July 3, 2012

After receiving a couple of pieces of very unwelcome news early last week, it took me several days to regain my writing focus.

Most mornings were spent getting my mental, emotional and spiritual act together, which resulted in having to work till very late at night to meet some deadlines. I got the work done, but I didn’t enjoy any of it.

Today something else happened. This time I found myself very mad–at ME.

Time for a Change

None of the situations were my fault. I didn’t cause them, I couldn’t cure them, and I can’t control what certain people are still doing. So it really, really irritated me that I spent so many hours this past week thinking, reading, praying, and journaling about it.

I’ve always been this way, as far back as age four, the earliest I can remember. Obsessive thinking doesn’t help the other person, and it sure doesn’t help me. It robs us of hours and hours of productive, HAPPY times. And for writers, it steals our time to write, our relaxed ability to create, and the focus so necessary for our projects.

Enough is Enough! Focus!

Yesterday I read a quote that really got me to thinking. In The Little Book of Letting Go by Hugh Prather, it said: “We talk to children about the ‘power of the imagination.’ We attend seminars that tell us our minds have immense reserves of untapped capacity. All in all, we have done a superb job of kidding ourselves that in our roomy ‘attic’ all is useful, worth keeping, and in good repair. But if we observe our minds closely for just one hour, we see that instead of a boundless chamber of magic and wonder, our minds are more like stuffed and stodgy refrigerators that emit peculiar odors.”

It’s time to clean out my refrigerator. I’ve come to realize that all this obsessive thinking and worrying is a life-long bad habit. It’s not a mental illness that needs a pill. It’s not an emotional illness that needs counseling. It’s a bad habit–and habits can be broken.

Identify the Culprit First

I’ve broken lots of harmful habits in the past, and nearly every time it involved discovering the lie I was believing about something. We all have them. (The obese person may believe the lie that “gorging myself will bring comfort.” The procrastinator believes the lie that “I work better under pressure.” The rescuing mom believes the lie that her grown children shouldn’t/couldn’t be responsible for themselves.)

Time to dig into this stinky “mind” refrigerator and find the spoiled junk emitting the odors. Look out! Don’t stand behind me. There’s gonna be some bad stuff chucked outta here!

12 Comments »

1. 

   Wow, you must have been reading my mind! I have a bad habit of clinging to those things I can’t change (both past and present)and worrying about them. I wish you every success with your refrigerator cleanout, and I look forward to hearing more as you develop your new habits. Good luck!

   Comment by Heather Wright — July 3, 2012 @ 8:14 am

2. 

   Heather, thank you! We sound like kindred souls here. I do have a hard time knowing where to draw the line between being concerned and moving on to worrying…which leads to obsessing and major energy drain. I am working at catching myself earlier!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — July 3, 2012 @ 8:31 am

3. 

   Oh, Kristi, I’m sorry that you’ve had such a bad day and it sucked away precious time. But the good thing is that it forced you to realize something about yourself. Sometimes, that’s half the battle — recognizing the lie.

   I struggle greatly with procrastination … and I have to fight it constantly. Things that help me: reminding myself that discipline is freedom, that the day is filled with many little choices (I learned that from one of your blog posts), and right choices beget more right choices. There’s a positive feedback loop.

   Because I fail on a daily basis, I forgive myself, and jump back onto the track.

   Our lives have a different rhythm now with the children older and doing more activities, so I also need new habits.

   Comment by Vijaya — July 3, 2012 @ 9:00 am

4. 

   Vijaya, thanks for reminding me of my own words! So true! The next “choice point” always allows us to make a new and better choice. I tend to have black and white thinking. (You know, if I blew my diet with one cookie, I may as well eat the whole box!) But as you said, forgive yourself quickly and make a better choice next time!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — July 3, 2012 @ 9:16 am

5. 

   I think you’re being too hard on yourself, Kristi. You wouldn’t be who you are and the writer you are if you didn’t care about others. With that said,those mornings of prayer, journaling, and thinking led you to the place where you could say, “Enough of this.” I think obsessing is a bad habit and I speak from experience. But I also believe that the best way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a better one. Of course that’s just the rub. It isn’t easy to do that. Sometimes it isn’t even easy to figure out what kind of habit could replace the bad one. Life’s a struggle but then there are grandchildren to lighten the load. (One of my 5-year-old grandsons tried to take the communion goblet on Sunday and drink out of it. It made sense to him because he was used to seeing the little plastic cups.)This week is bound to be better for you especially since you are “chucking out the bad stuff.”

   Comment by Bonnie Hinman — July 3, 2012 @ 9:19 am

6. 

   Bonnie, what a kind woman you are. Thank you! Yes, figuring out what to replace the bad habit with takes some thought–but I think I’m onto a few things. You’re right about journaling and prayer finally leading to some valuable insights. And I LOVED your anecdote about your grandson. Precious! Yes, my grandkids also remind me to lighten up!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — July 3, 2012 @ 9:30 am

7. 

   This was a welcomed revelation…I’ve got a fridge just like yours, Kristi. Same thing happening this week to me, and I found myself waking to my ‘writing day’ kinda mad at the intrusions earlier in my week. Timely comments, thanks.

   Comment by Damon Dean — July 3, 2012 @ 9:45 am

8. 

   Damon, boundaries has always been a difficult issue for me. I am finding that I need emotional/mental boundaries as badly as I need to stake out boundaries around my writing times. I need to learn how to “care” and be concerned without obsessing. Too draining!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — July 3, 2012 @ 6:20 pm

9. 

   Thank you for sharing – I suffer from fruitless, obsessive worrying about all manner of things past, present and future, and am also seeking a way to rechannel that energy – it’s taking way too much of a toll on my physical and mental health. I wish you well and look forward to any further thoughts you share on this.

   Comment by Tina C — July 4, 2012 @ 10:30 pm

10. 

    Tina, that is the down side of being a writer. We are thinkers by nature, and we writers for children also tend to be caring, nurturing types. That can easily go overboard into obsessing, though. I am working on a short book for writers on this topic. We are not alone, that’s for sure!

    Comment by Kristi Holl — July 5, 2012 @ 10:02 am

11. 

    Joyce Meyer’s “Battlefield of the Mind” really helped (and is still helping) me! Thanks for such a great blog: I find it very encouraging!

    Comment by Eisen — July 7, 2012 @ 3:00 pm

12. 

    Eisen, you are sooo right! I taught that study for four years one time, and learned new things each time. The mind is DEFINITELY the battlefield! I mostly need reminders for what I already know.

    Comment by Kristi Holl — July 10, 2012 @ 1:04 pm

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