July 30, 2010

Over the weekend, I hope you’ll have time to check out some very helpful and thought-provoking blogs I read this week.

Kick back, relax, and enjoy these gems!

Gems of Wisdom

**Agent Wendy Lawton wrote a series called “Career Killers.” Full of wise advice! One post is on speed writing. Other “career killers” included impatience, playing “around the edges,” sloppiness, and skipping the apprenticeship. If you avoid these mistakes in your career, you’ll be miles ahead of the average writer.

**Are you trying to combine babies with bylines? Try “Writing Between Diapers: Tips for Writer Moms” for some practical tips.

**Is your writing journey out of whack because you have unrealistic expections? See literary agent Rachelle Gardner’s post “Managing Expections.”

**Critique groups are great, but you–the writer–must be your own best–and toughest–editor. See Victoria Strauss on “The Importance of Self-Editing.”

**We’re told to set goals and be specific about what success means to us. Do you have trouble with that? You might find clarity with motivational speaker Craig Harper’s “Goals and Anti-Goals.”

**And finish with Joe Konrath’s pithy statements in “A Writer’s Serenity Prayer.” You may want to print them out and tape them to your computer!

Share a Gem!

What have you read lately–online or off–that you felt was particularly insightful or helpful or thought-provoking? I’d love to have you share a link of your own!

June 16, 2010

Last night we had our young grandkids overnight. Roasted hot dogs and marshmallows, hiked, and made lots of memories. I could have written after they went to bed, but I was too tired!

If you have a family–whether it’s preschoolers and toddlers like I had when I started writing, or grandkids like I have now–it’s something you have to consider when trying to write more. It’s a balancing act, especially if your family comes first in your heart, as mine does.

It’s no good putting the writing before your family and then living in guilt. The guilt will short circuit your writing and create a solid writer’s block. So, how can you make more time to write without short-changing your family? It’s a juggling act!

Tight Rope Balancing Act

In the second Glimmer Train Guide to Writing Fiction (2007), the volume called Inspiration and Discipline, an interesting point was made. A mother/writer was asked about balancing family and writing.

In part, she made this observation: “It’s very hard. There’s no way of glossing it over. It’s very, very difficult. At this point, my children are grown, but still they’re–of course–more important than my work. And that’s how it is… I sometimes think back through history: Were there any great women writers with children? I’ve been unable to find any. Of course, the way history is written, we don’t know…but those whom we know didn’t have children and families.”

I had never thought about that, but my favorite female writers (Jane Austen, Louisa May Alcott, and others) were single women without children.

Can You Be Both Mom and Writer?

What do you think is the reason behind that fact? Is it merely the time needed to raise a family, preventing you giving enough time to the writing? Or is it that both writing and raising children take the same kind of dedication, love, focus, and sheer energy? Can babies and bylines mix? Or if you try to do both, do both suffer?

I don’t personally think either has to suffer, although there are only 24 hours in anyone’s day. You probably can’t be as prolific while raising five kids! You may write five great books instead of ten, but they can still be awesome, award-winning books.

What do you think? I welcome your insights too. In your experience, have you been able to combine writing with having children? Do you have a secret you could share with other (struggling) moms?

If so, please leave a comment!

April 30, 2010

My daughter’s expecting her first baby, and it’s fun watching her during this “nesting” season. Today it struck me how much her preparations for a new life are like those plans made by writers who want to write for a lifetime.

Time to Make Changes

My daughter’s changes have included preparing the baby’s room and getting the proper baby equipment. She is also handing over a ministry at church that she runs (and loves), but feels she can’t devote enough time to after the baby is born. And she can stop working if she chooses to; she said they’d been budgeting for this eventuality for years. (Bless her husband.)

All this nesting has been a dual venture. Her husband is involved, from going to doctors’ appointments and setting up the nursery to being a careful financial planner. They’re on the same team.

Writing Season Preparation

If you want to be successful at your writing and even turn it into a career, you’ll need to make similar changes. The easiest one is setting up a writing space (whether it’s a spare room or just a corner of the bedroom) and acquiring the proper equipment (computer, printer, Internet access).

