August 25, 2010

Because pessimism measures (in part) your ability to keep going and not quit in the face of unpleasant or disappointing circumstances, I didn’t expect the book Learned Optimism to have much to say to me.

My whole life has been about not quitting in the face of severe physical problems, depressing family life issues, and major publishing downturns. It’s been about taking responsibility, learning from things, and moving on.

“I’m no quitter” is as much a part of me as my hair color (under the Preference by L’Oreal) and my brown eyes. Yes, I sometimes took on too much. Yes, my health wasn’t always the best. But I always pressed on even if things looked hopeless.

That should earn me a high score on the book’s lengthy optimism test, right?

Um…no.

This Can’t Be Right!

I was shocked. I called my best friend who had read the book and asked what her score was. She got a 9–meaning very high optimism. I’m not surprised. She’s a great encourager.

I got a 0. (Oh, I got +14 on some good stuff, but a -14 on the bad stuff, effectively cancelling out the positives.) The test and research are based on what author Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D. calls your “explanatory style.” It’s how you perceive the reasons behind the good things and bad things that happen to you-and your assumptions about the future.

It’s BIG

According to Seligman, “It matters a great deal if your explanatory style is pessimistic. If you scored poorly, there are four areas where you will encounter (and probably already have encountered) trouble.”

He mentioned that you’ll (1) get depressed more easily, (2) achieve less at your career than your talent warrants [listen, writers!], (3) have poorer physical health and an immune system not as good as it should be, and (4) life won’t be as pleasurable as it should be.

The author assures me that there are many ways to change your thinking in all these areas of your life. Evidently my “explanatory style” needs a major revamping. I’m looking forward to the rest of the book. It’s very research-heavy in the first half, so I may skip to the chapters on “how to fix it.”

Expect to hear more about this in future weeks! In this time of publishing upheaval and downturns, might you benefit from some “learned optimism” yourself?

August 20, 2010

If a friend from your critique group told you ”I just can’t get started on my story today,” what would you say? “Get moving, you lazy do-nothing wannabe!” I hope not!

If your writing friend bemoans receiving another rejection, do you say, “Well, what did you expect? Your novel stinks!”?

I would hope not. Most of us are better friends than that…except to ourselves.

Your Own Best Friend

Listen to how you talk to yourself. When you procrastinate, do you beat yourself up? Do you call yourself names? And to paraphrase Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for you?” Does it spur you on to do your best writing–or to give up and eat a pint of ice cream?

When you receive a rejection, do you downgrade your writing? Do you tell yourself that publishing is just a pipe dream, that it’s for others but not for you?

Do you say things to yourself that you would NEVER say to a writer friend?

Time to STOP!

Learn to tell yourself the truth–but with kindness. Be a mirror that reflects back understanding. If you got off course, gently encourage yourself back on the writing path you want to travel.

Not:

• You’re so lazy that you’ll never get anything written and published.
• No editor or agent will ever read your novel, much less publish it!
• You only have friends on Facebook because they don’t really know you.

Say this instead:

• You may have trouble getting started because you’re afraid of something. Try journaling to get to the bottom of it.
• You may (or may not) find an editor who loves your novel–but you’ll never know if you don’t keep sending it out. Let’s try one more time.
• Many people in your real life know you and love you. Make a list. Be thankful for each person on the list.

Be That Good Friend

The next time you stall or hit a rough spot in your work, talk to yourself like a true friend would. Be kind, be understanding, give some praise, and encourage yourself to try again.

You can be your own best friend.

February 10, 2010

According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has about 12,000 thoughts per day, or 4.4 million thoughts per year.

I wager that writers are well above the average because we read more and writing causes us to think more than the average.

Who’s In Charge?

I had known for a long time that our thoughts affect our emotions, and that toxic “stinking thinking” could derail our writing dreams and health faster than almost anything. You are the only one who can decide whether to reject or accept a thought, which thoughts to dwell on, and which thoughts will become actions.

