October 28, 2009

I finally had one night off last night after three weeks of meetings, leading two support groups, and attending some necessary functions for a group where I’m Treasurer. People every night! I was wiped out, and yet (very oddly) feeling quite lonely. I couldn’t put my finger on “why.”

Then I read my own blog from two years ago, and the light went on. I’m going to post it again below  because if I needed reminding, you may too. [Hint: being busy and around people constantly may not be fulfilling your social and writerly needs at all.]

A Case of the Lonelies

Having been sick with hacking coughs and flu this week, I didn’t get out or see family as much as usual. So I developed a real case of the lonelies and decided to run some errands that had piled up. I’d get out of my office, smile at a few people, exchange some pleasantries, and I’d feel better.

At least, that’s how it used to work.

This time I went to five or six places, was super efficient, and came home just as lonely before. Why? What had changed? I think it started years ago when we went from gas station attendants to self-service stations. My day of errands went like this:

• Last year, when I mailed a package or bought stamps, I chatted with the lady at the post office window who also had a child in the military who was deployed. Today I mailed a package and bought my stamps at a machine in the lobby.
• Last year, I chatted with the librarian when I checked out my books, and she recommended several new titles on the shelf. Today I checked out at a kiosk.
• Last year I talked to the bank teller about what bug was eating our flowers and how to treat it. Today I got my cash from the ATM machine.
• Last year I talked to the grocery store check-out lady about her arthritis and how hard it was for her to stand all day. Today I took my few items through the self-service check-out.
• Last year the lady at Wal-Mart recommended a better kind of cough drop than the one I was about the buy–her son also suffered from allergies and knew about those things. Today I probably bought another ineffective brand of cough drop because I went through the self-checker aisle.
• Last year I took too long in line at the video store, discussing with a young clerk who had multiple piercings just when the new Jane Austen films would be released on DVD. Today I checked out a movie that looked “okay” from the McDonalds kiosk.

My point? Our society has become one of so much self-service that we can go all day without actually talking to a human being. For writers who work at home–and usually communicate through e-mail–we can grow lonely without realizing how it’s happening.

Take Action Now!

It’s more important than ever that you make sure your social needs get met. Join a critique group that meets weekly. Go to your writer events at Barnes and Noble and Borders. Join library book club discussions. Talk to writer friends in person or on Skype–not just email. Hear human voices! (It’s not that I live alone because I don’t. But my husband requires deep conversation about as much as any husband I’ve ever heard of.)

While writers DO need hours of solitude in which to work, too much can be detrimental to our emotional health. Take stock of your own social life. Get out there and live a little. It will be fun–and it will give you more to write about.

October 27, 2008

I love book clubs. If I had all the time in the world, I’d belong to several hosted in our public libraries: the general book club, the mystery book club, the women’s book club…

I’ve started several times, but then had to drop out because (1) I couldn’t keep up with the books on the list because I had other books and magazines I needed to read first, or (2) the books chosen either didn’t interest me or I actively disliked them. Life is too short to spend it reading boring or repulsive books.

Still, I love the book club atmosphere. For a writer, it’s stimulating to be in a room full of people who love books as much as you do. It’s fun to hear the differing opinions. A book I love might be detested by someone else, and vice versa. It is a good lesson for writers that you can’t please everyone with your writing, and that if one reader (editor) doesn’t like it, you have a good chance that the next one will.

This will sound like a digression at this point, but it’s not. Bear with me…it ties up in the end…

For nearly thirty years—since I was a beginning writer—I’ve known that I needed to keep up with what is being published in my genre (juvenile fiction, specifically middle grade). I have always had a terrible time doing it. When I was a brand new writer, I found it demoralizing to read the popular middle grade fiction of the day. I knew I could never measure up.

When I first started getting my books published, I just didn’t have time to read. My children were still small, I was doing so many school talks and workshops, and there was simply no extra time to read what others were publishing. I barely had time to read what I was publishing myself.

And now, when my kids are grown, there’s time to read what my peers are writing. But am I doing it? Rarely, although I want to and need to. By the time I’ve written or edited my work for the day, perhaps done a critique for someone else or written my blog entry, I want to collapse with an adult book in the evening. I want soothing Jane Austen or a gripping adult mystery.

But (and I digress back now) I do love book clubs. So…why not a marriage of the two desires?

That’s what my weekly critique group is going to start soon: a book club where we meet to discuss current children’s books being published. We’re only going to meet once a month, and we’ll probably discuss more than one children’s book each time. It will be both pleasure and work. We love talking about books we’ve enjoyed, and it will help us all keep current on what’s being published.

We’re in the process of drawing up reading lists now. Plus I’m studying a book on how to actually read “like a writer.” There’s a skill to analyzing and dissecting how an author accomplishes telling his story. But more about that Wednesday…