January 8, 2010

Shocking but true–you need stress in your life in order to grow and in order to attain your goals. Sound weird? It did to me too until I understood the two types of stress.

Distress? Or Eustress?

We all know what bad stress is (or distress). It’s the rejection letter (like the one I got on Monday), the flu bug you can’t shake, the fight with your teenager over curfew, bad news about the publishing economy, and being stuck in traffic when you’re due in the dental office.

The effects of bad stress are well known now: high blood pressure, inability to sleep, weight gain, sore bodies, heart attacks, snarly relationships, overdrawn bank accounts, and having your rotten teeth fall out (after being stuck one too many times in traffic.)

Healthy Challenges

Eustress, on the the other hand, is good for you. Yes, it is a challenge to your body or mind (or both), but the end result is growth and moving toward your goals (instead of away from them.) Eustress might come in the form of a trainer or coach pushing you to stretch your limits, or choosing to study something at night instead of watch TV, or going to counseling with your spouse. Remember, eustress is stress that is healthful and helps you grow in some area.

In many of the choices you make every day, it’s a choice between distress and eustress. The one BIG difference I’ve noticed is that distress tends to overtake you and fall on you without you needing to make any effort at all, while you have to actually choose eustress.

How Much is Too Much?

Can you have too much eustress? We all want to attain our goals and make progress as quickly as possible. Is eustress always a case of “more is better”? No, it’s not. If you’re out of shape, taking a walk each day, and building up the miles over time, is good for you: eustress. Running a 5K race after you’ve done nothing but watch TV for ten years is bad for you: distress.

The same goes for your writing. If the most you’ve ever written is thirty minutes per day, then aiming for 1-2 hours per day would be eustress (good). Deciding to write 8-10 hours per day, on the other hand, would usually cause distress (to both mind and body).

Writer Eustress

For years, I did my best to avoid criticism in all forms, including critiques. I had a very thin skin and couldn’t handle it. It caused me distress. But it wasn’t until an editor at a workshop practically forced me to read my story in a group–and learn to handle constructive criticism–that I discovered there were two kinds. Destructive criticism was the kind to avoid where someone rips your writing apart and haughtily calls you names. However, the good criticism could be immensely helpful, even if it was uncomfortable to hear.

Today, I don’t know what I’d do without my critique group, both for writing help and for their friendship. Yes, even a good critique can cause eustress for a while, but it’s a catalyst for growth.  

You Need To Do Both

If you want to achieve your writing goals this year, you will probably need to do two things. First, be aggressive in getting rid of the bad stress in your life. Second, be just as determined to find sources of good stress to challenge yourself to move forward.

Do both things often enough, and it will literally change your life.

October 28, 2009

I finally had one night off last night after three weeks of meetings, leading two support groups, and attending some necessary functions for a group where I’m Treasurer. People every night! I was wiped out, and yet (very oddly) feeling quite lonely. I couldn’t put my finger on “why.”

Then I read my own blog from two years ago, and the light went on. I’m going to post it again below  because if I needed reminding, you may too. [Hint: being busy and around people constantly may not be fulfilling your social and writerly needs at all.]

A Case of the Lonelies

Having been sick with hacking coughs and flu this week, I didn’t get out or see family as much as usual. So I developed a real case of the lonelies and decided to run some errands that had piled up. I’d get out of my office, smile at a few people, exchange some pleasantries, and I’d feel better.

At least, that’s how it used to work.

This time I went to five or six places, was super efficient, and came home just as lonely before. Why? What had changed? I think it started years ago when we went from gas station attendants to self-service stations. My day of errands went like this:

• Last year, when I mailed a package or bought stamps, I chatted with the lady at the post office window who also had a child in the military who was deployed. Today I mailed a package and bought my stamps at a machine in the lobby.
• Last year, I chatted with the librarian when I checked out my books, and she recommended several new titles on the shelf. Today I checked out at a kiosk.
• Last year I talked to the bank teller about what bug was eating our flowers and how to treat it. Today I got my cash from the ATM machine.
• Last year I talked to the grocery store check-out lady about her arthritis and how hard it was for her to stand all day. Today I took my few items through the self-service check-out.
• Last year the lady at Wal-Mart recommended a better kind of cough drop than the one I was about the buy–her son also suffered from allergies and knew about those things. Today I probably bought another ineffective brand of cough drop because I went through the self-checker aisle.
• Last year I took too long in line at the video store, discussing with a young clerk who had multiple piercings just when the new Jane Austen films would be released on DVD. Today I checked out a movie that looked “okay” from the McDonalds kiosk.

My point? Our society has become one of so much self-service that we can go all day without actually talking to a human being. For writers who work at home–and usually communicate through e-mail–we can grow lonely without realizing how it’s happening.

Take Action Now!

It’s more important than ever that you make sure your social needs get met. Join a critique group that meets weekly. Go to your writer events at Barnes and Noble and Borders. Join library book club discussions. Talk to writer friends in person or on Skype–not just email. Hear human voices! (It’s not that I live alone because I don’t. But my husband requires deep conversation about as much as any husband I’ve ever heard of.)

