March 12, 2010

If you answered the list of questions Wednesday about “Where’s My Time Go?”, you may see now that other people’s expectations have taken over your writing time. It’s a common occurrence.

Once you’ve completed your commitments, you need a way to avoid becoming trapped again.

Time-Saving Policies

After you’ve spotted some of your weakest areas, develop policies to cover future requests. For some reason, stating that you have a “policy” about certain things carries more weight with people. Target the areas where you have the most trouble setting boundaries. Some “company policies” might include:

*I have a policy about home business parties. I don’t attend them, and I don’t give them.
*I have a policy that includes no drop-in baby-sitting. I need a minimum of 48 hours notice.
*My policy states that I don’t commit to any event more than (X) months away. (Fill in your personal limit.)
*I choose to help with one party each year at my child’s school. That’s my class contribution, so what party would you like me to help with?
*My policy states that I charge $5 for each ten minutes that parents are late picking up their kids from my day care.

Under-Promise

Sometimes our commitments get out of hand because we want to do such an excellent job everywhere. So learn to under-promise, and later you can over-deliver if you have extra time.

For example, instead of volunteering to help at school the entire day, say you can come and read for one hour. If it turns out that you have extra time when the day rolls around, you can use the time to write or you can “over-deliver” on your promise and stay two hours. You’ll earn a reputation as someone who delivers even more than promised—and yet you’ll have saved time for yourself.

Time Credit Cards

Some of us (I’m guilty!) promise to do things months and months in advance when our calendars are still pristine white. Then six months later, when the event rolls around, our calendars are more jammed than we had anticipated; we regret that we ever agreed to that event or favor.

Too often we commit future time that we believe we’ll have, only to be caught up short later (like a credit card junkie who charges now and is just sure he’ll have the cash to pay it off later.)

Stop charging your time ahead! Cut up your time credit cards. Pay off whatever “time debt” you’ve accumulated at this point, but don’t charge anymore.

If people want you to commit to some volunteer thing more than a month away, simply say, “I don’t commit to things so far ahead. If you want to call me back in (X) months, I will be able to give you an answer then.” At that point, you’ll have a realistic idea of what your month’s schedule looks like.

If you are pressed for an answer (”I need to know now!”), then regretfully tell people that the answer will have to be “no.” (Given that choice, people will wait.)

E-mail and Web Surfing

Limit your Internet time to two periods per day, before and after your work day. Keep it short. Answer crucial e-mail, but skip all the forwarded jokes and poignant stories till later. Unsubscribe from all but the best two or three e-newsletters you receive. Delete the junk without reading it and then close down. According to current workplace statistics, conquering e-mail/surfing addiction can save you a full two or three hours per day.

Assignment: Where is your time going? Do you know? Keep track for a few weeks and be sure. Then begin to implement whatever policies you need in order to safeguard your time.

Write your company policies down and review them daily. As you use these policies, they will become second nature. Just remember that nature abhors a vacuum. Be ready to fill your new-found time with activities that can further your writing career.

January 29, 2010

If you’re a plumber hired to unclog my drain, but I catch you sitting and looking out the window, I can, in all fairness, say you’re not working. If you’re my cleaning lady, but I catch you rocking in a chair staring into space, I can say justly that you’re not working.

What about writers? Not so easy to tell!

Thinking vs. Writing

According to Wallace Stevens, “It is not always easy to tell the difference between thinking and looking out the window.” It’s also not always easy to tell the difference between thinking and going for a walk, between thinking and washing dishes, between thinking and daydreaming, and between thinking and grazing in the fridge.

Why is this true? Lots of thinking precedes writing. For fiction writers, thinking about characters, getting to know them, listening to their voices-all this happens in the head while “thinking.” Plot twists and turns give birth while “thinking”-and woe unto the writer who skips thinking and writes the first thing that comes into her head.

Although all this pre-thinking is critical, that isn’t all the thinking you’ll have to do. Even while working on revisions, you’ll find yourself thinking and staring out the window, thinking and walking, thinking and grazing. You understand that “I’m thinking” means ”so please don’t interrupt.” Chances are, your family won’t. Instead they will walk into the room where you’re “thinking-writing” and say, “Oh good, you’re not doing anything. Can you hold the ladder for me?”

Thinking in Disguise

That’s why I prefer to do my thinking in private if I can. Otherwise it just seems to invite interruptions, often at a critical moment when I’ve just about figured out my theme or where the climax scene needs to go.