But sometimes–a lot of the time–I felt powerless to actually do anything about it on a consistent basis. Sometimes I simply felt unfocused and overwhelmed.

Need a Brain Detox?

I’ve been reading a “scientific brain studies” book for non-science types like me called Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr. Caroline Leaf Ph.D. which has fascinated me. With scientific studies to back it up, it shows that thoughts are measurable and actually occupy mental “real estate.” Thoughts are active; they grow and change, influencing every decision we make and physical reaction we have.

“Every time you have a thought, it is actively changing your brain and your body–for better or for worse.” The author talks about the “Dirty Dozen”–which can be as harmful as poison in our minds and our bodies.

Killing Our Creativity

Among this dozen deadly areas of toxic thinking are toxic emotions, toxic words, toxic seriousness, toxic health, and toxic schedules.

If you want to delve into the 350+ scientific references and pages of end notes in the back of the book, you can look up the studies. But basically it targets the twelve toxic areas of our lives that produce 80% of the physical, emotional and mental health issues today. And trust me. Those issues have a great deal to do with you achieving your goals and dreams.

There Is Hope!

According to Dr. Leaf, scientists no longer believe that the brain is hardwired from birth with a fixed destiny to wear out with age, a fate predetermined by our genes. Instead there is scientific proof now for what the Bible has always taught: you can renew your minds and heal. Your brain really can change!

Old brain patterns can be altered, and new patterns can be implemented. In the coming days, I’ll share some more about the author’s ”Brain Sweep” five-step strategy for detoxing your thoughts associated with the “dirty dozen.”

But right now I’m going to read about the symptoms of a toxic schedule. I have a suspicion…

December 23, 2009

When you get up on the wrong side of the bed, are you deep in a blue  funk before you realize what’s happened? Don’t you wish you could catch yourself at the top of that downward slide–and reverse it?

Help is Here!

I read a terrific blog post that gives you the tools to do exactly that. The article gives specific steps for thwarting that “negativity spiral” and it’s written by Carol Grannick, a writer and licensed clinical social worker in private practice. She works with writers and non-writers who want to create and maintain more resilient, meaningful lives.

The article itself is good, but get a cup of coffee or tea and settle back. In order to get the full impact of the article, you’ll want to follow the five or six embedded links to related articles. (I was surprised to find the last link actually came back to my own blog.)

Thing About What You’re Thinking About!

Noticing and stopping this spiral is going to be one of my New Year’s Resolutions. Catching ourselves at the top of the negativity spiral should certainly be easier than digging ourselves out of pit we’ve fallen into.

I believe this is one of those places where an ounce of prevention truly IS worth a pound of cure!

May 13, 2009

For the next few months, I’m going to pursue a different kind of writing goal. I have never done this, so I have no idea if it will come to anything or not. For me, writing (and life) has always been serious business. I am, however, burned out on “serious.” I want writing to be FUN again.

Jumping the Tracks

For the next weeks and months, I’m going to ask myself at the end of the day just one question. It won’t be my usual “How many hours did I write today?” or “How many pages did I write today?” No. I’m going to ask myself, “Did I have FUN writing today?”

I’m tired of To Do lists, written goals to meet, and mile-long checklists. I’ve organized the fun out of the writing, and I want to find ways to recapture it. I’d love YOUR input too, so please leave comments. How do YOU make writing fun? (Or how about an even bigger challenge: how do you make marketing fun?)

The Sky’s the Limit!

I’ve been brainstorming ideas for making the writing fun again.

• write in short, fast spurts (and take breaks between bursts)
• be liberal with rewards for every twenty minutes I write
• write outside in the swing or by the pond
• listen to music while writing (like my favorite Joshua Bell CD)
• write first thing in the morning, no matter what else is on my plate that day

As you can see, my brainstorming didn’t go very far. I am sadly deficient in the fun department some days, but I’d like to get better! I remember, in the beginning before writing was my career, that it was just plain fun. I’d like to recapture that. I hope you’ll share YOUR rituals for keeping your writing fun.

