty minutes of writing. I love those reading breaks!) I try to read at bedtime too, but I still fall asleep too quickly.

I once had a student who read five romance novels per week, every week. Really! I had no problem recommending that she turn 75% of that time into writing time. Most of you don’t have that kind of time to read for pleasure–and I don’t either. You may only have thirty minutes to an hour for pleasure reading. And when you give it up, you’re losing a writer’s #1 most favorite pastime: reading.

Short-Term Sacrifice

If you’ve given up pleasure reading in order to write, I hope you will be able to add it back to your life soon. I think writers need to read. (And not just books on craft or books in the genre you hope to publish in.) Reading for pleasure nurtures our soul–and keeps us in touch with what readers want.

So how can you balance this while you’re learning to write, especially when you’re juggling a day job and/or a family? Make use of alternative methods. Discover books on tape, and listen during car pools or while washing dishes. Discover books on MP3 players like Playaways, or download digital books from your library, and listen to them while you run or garden.

When my time was the shortest–when the kids were small and I was working another job in addition to the writing and school visits–all I could carve out for pleasure reading was fifteen minutes per day. It wasn’t enough time to finish a book in a month–and I couldn’t figure out the plot in those little bits.

During those years, then, I re-read the classics on my shelves. Consequently I’ve memorized whole chunks of Pride & Prejudice, Little Women, and other favorites. Since I already knew the plot and characters, I could relax and just enjoy seeing old friends for fifteen minutes each day.

No Time to Read

I know a good number of full-time professional writers who have given up pleasure reading altogether. They said they just don’t have time. What do you think about that? Is pleasure reading something you’d give up in order to have the writing career of your dreams?

Why–or why not?

March 5, 2010

“Writing is not everything,” says Lisa Shearin in the April, 2010 Writer Magazine. “And if you want longevity in this business, play isn’t just important–it’s critical. We get so intensely focused on having achieved the dream and working so hard to keep the dream going, that we’re blind to the signs that if we keep going down that road at a fast pace, that dream could quickly turn into a nightmare.”

Recipe for Burnout

I was very glad to read her opinion piece–and I wish that message was published more often. I wish someone had said it to me years ago. Having a healthy drive is good, but letting yourself be driven–by others or your own inner critic–will eventually ruin the joy you originally brought to your writing.

“Dreams are meant to be savored and enjoyed,” Shearin says. “You do have to work hard, but sometimes, the work can wait.”

Too Late

Great advice, but what if you’re already burned out? What if–from overwork, juggling too many jobs and family members, a major loss, or chronic illness–your ideas have dried up? I’ve been there twice in my writing life, and it was a scary place to be.

Peggy Simson Curry spoke about this in a Writer Magazine archive article first published in 1967. She detailed the process she followed to “slowly work [her] way back to writing” and discover what had killed her creative urge in the first place.

Face the Fear

I think most writers would agree with Peggy that fear is at the basis of being unable to write–fear that a writer can’t write anything worth publishing. Burned out writers constantly think of writing something that will sell.

“This insidious thinking,” Curry says, “persuades the writer to question every story idea that comes to him. He no longer becomes excited with glimpses of theme, characters, setting, threads of lot. He can only ask desperately, ‘But who will want it?’”

Healing Choices

Among other suggestions, this writer said it was very important to deliberately get outside, away from the writing, and just enjoy the world around you. In other words, play.

Coming out of burnout can be done, but it often takes methodical, small daily disciplines to do it. For me, digging in the flower gardens and stitching small quilted wall hangings finally unclogged my creativity. Things that help will be different for each writer.

Have you ever felt burned out with your writing? If so, what helped you to come out of it and write again? If you have a minute, please share an idea with other readers.

February 10, 2010

According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has about 12,000 thoughts per day, or 4.4 million thoughts per year.

I wager that writers are well above the average because we read more and writing causes us to think more than the average.

Who’s In Charge?

I had known for a long time that our thoughts affect our emotions, and that toxic “stinking thinking” could derail our writing dreams and health faster than almost anything. You are the only one who can decide whether to reject or accept a thought, which thoughts to dwell on, and which thoughts will become actions.

But sometimes–a lot of the time–I felt powerless to actually do anything about it on a consistent basis. Sometimes I simply felt unfocused and overwhelmed.

Need a Brain Detox?

I’ve been reading a “scientific brain studies” book for non-science types like me called Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr. Caroline Leaf Ph.D. which has fascinated me. With scientific studies to back it up, it shows that thoughts are measurable and actually occupy mental “real estate.” Thoughts are active; they grow and change, influencing every decision we make and physical reaction we have.

“Every time you have a thought, it is actively changing your brain and your body–for better or for worse.” The author talks about the “Dirty Dozen”–which can be as harmful as poison in our minds and our bodies.

Killing Our Creativity

Among this dozen deadly areas of toxic thinking are toxic emotions, toxic words, toxic seriousness, toxic health, and toxic schedules.

If you want to delve into the 350+ scientific references and pages of end notes in the back of the book, you can look up the studies. But basically it targets the twelve toxic areas of our lives that produce 80% of the physical, emotional and mental health issues today. And trust me. Those issues have a great deal to do with you achieving your goals and dreams.

There Is Hope!

According to Dr. Leaf, scientists no longer believe that the brain is hardwired from birth with a fixed destiny to wear out with age, a fate predetermined by our genes. Instead there is scientific proof now for what the Bible has always taught: you can renew your minds and heal. Your brain really can change!

Old brain patterns can be altered, and new patterns can be implemented. In the coming days, I’ll share some more about the author’s ”Brain Sweep” five-step strategy for detoxing your thoughts associated with the “dirty dozen.”

But right now I’m going to read about the symptoms of a toxic schedule. I have a suspicion…

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