If I’m home alone, that’s no problem. If it’s in the evening, though, or on a weekend, I weed flowers or fold a load of laundry or wash dishes when I need to think something through. (Nobody bothers you when doing chores-they might get roped into helping.)

Reap the Rewards

Contrary to the life of a plumber or housekeeper, a lot of the writer’s real work happens when she’s looking out the window. Sometimes my clearest thoughts, my best insights for how to fix things, come when I’m not thinking about the piece of writing at all.

Give yourself enough of this “mindless” time, and you’ll be amazed what bubbles up to your conscious mind. Despite the heckling you may receive, during this thinking time you’re a writer at work. And the pay-off will be huge.

August 26, 2009

In my book Writer’s First Aid, I talk a lot about dealing with interruptions and distractions because I began writing when I had a newborn (ten days old), a todder (two) and a preschooler. If I couldn’t write through interruptions, I couldn’t write at all most days.

People protest all the time that they can’t write with continual interruptions, and I never had much of a response beyond “just do it!” I knew it was possible if they’d really try it. Then recently I heard about someone who’d led a workshop dealing with this very thing–and she taught the participants a valuable lesson.

Start! Stop! Start Again!

The speaker was ostensibly talking about “carving out time to write.” She suddenly stopped and said, “You may choose to write on your current project or a new one, but decide on something, even if it is just an account of your day. Pick up your pencil and paper and write when I say go.”

She timed the group of writers for three minutes and said, “Put your pencils down” and continued her talk for several minutes. She then repeated the interruption and her instructions. They wrote for three more minutes. The speaker interrupted her talk four different times during the hour and had them write.

At the end of her workshop the participants compared notes. They had all written at least one page, many had more, despite being interrupted four times in only twelve minutes of actual writing! Each time they’d been able go back and pick up a thought and continue. The speaker ended with, ”You can revise bad writing, but you cannot revise a blank page. Give yourself permission to write junk, then fix it.”

Change Your Mind

I know this sounds awfully simple, but I encourage you to change your mind about being able to write despite interruptions. So few of us live on a deserted island. Most writers–probably 90% or more–have to deal with distractions and interruptions.

If you need to prove to yourself that you can get back to your writing after an interruption, try that workshop experiment. Either try it alone or with your writing group. See what happens.

It just may turn out that you’ve been believing a lie all this time. Writing may not be as enjoyable when you’re interrupted, but it can be done.

March 23, 2009

Keeping with our theme of combining writing with raising children (Combine Babies and Bylines, Writing and School-Age Kids), let’s talk about writing during the teen years–and the skills it will entail.

The main challenge at this time is keeping (and constantly regaining) your sanity! Even normally active teens can leave a parent hyper, worried, deaf, and frustrated: not a state conducive to your best writing. Teens in ongoing trouble can just about finish you off. I discovered Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way during a few years of having one teen in a serious situation. I think that book was instrumental in saving my career.

Surviving and Thriving with Teens

Over the years, I discovered some helpful tips for writing with teens in the house…

*Use ear plugs.  Soft foam ones, like miniature marshmallows. Ear plugs block out stereos, giggling girls, phones ringing, and TV.

*Adjust your schedule–because the kids won’t/can’t adjust theirs. On weekends I waited up to ensure each child got home safely from part-time jobs and dates. I used to doze by the TV and then was too tired to write in the morning, which I resented. So, despite the difficulty making the switch, I started writing from ten to midnight on weekends. Then I would sleep late the next morning without guilt.

*Teenagers’ roughest times (drug problems, pregnancies, school problems) can come close to derailing an author’s ability to write. These problems last for months–or years–and can be a source of major writer’s block. If this is your situation, throughout the day try some free-flowing ten-minute writing exercises to unblock, writing about whatever you’re feeling. Just keep writing–anything. Keep the words flowing during these high-stress times so your ability to write is intact when the crisis finally passes.

Some of those ten-minute segments may later provide you with story/article ideas for teens or parents. Perhaps, with teens underfoot, you’ll write a nonfiction book for parents like my favorite self-help title: Get Out of My Life But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? Is there any doubt that this author merged raising kids with his writing?

March 20, 2009

Yesterday we talked about how to Combine Babies and Bylines. There are challenges galore when writing with newborns and babies in the house. At that stage, we usually daydream of that magical day when the kids will be in school and we’ll have all those uninterrupted hours to write.