You may have to give up some volunteer activities for a while, or cut back (or cut out) certain hobbies. For a while, maybe you can’t plant huge gardens or run marathons or belong to three book clubs. Your may also hope to quit your day job. If that’s the case, you’ll need to do like my son-in-law and have a strict budget (probably for years) to prepare for the income cut.

Lastly, involve your family. Writers’ lives always run smoother when the immediate family members are on the same team. Find ways to involve everyone so they don’t feel neglected.

It’s Temporary

My daughter’s nesting season won’t last forever. One day when she’s an old hand at the skills she’ll acquire to balance home and baby, she will (slowly, I hope) begin to add some “extras” back into her life. Maybe not everything, but some things she misses the most.

Likewise, the things you give up so you have time to devote to your writing is for a season. Once you have the writing skills well in hand, you will be able to slowly add back into your life a few of the things you miss most. But give sufficient time to your “writing season” first. You’ll be glad you did!

March 19, 2010

Getting into the writing habit is difficult, especially in the early years of writing. Our lives are full to overflowing already, so where can we possibly fit in some writing? How can we form a consistent writing habit when our schedules change from day to day, depending on our obligations?

Believe it or not, you have more time to write than you think. Keep a time log, tracking how you spend your time for a few days or a week. If you do, you’ll spot “down” time that you use for other things which could be snagged for your writing.

Redirect Your Time

When my kids were very young, I desperately wanted to write. I realized that instead of catching up on laundry and chores during their afternoon naps, I could write. Instead of making beds and doing dishes during the morning half hour of “Mr. Rogers,” I could write. Instead of thumbing through ragged magazines for twenty minutes every Friday afternoon while my daughter got her allergy shots, I could write.

Bed making and dishes and laundry could be done while little ones milled around. I chose to write instead when they didn’t need me. That “nap-Mr. Rogers-allergy shot” schedule became my writing routine until my youngest went to kindergarten. By that time, Atheneum had published my first five middle grade novels.

Hidden Time

“But I really don’t have any free time!” you might truly think. I challenge you to study your schedule very closely. Everyone has pockets of “down” time during the day. It may vary from day to day, but usually it is consistent weekly. (For example, you may sit in the pick-up line at your daughter’s elementary school every afternoon for fifteen minutes. Instead of listening to the radio, write.)

You might free up some time by doubling up on your mindless activities. Most of us multi-tasked before the word became popular, but if you’re not, try it. While supper is cooking, don’t watch the news; pay those bills or wrap those birthday gifts, and free up a half hour in the evening to write. If you want to write YA novels, listen to those young adult books on tape while you walk your dog. You’ll be doing your “market research” for an hour, freeing up an hour later to write.

Get It in Writing

Write down whatever pockets of time that you discover can be used for your writing. Even if it’s only fifteen-minute chunks, note them. You can write an amazing amount in ten or fifteen minutes at a time-and it adds up. You may find these chunks in the “between times.” You might have a bit of time between when the kids get on the school bus and you have to leave for work. Or between your day job and supper, you may have half an hour that you wait on a child at ball practice. (I wrote a lot sitting in bleachers waiting for children at practice.)

Write all these pockets of time down on a weekly schedule and write it on your daily calendar. Make it a habit. Perhaps on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, you write half an hour before work, plus daily you write fifteen minutes before cooking supper, and Saturday morning you write an hour while the kids watch cartoons. That’s four hours of writing in a week, just in the free bits and pieces. Since many of us started writing while caring for small children and/or holding down a day job, this kind of weekly schedule may be the best you can do for a while.

And that’s fine!

Time-Honored Tradition

The highest percentage of today’s famous, best-selling authors admit that their writing schedules were exactly like this in the early years. But they had that “burning desire to write” too. And that desire is what motivates us to find those pockets of time, give them to our writing, schedule it daily, and follow through.

You can find time to write, whether it’s early morning, during your noon hour, late at night, during commutes, or in catch-as-catch-can bits throughout the day. You must integrate writing into your existing routine for it to work.

Schedules make writing a habit, which in turn makes it a permanent part of your lifestyle.

March 12, 2010

If you answered the list of questions Wednesday about “Where’s My Time Go?”, you may see now that other people’s expectations have taken over your writing time. It’s a common occurrence.

Once you’ve completed your commitments, you need a way to avoid becoming trapped again.