The more fun we have, the more we’ll write. And the more we write, the better we get. And the better we get, the more fun we’ll have.

Now that is MY kind of vicious circle!

April 22, 2009

My grandson (3 1/2) has always been terrified of thunder. Last week he was with me during a rare downpour. No lightning, just rumbling thunder and a curtain of rain falling from the eaves. We sat on the back porch swing, Caleb with his head tucked under my arm and hands covering both ears.

I kept swinging, enjoying the rain. When there was a rumble, he’d cringe and yell, “Nana, thunder!” After the fourth rumble, I said, “I think that noise was a plane.” (We sometimes have Air Force cargo planes that fly over, sounding very much like thunder to me.) He opened one eye, looked up at the gray sky, and said he couldn’t see any plane. “They fly up in the clouds,” I said.

But Just Suppose…

I won’t bore you with the ninety minutes we sat there, discussing the probability of the noises being planes or thunder. But by lunchtime, he was sitting up on his side of the swing, hands in his lap, and discussing a cargo plane he remembered from an air show. Noise from the sky (either planes or thunder) had continued the entire time. I was amazed that you could teach a three-year-old to re-interpret events and thus regulate his emotions.

If you’re a writer, it’s a skill you’d better learn too.

We all interpret our emotions. As Beth Jacobs says in Writing for Emotional Balance, an emotion is first a physical response, the stimulation of a pathway of nerve cells in the brain. (e.g. a specific pathway has been identified for the feeling of anxiety, which activates certain physical responses) You interpret–you make decisions about–the physical symptoms and the stimulus that caused the anxious reaction.

In Caleb’s case, his fear that the thunder would hurt him was irrational. His was a false fear. (F.E.A.R. often stands for False Evidence Appearing Real.) After suggesting just one other plausible cause for the noise, he was able to calm down and eventually enjoy being outside watching it rain. (Of course, if there had been lightning, we’d have headed inside. I wasn’t asking him to deny reality.)

So many of a writer’s fears are just like my grandson’s terror of thunder. It’s False Evidence Appearing Real. We take “evidence” like a rejection, and we birth a host of fears: I’m afraid I’ll never be published, I’m afraid the economy is too weak for me to succeed, I’m afraid I’m wasting my time writing, I’m afraid I’m too young/old to write. Or we look at our past failures and conclude, I’ll never succeed at writing either. (I remember that one well. I had tried four or five work-at-home endeavors before taking the Institute’s writing course, and I could have let those failures persuade me I’d fail at writing too.)

Re-frame and Move On

Most often, our writing fears have no more substance than my grandson’s deathly fear of thunder. Fear makes a lot of noise, but it’s just noise. When we decide to interpret circumstances a different way–one that is just as plausible–the fear will eventually evaporate.

Got a rejection? It’s just as likely that the reason is the economy, or maybe the magazine already accepted a similar piece. You have a series of failed home businesses in your past? That’s no predictor of future success. It’s much like Edison’s response when someone asked him how it felt to fail to invent the light bulb 1000+ times . He claimed that none of those efforts were failures. He had been successful at finding 1000+ things that didn’t work. He always expected the next try might be the one to succeed. Eventually, it was.

When your negative writing circumstances could be interpreted in a more positive light, do that for yourself. You’ll get rid of irrational fear, you’ll free up your creativity again (which thrives on hope, not pessimism), and you’ll be prepared for a writing career that can last for decades. Re-framing fear is not an optional skill. It’s a must-have for your writing survival.

April 17, 2009

Last night I attended my grandson’s preschool Easter program. Yes, it was four days after Easter. Several incidents and illnesses had conspired to make the delay unavoidable.

However, the program was fun, the kids entertaining (especially my grandson!), and the delay made no difference. If anything, the program was better than ever because they’d had a few more days of practice.