Yes, it is easier to write when kids are older, but not necessarily easy. You still need ways to be there for your family while making time for quality writing.

Wearing So Many Hats

Life is hectic at this time, with chauffeuring kids to baseball and ballet. You may also work full- or part-time. More demands are made on your evenings and weekends. At this stage, the key is to be flexible and disciplined.

*Write wherever/whenever you can. I finished an entire novel by writing in the orthodontist’s waiting room, bleachers during basketball practice, and the doctor’s office while my daughter got her weekly allergy shots.

*If you work outside the home, write on the bus if you commute. Use a voice activated tape recorder if you have to drive. Write during your lunch hour. One time I worked as a receptionist in a dental office to make ends meet. I took my laptop to work with me and wrote during my lunch hour–and got a surprising amount written. And there’s always pen and paper.

*Go to the library to write some evenings or weekends. Grab a few hours of peace and quiet there. (I still do that-to make myself stay off email and work!) If you can concentrate in a book store or coffee shop, take your writing there for a couple hours.

*If your days are free while your kids are in school, limit TV, volunteering, and lunches out. You must CHOOSE writing and choose it first whenever possible, before other activities. When helping at your kids’ schools, volunteer for ONE activity at the beginning of the school year (e.g. help with the Christmas party) instead of becoming room mother or some job that takes many hours per month. (Remember: more than one school-age child multiplies the requests for volunteering.)

*When working at home, use an answering machine and voice mail. Kids learn to remember their own homework and lunches if you’re no longer available to run forgotten items to school.

Turn Experiences into Manuscripts

Much of my early publishing success came directly from parenting school-age kids. I wrote articles like “Telephone Safety” for Jack & Jill. I also wrote novels like The Haunting of Cabin 13 (children’s choice award winner) after camping with my school-age kids in Backbone State Park in Iowa.

Parenting school-age children doesn’t have to mean choosing between your family and your writing. Try combining them instead. This age group provides you with rich material. Make flexibility your watch word, and you’ll be able to juggle both.

My children helped me be a better writer–and writing daily helped me be a better (happier) mom!

March 18, 2009

After posting Hats Off to Mom Writers last week, I heard from a number of moms via email and Twitter, asking for tips. I began to think back…

I started writing when I had an infant, a two-year-old, and a preschooler. I wrote throughout their school years, their teen years, their college/adult years, and now full circle when I am babysitting grandkids.

The (survival) skills you need to both write and parent change with each stage of your children’s lives. (Sometimes your biggest need is time or energy. Other times your biggest need is keeping your sanity!) So over the next few days, I thought I’d blog about practical ways to combine writing and parenting throughout these stages. Just as beneficial, I hope I can show you some ways that your kids can be your best source of material. (Let’s start at the very beginning…)

Writing with Infants & Small Children

When raising babies and small children, FINDING TIME to write is the toughest ask. Try these ideas:

*Jot down story and article ideas when you’re forced to sit- waiting rooms, nursing the baby, etc.

*Prewrite.  Think through your plot lines, article openings, and titles while doing non-think activities like cooking supper and vacuuming. You don’t have time to waste at the keyboard. You may only have ten minutes.

*0utline. When you sit down to write, you’ll know exactly where you are; you won’t waste time getting started.

*Keep writing supplies organized, in one spot, out of little ones’ reach. (For years I wrote in a small closet painted orange with a door on it for this reason.)

*Hire a sitter or barter with a friend to trade babysitting. I never did this, but I know others have. Use these uninterrupted blocks of time for serious writing. Save those other miscellaneous writing chores for those tiny segments of free time.

Turn Childhood Experiences into Writing

One such experience of mine with small children became an article for Farm Woman (later called Country Woman) entitled “Treasure This Day,” which was reprinted in Catholic Digest. It was a simple article about the joys and frustrations of gardening with a baby, a toddler and preschooler in tow.

Another book, For Every Joy That Passes, has a mother in it who runs a daycare in her home; many of my baby and toddler experiences went in there.

My published stories, articles and books based almost directly on my kids would take pages to list. Just be aware that your children–especially when you write for the juvenile market–are one of your best research sources.

(If you have a tip for busy moms of very young children, I hope you will share it below. Don’t assume that it’s too simple, or everyone already does it. Let’s pool our ideas!)