Time-Saving Policies

After you’ve spotted some of your weakest areas, develop policies to cover future requests. For some reason, stating that you have a “policy” about certain things carries more weight with people. Target the areas where you have the most trouble setting boundaries. Some “company policies” might include:

*I have a policy about home business parties. I don’t attend them, and I don’t give them.
*I have a policy that includes no drop-in baby-sitting. I need a minimum of 48 hours notice.
*My policy states that I don’t commit to any event more than (X) months away. (Fill in your personal limit.)
*I choose to help with one party each year at my child’s school. That’s my class contribution, so what party would you like me to help with?
*My policy states that I charge $5 for each ten minutes that parents are late picking up their kids from my day care.

Under-Promise

Sometimes our commitments get out of hand because we want to do such an excellent job everywhere. So learn to under-promise, and later you can over-deliver if you have extra time.

For example, instead of volunteering to help at school the entire day, say you can come and read for one hour. If it turns out that you have extra time when the day rolls around, you can use the time to write or you can “over-deliver” on your promise and stay two hours. You’ll earn a reputation as someone who delivers even more than promised—and yet you’ll have saved time for yourself.

Time Credit Cards

Some of us (I’m guilty!) promise to do things months and months in advance when our calendars are still pristine white. Then six months later, when the event rolls around, our calendars are more jammed than we had anticipated; we regret that we ever agreed to that event or favor.

Too often we commit future time that we believe we’ll have, only to be caught up short later (like a credit card junkie who charges now and is just sure he’ll have the cash to pay it off later.)

Stop charging your time ahead! Cut up your time credit cards. Pay off whatever “time debt” you’ve accumulated at this point, but don’t charge anymore.

If people want you to commit to some volunteer thing more than a month away, simply say, “I don’t commit to things so far ahead. If you want to call me back in (X) months, I will be able to give you an answer then.” At that point, you’ll have a realistic idea of what your month’s schedule looks like.

If you are pressed for an answer (”I need to know now!”), then regretfully tell people that the answer will have to be “no.” (Given that choice, people will wait.)

E-mail and Web Surfing

Limit your Internet time to two periods per day, before and after your work day. Keep it short. Answer crucial e-mail, but skip all the forwarded jokes and poignant stories till later. Unsubscribe from all but the best two or three e-newsletters you receive. Delete the junk without reading it and then close down. According to current workplace statistics, conquering e-mail/surfing addiction can save you a full two or three hours per day.

Assignment: Where is your time going? Do you know? Keep track for a few weeks and be sure. Then begin to implement whatever policies you need in order to safeguard your time.

Write your company policies down and review them daily. As you use these policies, they will become second nature. Just remember that nature abhors a vacuum. Be ready to fill your new-found time with activities that can further your writing career.

January 29, 2010

If you’re a plumber hired to unclog my drain, but I catch you sitting and looking out the window, I can, in all fairness, say you’re not working. If you’re my cleaning lady, but I catch you rocking in a chair staring into space, I can say justly that you’re not working.

What about writers? Not so easy to tell!

Thinking vs. Writing

According to Wallace Stevens, “It is not always easy to tell the difference between thinking and looking out the window.” It’s also not always easy to tell the difference between thinking and going for a walk, between thinking and washing dishes, between thinking and daydreaming, and between thinking and grazing in the fridge.

Why is this true? Lots of thinking precedes writing. For fiction writers, thinking about characters, getting to know them, listening to their voices-all this happens in the head while “thinking.” Plot twists and turns give birth while “thinking”-and woe unto the writer who skips thinking and writes the first thing that comes into her head.

Although all this pre-thinking is critical, that isn’t all the thinking you’ll have to do. Even while working on revisions, you’ll find yourself thinking and staring out the window, thinking and walking, thinking and grazing. You understand that “I’m thinking” means ”so please don’t interrupt.” Chances are, your family won’t. Instead they will walk into the room where you’re “thinking-writing” and say, “Oh good, you’re not doing anything. Can you hold the ladder for me?”

Thinking in Disguise

That’s why I prefer to do my thinking in private if I can. Otherwise it just seems to invite interruptions, often at a critical moment when I’ve just about figured out my theme or where the climax scene needs to go.

If I’m home alone, that’s no problem. If it’s in the evening, though, or on a weekend, I weed flowers or fold a load of laundry or wash dishes when I need to think something through. (Nobody bothers you when doing chores-they might get roped into helping.)