Writing Delays

Sometimes our writing goals get postponed like that. Mine do–and more often than I like to admit. I set deadlines for myself–always have–but sometimes I don’t meet them. Often it’s my own fault, but frequently it’s due to events beyond my control.

Life simply happens to everyone–family issues, health issues, day job issues–and those events often cause delays in meeting our writing goals.

What’s Your Response?

My usual attitude toward myself for missing a deadline I’ve set is to beat myself up. As if berating myself (calling myself lazy and unfocused and a procrastinator and a people pleaser) fixes anything! What good does that do? None–and it does a lot of harm.

I decided last night that the next time I miss a deadline, I’m going to try to be like my grandson’s preschool teacher who was showcasing the Easter program four days after Easter. She didn’t beat herself up, blame anyone, or act like an apologetic failure. She was relaxed and happy and glad to see a great turn-out. The program was delightful. Next time I’m late with a goal, I’m going to make no apologies, relax, and enjoy life. If it’s important, it will get done eventually.

December 31, 2008

What’s preventing your success? Thoughts? Behavior? Low energy? Procrastination? Perfectionism? Overdoing? Counter-productivity? Negative self-talk? Disorganization? Time mismanagement? Unrealistic expectations? Defeat your self-defeating behaviors with this one-month mental boot-camp. (from Margie Lawson’s class on “Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors: Allow Writing Productivity and Creativity to Soar.”

Jumpstart 2009 with a Mental Boost

Last week, I mentioned that I would be studying Margie Lawson’s lecture packet on character emotions.  I also wanted to pass along information about a January on-line class she’s teaching that starts Friday, Jan. 2 and runs till Jan. 30.

Here’s the rundown on the class taken from her class description page. (You can register for her class at the bottom of that page.)

• Address the three fears that paralyze writers
• Analyze yourself: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats
• Challenge your internal dialogue
• Redirect resistance and manage your moods
• Duct-tape your Inner Critic
• Protect your priorities
• Practice Conscious Competence
• Apply Margie’s DUH Plan

On-line Class vs. Teaching Packet

You can register for the on-line class for $30 or buy the teaching packet/lectures on this topic for $20. (For lecture packets, go to Margie’s website and click on “lecture packets” on the left-hand side.) You can study the lecture packet at your own speed and any month of the year, while the “self-defeating behaviors” class is only taught in January. I asked Margie what a writer would gain for paying that extra $10–I’m always making sure there is plenty of bang for my buck!

Her email answer included this important information: “Writers taking my Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors (DSDB) course on-line can post their assignments, get feedback, get support, ask questions, get answers. Some class members are active on the class loop, others lurk and learn from what their classmates post. In DSDB, writers also work with a CHANGE COACH throughout the month-long on-line course.  Many of the Change Coach pairs continue working together after the course is over.  They keep those self-defeating dragons from making any sneak attacks. The camaraderie in the on-line class is amazing.  It’s a powerful bond. An amazing force.”

Slay the Dragons!

I can’t personally recommend the course because I haven’t taken it yet (although I plan to register today), but I’ve heard excellent comments about Margie’s other courses. I also know (from 25 years of teaching and from writing my Writer’s First Aid book) that these behaviors are what most often derail writers. As our lives change, the dragons change, but they’re always there, breathing fire down our necks.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to defeat mine–once and for all!

(If you also register for the class, let me know. It would be fun to share on the blog the things we’re learning.)

October 15, 2008

July 7, 2008

1. What is my belief about this particular issue?
2. Where did that belief come from?
3. Does it empower me or limit me?
4. Is it based in logic or emotion?
5. Do I need to change it?

Part 2 of his article describes the ten lessons he learned from changing his defeatist beliefs. See if they don’t resonate with you too. They did with me! I’m going to be giving a lot of thought to this idea in coming weeks–and how I can apply it to various areas of my life, including my writing career. What areas of your life would you like to see changed?

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2)