March 13, 2009

Mom writers are a special breed, and my hat goes off to you. I started writing when my children were babies and toddlers, but I haven’t been in that life stage for a long time. This week my grandkids (ages 3 and 6) have been staying with us during spring break while their parents travel. It brought back quickly the challenges of combining children and writing–both finding time and finding energy.

It also reminded me of the real blessing it is to have children around on a daily basis when you write for children. As Katherine Paterson once said: “As I look back on what I have written, I can see that the very persons who have taken away my time are those who have given me something to say.”

Hands-On Research

I’ve been writing a middle-grade novel that includes a kindergarten boy, but until this week, the character was pretty flat to me. I couldn’t seem to get the dialogue quite right or the humorous actions I wanted.

After this week, though, the problem is a thing of the past. I have a small notebook of ideas gleaned from watching the kids all week–at the park, playing dress-up, investigating birds and bugs, and turning cardboard boxes into boats and sleds.

Help for Mamas

Mixing babies and bylines can be a real challenge though. Years ago, I relied heavily on a book that is now out of print. However, last week a friend recommended a book for writer/moms that sounds wonderful called Writer Mama: How to Raise a Writing Career Alongside Your Kids by Christina Katz. It has thirty five-star reviews on Amazon, so I’m guessing it’s just what the doctor ordered if you’re balancing kids and writing career.

How about the blogs and websites especially for moms who write? There are a good number of them now. Which ones do you find especially helpful? In the comments, leave the name and URLs of your favorites. Thanks!

February 23, 2009

“A bad habit never disappears miraculously; it’s an undo-it-yourself project.”~~Abigail Van Buren

We all have some self-defeating behaviors, and sometimes these behaviors can cause our writing dreams to be grounded. Through my years of writing, I certainly developed some bad habits that are counter-productive to my writing. I’m still working to break a few, but most of them are a thing of the past. We all have those habits, but no matter how or why we acquired them, breaking them is an undo-it-yourself project.

Reasons or Excuses?

Quite often I hear a list of reasons why a writer isn’t writing much–or doesn’t plan to get serious about her writing until a future time. (You know, that fantasy we all harbor somewhere deep inside about endless uninterrupted hours of quiet, someone else fixing the meals, and words flowing like water.)

There will always be reasons not to write–college classes keep you too busy, babies keep you awake, day jobs take your time, teen-agers take your energy, or elderly parents require attention. There will always be reasons to feel depressed about writing: rejections, lack of family support, or poor economic predictions.

It can be good to analyze why you’re not writing. Obviously, if you can’t pinpoint the problem, you will have trouble fixing it. While it’s good to know the reasons, though, don’t let them become an excuse to stay in your miserable non-writing rut.

Plow Past the Problem

Find a way to get past it. Talk to friends. Learn more about your craft. Set goals and deadlines. I pray first, but I don’t stop there. I also take action. (Like yesterday–I finally realized that my restless ants-in-the-pants feeling in my office was nothing more serious than the fact that I had piles of books and magazines everywhere. I don’t create well in chaos, but I’d run out of room. Solution? A new book case and instant organization. The restless block magically disappeared.)

Last month I blogged about Margie Lawson’s online course called “Defeating Self-Defeating Behaviors.” I was dragging and had been for nearly a year, thinking my writing life was about over. The only self-defeating habits I uncovered were severe sleep debt/deprivation, a need for more stretching-type exercise, and a need to give up chocolate and sugar. I kept careful records, promising myself at the end of thirty days that I would go back to the chocolate. I just needed to know if it was contributing to my lethargy and headaches. (Oh, how I secretly hoped it wasn’t so!!!) Well, it was…

I had a bad habit of eating sweets for rewards and pick-me-ups and times I needed soothing. I stayed up too late reading (while eating chocolate), and I always thought stretching exercises (like gentle yoga) were a waste of time. Wrong on all counts! Each one was a big factor in the daily headaches, which I’ve almost licked!

No More Excuses

Breaking those three bad habits became my “undo-it-yourself” projects. Was it fun? No–especially going without chocolate. But I sure don’t miss it like I thought I would. The habits (dare I say excuses?) that interfere with your writing dreams probably aren’t the same as mine, but I can guarantee you one thing. Breaking those habits is going to ultimately be your own “undo-it-yourself” project.

It’s your life. It’s your writing life. No one will create the writing life of your dreams for you. It will require effort of your own–and lots of it. So what are you going to do with your bad writing habits?