Reap the Rewards

Contrary to the life of a plumber or housekeeper, a lot of the writer’s real work happens when she’s looking out the window. Sometimes my clearest thoughts, my best insights for how to fix things, come when I’m not thinking about the piece of writing at all.

Give yourself enough of this “mindless” time, and you’ll be amazed what bubbles up to your conscious mind. Despite the heckling you may receive, during this thinking time you’re a writer at work. And the pay-off will be huge.

August 26, 2009

In my book Writer’s First Aid, I talk a lot about dealing with interruptions and distractions because I began writing when I had a newborn (ten days old), a todder (two) and a preschooler. If I couldn’t write through interruptions, I couldn’t write at all most days.

People protest all the time that they can’t write with continual interruptions, and I never had much of a response beyond “just do it!” I knew it was possible if they’d really try it. Then recently I heard about someone who’d led a workshop dealing with this very thing–and she taught the participants a valuable lesson.

Start! Stop! Start Again!

The speaker was ostensibly talking about “carving out time to write.” She suddenly stopped and said, “You may choose to write on your current project or a new one, but decide on something, even if it is just an account of your day. Pick up your pencil and paper and write when I say go.”

She timed the group of writers for three minutes and said, “Put your pencils down” and continued her talk for several minutes. She then repeated the interruption and her instructions. They wrote for three more minutes. The speaker interrupted her talk four different times during the hour and had them write.

At the end of her workshop the participants compared notes. They had all written at least one page, many had more, despite being interrupted four times in only twelve minutes of actual writing! Each time they’d been able go back and pick up a thought and continue. The speaker ended with, ”You can revise bad writing, but you cannot revise a blank page. Give yourself permission to write junk, then fix it.”

Change Your Mind

I know this sounds awfully simple, but I encourage you to change your mind about being able to write despite interruptions. So few of us live on a deserted island. Most writers–probably 90% or more–have to deal with distractions and interruptions.

If you need to prove to yourself that you can get back to your writing after an interruption, try that workshop experiment. Either try it alone or with your writing group. See what happens.

It just may turn out that you’ve been believing a lie all this time. Writing may not be as enjoyable when you’re interrupted, but it can be done.

March 23, 2009

Keeping with our theme of combining writing with raising children (Combine Babies and Bylines, Writing and School-Age Kids), let’s talk about writing during the teen years–and the skills it will entail.

The main challenge at this time is keeping (and constantly regaining) your sanity! Even normally active teens can leave a parent hyper, worried, deaf, and frustrated: not a state conducive to your best writing. Teens in ongoing trouble can just about finish you off. I discovered Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way during a few years of having one teen in a serious situation. I think that book was instrumental in saving my career.

Surviving and Thriving with Teens

Over the years, I discovered some helpful tips for writing with teens in the house…

*Use ear plugs.  Soft foam ones, like miniature marshmallows. Ear plugs block out stereos, giggling girls, phones ringing, and TV.

*Adjust your schedule–because the kids won’t/can’t adjust theirs. On weekends I waited up to ensure each child got home safely from part-time jobs and dates. I used to doze by the TV and then was too tired to write in the morning, which I resented. So, despite the difficulty making the switch, I started writing from ten to midnight on weekends. Then I would sleep late the next morning without guilt.

*Teenagers’ roughest times (drug problems, pregnancies, school problems) can come close to derailing an author’s ability to write. These problems last for months–or years–and can be a source of major writer’s block. If this is your situation, throughout the day try some free-flowing ten-minute writing exercises to unblock, writing about whatever you’re feeling. Just keep writing–anything. Keep the words flowing during these high-stress times so your ability to write is intact when the crisis finally passes.

Some of those ten-minute segments may later provide you with story/article ideas for teens or parents. Perhaps, with teens underfoot, you’ll write a nonfiction book for parents like my favorite self-help title: Get Out of My Life But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? Is there any doubt that this author merged raising kids with his writing?

March 20, 2009

Yesterday we talked about how to Combine Babies and Bylines. There are challenges galore when writing with newborns and babies in the house. At that stage, we usually daydream of that magical day when the kids will be in school and we’ll have all those uninterrupted hours to write.