While writers DO need hours of solitude in which to work, too much can be detrimental to our emotional health. Take stock of your own social life. Get out there and live a little. It will be fun–and it will give you more to write about.

June 22, 2009

How do you make good use of the notes and information gleaned at a writer’s workshop or conference?

A woman in my weekly critique group spent last week in Honesdale at one of the Highlights Foundation Founders Workshops on novel writing. The rest of our group was “pea-green with envy,” as Scarlett O’Hara said. From the enthusiastic email we received from her, she learned as much as she’d hoped and came home greatly encouraged. This Thursday at our critique meeting, we are setting aside an hour or more for her to share with all of us what she learned last week.

The book Networking at Writer’s Conferences: From Contacts to Contracts (Spratt and Spratt) has a section about what to do after the conference is over. In a chapter called “Where Do You Go from Here?”, the authors talk about returning from the world of the conference to your world of day jobs and the outside world clamoring for your attention. Before you get caught up in it again, how can you retain what you learned from your conference? I hope our friend’s mini-presentation at group on Thursday will do just that.

“Before you file them away [the conference notes]  for the future, review them (and your postconference evaluation) for new ideas, new information, and new possibilities gleaned from your conference…If your notes contain any gems dropped by conference speakers, post the most encouraging statements in your office or writing area where you will see them often–preferably every time you sit down to write.”

Share the Value

When our writing friend gives her talk to us on Thursday, I think it will help all of us. It will certainly be a treat for those of us who couldn’t attend the workshop to learn some “members only” insider tips and insights and techniques for writing deeper. I think the sharing process will also help my friend “cement” her revision ideas and talk through her critique suggestions.

I will also make sure she posts those very encouraging comments from the workshop leaders on her writing wall beside her computer. She will need the reminders as she delves into her four-week revision process.

 

Conferences are expensive and time-consuming to attend. So be sure you are well prepared beforehand, work hard during the conference, and take the necessary time to follow up when you get home. Sharing your new-found insights with other writers is one (generous) way to do this!

What thing(s) do YOU do when you get home from a conference or workshop so that you retain what you learned? Share some ideas!

May 20, 2009

How many voices try to tell you what to write, when to write, and how to write? What voices do you listen to?

This morning I was reading a section of stories called “Obedient to One Voice” in the book Behind the Stories by Diane Eble. One author (Patricia Sprinkle) talked about her dream to write mystery fiction, but that for six years she wrote anything but fiction. She took any assignment that offered to help pay the bills. “And it was a struggle in every way, including financially. But then when I started writing fiction, things began to work out. Again and again, when I choose to do what I truly believe I need to be doing instead of listening to what all the voices around me are saying, God is incredibly faithful in confirming that this is what I need to be doing.”

Various Voices

Sometimes we lose sight of the joy in our work–we can even experience a dreadful writer’s block–if we listen to the wrong voices. It’s true that we can all learn from others, and we need to be able to take constructive criticism. BUT the voice deciding the course of your career, your subject matter, and how you present it should be your voice.

Sometimes we allow voices of parents and other family members to dictate what we should write or judge whether our stories are “good enough.” Extremely few relatives are qualified to judge your writing. Parents may be trying to live their dreams through you; siblings may be jealous. Whether you’re fifteen or fifty, you may still be allowing family members to make your writing choices for you.

Sometimes we allow suggestions from our critique group to change our manuscripts, even when their ideas don’t ring true at all for us. Or we knuckle under to the more experienced (or outspoken) writer in the group, writing humor (because he loves humor) and giving up our historical mystery idea (because historical anything is too hard to sell.) It can be difficult to go against the group opinion, but think carefully before you toss your idea overboard.

Sometimes, like Jane Austen, we’re told by publishers and editors (in magazines, at conferences) that certain themes are popular now and make the most money. Our desires (our themes and subject matter) now sound old-fashioned or boring. Will we scrap our passion for science-fiction set in Italy to write gothic romance in the moors then? Not if you want to enjoy your writing.

Is there a voice you can trust? Yes, I believe there is. Go back to when the writing bug first bit you. What did you like to write? What subjects intrigued you? What was your writing process like? How did you like to write–barefoot in pajamas, longhand in bed, on a laptop at the library? If you were following your inner voice, you probably experienced a level of excitement about your writing that stands out in your memory.

The Voice of Your Choice

“If you find yourself blocked and uncertain as to what to do, could it be that the voices of other people are drowning out the voice of the Lord?” Patricia asks. “Is God asking you to take  a step of faith in a direction others may not understand? The choice is yours. There’s a safety on one side but on the other, freedom and joy beckon.”

March 2, 2009

Rejection is no fun for anyone, but it’s even harder when we don’t know why we got rejected. It doesn’t matter if it’s your boyfriend who dumps you in high school or the agent (or editor) who rejects your manuscript with no reason.

We want reasons! We want to know why so we can “fix” the problem. (Or we want to argue them out of their decision.)

From the Horse’s Mouth.

I read several articles lately by an agent (Rachelle Gardner) on why agents and editors don’t tell you why your manuscript, query, or proposal is being rejected. The blog posts are good food for thought. I think you’ll find the information helpful, both in understanding the form rejection and seeing what NOT to do if you get a personal rejection with an explanation.