My advice is a paraphrased Nike slogan: Just Undo It!

February 20, 2009

“Don’t teach or preach–just tell a good story. Readers want to be entertained–not taught.” I’ve heard that statement many times over the years, at writing conferences and in articles for writers. I have mixed feelings about this.

I don’t like (or read) preachy fiction, but good fiction with a message doesn’t have to preach, does it? I’ll go even further. I don’t believe you can write fiction without teaching something. Children will learn from your fiction. What are kids learning from your stories?

Caught or Taught?

Fiction is like parenting, where more is caught than taught. If you had parents who said, “Never lie” and even punished you for lying–yet cheated on income tax and instructed people to tell callers they weren’t at home–you learned to lie. You learned by watching. How many of us catch ourselves saying things or reacting in harmful ways (harmful to ourselves or others) because we had a parent who demonstrated this quality? (It’s often something we swore we would never do!)

In the same way, I contend that children learn from fiction. I think writers for children need to think about this. I’m not advocating preachy stories where an old wiser soul tells little Johnny or Susie how to behave or what to think or say. I can’t stand stories like that. But I disagree with those who say you should just write to entertain. Why? Because you may not intend to teach anything, but kids will learn from your books and stories.

By Osmosis

Books change lives. As a child, books become part of you like no other reading ever will. And I think all fiction teaches something.

The theme of your book may hint at what you’re teaching, what young readers may “catch” from your story. It may be to “look before you leap” or that “love can overcome hardship” or “laugh and the world laughs with you” or “trials can make you bitter or better.”

Unfortunately (again, in my opinion) some heroes/heroines in children’s books teach things like “it’s cute to mouth off to parents” or “win arguments with sarcastic put-downs.” Authors don’t come out and teach this, but (as with parenting), more is caught than taught. If you’ve done your job as a writer, your characters seem like flesh-and-blood people to kids. Your readers will “catch” things from them whether you set out to teach them anything or not.

Think back to books that impacted you as a child. What did you learn from fiction? Some favorites still on my shelves include:

• Little Women by Louisa May Alcott: I learned how families pulled together in hard times, how to grieve, how Jo’s temper cost her dearly, but also how her imagination and writing gave her such joy.
• The Secret Language by Ursula Nordstrom: I learned how to make friends and a fun way to deal with loneliness.
• Sensible Kate and Blue Willow by Doris Gates: I learned that being sensible or kind can be much more important than being pretty.

What books from your childhood made an impression on you? Why? What did you learn from them?

February 6, 2009

What conditions do you need in order to write? Are you an introvert who thrives on silence and solitude, and your muse goes into hiding when people and noise invade your space? Or are you someone who prefers to write in a three-ring circus? You write in the family room, amidst video games and kids arguing, or in airport waiting rooms with TVs blaring and people yelling on cell phones.

What’s Your Ideal Writing Environment?

Some writers can’t write when it gets too quiet and they feel isolated from the family fun. Other writers freeze up if anyone else is even in the house, much less the same room. Some moms write while soothing fussy babies, stopping every half hour because they are potty training a toddler too. (Those were my early writing days.)

My ideal writing environment is what I have most days now. My kids are grown, so there are no babies crying, no teens on cell phones, no stereos blasting. I no longer live beneath horribly noisy apartment neighbors. We are on a quiet street, and our house borders the greenbelt area. I sometimes wonder if I’ve totally lost the ability to write in less-than-ideal environments.

I have several friends who write in coffee shops, and that has always been my secret ideal image of a writer. But I hate coffee, and I can’t write with noise and commotion (and a glass case of desserts) to distract me.

Can You Create Your Ideal Spot?

Suppose you’re a young mom who has trouble writing with noise and commotion. What can you do to bring elements of peace into your writing place? I recall getting all the babies/toddlers down for naps at the same time in order to have the quiet solitude I needed. I used play times with the kids (or times cooking or folding diapers) to pre-think my plot and characters.

During the teen years, I invested in some A-1 ear plugs and a white noise machine for my office. I used them again a few years ago when I lived in a very noisy apartment complex. If noise bothers you, do what you can to eliminate or muffle much of it. It’s a shame to use half your writing energy just trying to blot out racket.

• What is your IDEAL writing environment?
• What is your REAL writing environment?
• What do you do to bring the REAL closer to your IDEAL?

Let’s share tips and strategies in the comments. Sometimes the simplest things can make the biggest difference!

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