Yes, it is easier to write when kids are older, but not necessarily easy. You still need ways to be there for your family while making time for quality writing.

Wearing So Many Hats

Life is hectic at this time, with chauffeuring kids to baseball and ballet. You may also work full- or part-time. More demands are made on your evenings and weekends. At this stage, the key is to be flexible and disciplined.

*Write wherever/whenever you can. I finished an entire novel by writing in the orthodontist’s waiting room, bleachers during basketball practice, and the doctor’s office while my daughter got her weekly allergy shots.

*If you work outside the home, write on the bus if you commute. Use a voice activated tape recorder if you have to drive. Write during your lunch hour. One time I worked as a receptionist in a dental office to make ends meet. I took my laptop to work with me and wrote during my lunch hour–and got a surprising amount written. And there’s always pen and paper.

*Go to the library to write some evenings or weekends. Grab a few hours of peace and quiet there. (I still do that-to make myself stay off email and work!) If you can concentrate in a book store or coffee shop, take your writing there for a couple hours.

*If your days are free while your kids are in school, limit TV, volunteering, and lunches out. You must CHOOSE writing and choose it first whenever possible, before other activities. When helping at your kids’ schools, volunteer for ONE activity at the beginning of the school year (e.g. help with the Christmas party) instead of becoming room mother or some job that takes many hours per month. (Remember: more than one school-age child multiplies the requests for volunteering.)

*When working at home, use an answering machine and voice mail. Kids learn to remember their own homework and lunches if you’re no longer available to run forgotten items to school.

Turn Experiences into Manuscripts

Much of my early publishing success came directly from parenting school-age kids. I wrote articles like “Telephone Safety” for Jack & Jill. I also wrote novels like The Haunting of Cabin 13 (children’s choice award winner) after camping with my school-age kids in Backbone State Park in Iowa.

Parenting school-age children doesn’t have to mean choosing between your family and your writing. Try combining them instead. This age group provides you with rich material. Make flexibility your watch word, and you’ll be able to juggle both.

My children helped me be a better writer–and writing daily helped me be a better (happier) mom!

March 18, 2009

After posting Hats Off to Mom Writers last week, I heard from a number of moms via email and Twitter, asking for tips. I began to think back…

I started writing when I had an infant, a two-year-old, and a preschooler. I wrote throughout their school years, their teen years, their college/adult years, and now full circle when I am babysitting grandkids.

The (survival) skills you need to both write and parent change with each stage of your children’s lives. (Sometimes your biggest need is time or energy. Other times your biggest need is keeping your sanity!) So over the next few days, I thought I’d blog about practical ways to combine writing and parenting throughout these stages. Just as beneficial, I hope I can show you some ways that your kids can be your best source of material. (Let’s start at the very beginning…)

Writing with Infants & Small Children

When raising babies and small children, FINDING TIME to write is the toughest ask. Try these ideas:

*Jot down story and article ideas when you’re forced to sit- waiting rooms, nursing the baby, etc.

*Prewrite.  Think through your plot lines, article openings, and titles while doing non-think activities like cooking supper and vacuuming. You don’t have time to waste at the keyboard. You may only have ten minutes.

*0utline. When you sit down to write, you’ll know exactly where you are; you won’t waste time getting started.

*Keep writing supplies organized, in one spot, out of little ones’ reach. (For years I wrote in a small closet painted orange with a door on it for this reason.)

*Hire a sitter or barter with a friend to trade babysitting. I never did this, but I know others have. Use these uninterrupted blocks of time for serious writing. Save those other miscellaneous writing chores for those tiny segments of free time.

Turn Childhood Experiences into Writing

One such experience of mine with small children became an article for Farm Woman (later called Country Woman) entitled “Treasure This Day,” which was reprinted in Catholic Digest. It was a simple article about the joys and frustrations of gardening with a baby, a toddler and preschooler in tow.

Another book, For Every Joy That Passes, has a mother in it who runs a daycare in her home; many of my baby and toddler experiences went in there.

My published stories, articles and books based almost directly on my kids would take pages to list. Just be aware that your children–especially when you write for the juvenile market–are one of your best research sources.

(If you have a tip for busy moms of very young children, I hope you will share it below. Don’t assume that it’s too simple, or everyone already does it. Let’s pool our ideas!)

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