Here’s the view from the other side of the desk:

• “Why It’s Hard to Tell the Whole Truth”
• “Frustrated with Your Rejections?”
• “Rejection Without a Reason”

I think Rachelle’s advice about finding a critique group or partner, or a paid critique editor, is an excellent idea. I’ve found both very valuable–and I get honest feedback that way.

Where do YOU find honest feedback for stories and queries?

February 13, 2009

Yesterday my critique group met for its weekly meeting. While we do include food and fun, it doesn’t take us long to get down to business. Manuscripts come out, the timer is set, and we’re off.

My critique group grew out of a Jane Yolen workshop fifteen months ago. Our weekly critique group has proved remarkably helpful to me in my desire to write more. I’ve tried critique groups before, and they’ve always fizzled out. This time, however, the group is made up of four serious writers. At the meetings we each read a chapter to critique, and the meetings last between three and four hours. It has been very helpful for a couple reasons.

a) Accountability: We are each expected to take our critique time seriously and show up each week with work to critique. Knowing this–and knowing that the other three women will be there with their chapters–has kept me writing on three projects this year. I’m making steady progress, and the critique group’s advice has been invaluable. Each writer raises different questions and makes different suggestions for change and improvement.

b) Time invested: All of us are busy, and to give up one whole afternoon per week to critique forces us to work hard during the week on our projects. None of us wants to show up with less than our best work. It would be wasting our time–and everyone else’s.

I think one key to a successful group is finding other writers equally committed to working and improving and growing. If you’d like to find such a group, “Writer’s Critique Groups: where to find them” on Harold Underdown’s Purple Crayon site gives valuable advice. A good place for children’s writers to find partners for manuscript exchanges is SCBWI (the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators).

If you want to join or form such a group, but you’re not sure how to critique, see the five articles on the process of critiquing at Writing-World.com

Yesterday morning, I wrote almost four hours in order to have my chapter ready for critiquing in the afternoon. Would I have worked that hard yesterday otherwise? No. So if you’re having trouble setting personal deadlines and keeping to a writing schedule, consider joining a critique group–or forming one of your own. It will help you write more–and you’ll have fun doing it!

October 15, 2008

September 24, 2008

I’m down to revising the final chapter of a novel, and what a different feeling than when I started this last revision. I’d had it critiqued by several people, and the number of suggestions looked daunting. I wasn’t sure I could make the changes. For two days, I sat and stared at the screen, ate a lot of chocolate, scrolled through the chapters trying to decide where to start–and then stopped for the day.

Then I remembered to take things one step at a time, like I always tell students and workshop participants. Little by little, it isn’t so scary. And don’t try to re-invent the wheel. Get help! For example, a whole single-spaced page of suggestions was for the opening chapter (which had been revised four times already). For help I turned to a terrific book on my shelf, Hooked: write fiction that grabs readers at page one and never lets them go by Les Edgerton. I also reviewed a couple chapters from Self-Editing for Fiction Writers: How to Edit Yourself into Print by Renni Browne and Dave King. As I tackled each suggestion, one at a time, I read articles or chapters on a particular problem or issue. The list suddenly became do-able. Bit by bit, suggestion by suggestion, change by change, I’ve watched the novel grow stronger and more believable.

What do you do when you’re stuck in a revision? What helps get you moving again? I’d love to try your ideas for myself!

September 8, 2008

I took a break today from doing final revisions on a novel and picked up a little writing book called Some Writers Deserve to Starve! (31 Brutal Truths About the Publishing Industry) by Elaura Niles. I don’t find the chapters very brutal–just honest. And I agree with nearly all of them. If you’ve been writing any length of time at all, chapters like “Putting Words on a Page Does Not Obligate Anyone to Read Them,” “All Publishers Are Not Created Equal,” and “Writing Conferences Cost Bucks” will resonate with you! Frankly, I expect there is a great deal of truth in all 31 of Ms. Niles’ chapters, but I have been spared a lot of it. And it got me to thinking…

I am finishing up a novel right now that is the first book I’ve written “on spec” (without a contract) in more than a decade. (It’s been heavenly, but that’s another story.) I’ve taken time to read chapters each week to my wonderful critique group, and each of the four women gives me a different type of feedback. We all catch different problems in each other’s writing. After several revisions, I sent the manuscript to a writer friend in Australia. We trade critiques from time to time, and her thoughtful responses in the detailed critique have been very helpful in many areas: strengthening the ending, picking up loose plot threads I had inadvertently dropped, telling me which chapters dragged, etc. So…what does all this have to do with the brutal truths of the publishing industry? Just this.

Two of the author’s brutal truth chapters are “Writers Rarely Help Other Writers” and “Not All Critique Groups Are Critique Groups.” Because I’ve seen what she described over the years, I believe she is right much of the time. But it also reminded me how wonderfully blessed I am to have writer friends who DO help each other, who ARE thrilled with a friend’s success, and who DO meet weekly to critique and share market news.

So today’s post is dedicated to my fabulous critique group and overseas critique partner. What would I do without you?

June 25, 2008

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