April 11, 2012

Last week I talked about motivation and commitment, and we discussed the differences and definitions. [Read “Motivation or Commitment? Only ONE is Necessary” first.]

 

Motivation can be fleeting, but real commitment is here to stay.

The WHY Behind Committment

Commitments come in different sizes. I am committed to big things (my marriage, children, and grandchildren) and I’m committed to smaller things (paying the bills on time, and brushing my teeth.)

Other things I do when I’m “motivated” (like spruce up the guest room when company is coming, or buy new shoes for some social event). But I don’t like to decorate or shop, so unless I’m motivated by something outside myself, I don’t do those two things. But I pay bills and babysit grandkids, no matter what else is going on in my life.

Commitments occur when something is truly gut level important to us. Some things I’ve always been committed to (e.g. my family and paying my bills). I would hate to be a bad mother or a deadbeat. Other things started off as “sometimes activities,” based on whether or not I felt motivated (e.g. cutting out junk food and eating vegetables); they only moved to the “committed” category when I encountered various health issues that demanded a change. It was amazing to me how my waffling attitude became committed overnight.

Reasons to Commit

What about our writing? As an ICL student and early writer, I was motivated! I loved the writing, being published, being paid, seeing bylines, you name it. I was excited by it all. During the single parenting years, the writing became a commitment. (Meeting deadlines was non-negotiable; it meant having food on the table.)

But the kids are all adults now, and my writing income isn’t required to keep a roof over our heads. I wonder if that’s why, in recent years, the writing commitment has slipped back into the “I need to feel motivated to write” category. Whatever the reason, I do NOT like it. I am determined to move my writing back to the committed side.

Some commitments come naturally to me (like with God, my family, and my country). Some commitments I make when I really want something (like giving up sugar and caffeine because I wanted my health back). I know that commitment is a choice. Is it just a matter of choosing to be committed? Is it the old Nike slogan, “Just do it!” [I sure hope not. I am sick of that route.]

Check Out the Obstacles

I think part of my problem is the shifting publishing scene. I love some of the new options, but some of it I really don’t. My old writing life, the one I was committed to for years, no longer exists. Publishing has changed that much, especially with all the marketing that has shifted to the writer’s shoulders, even if you’re published by a traditional publisher.

I think part of the problem has been re-defining what writing now means to me—and describing a writing life that I could truly commit to. What would it have to look like? What would the writing experience need to include (and exclude) for me to re-make a whole-hearted commitment to it? Each of us needs to answer that question for ourselves, and it will be different for each writer.

I DO know that I’m tired of the almost constant need to re-motivate myself. It takes a lot of time and writing energy. When I’m finally motivated to write some days, I’ve had a lot of fun. But I’ve used up my writing time. I’ve journaled (or done writing prompts and exercises) so long that there is little time left.

Of course, one sure-fire way of making yourself committed is to take on so many writing projects that the deadlines force you to write. Been there, done that—and I’m tired of writing with a gun to my head. There must be another way.

Steps to Committing

After doing a lot of reading and talking to some very committed writers, I discovered that they had at least four common traits. None of them required constant motivation to write. They were simply committed to it.

So…here are some steps that appear to be requirements if you want to make a commitment to your writing:

1. You must see your writing commitment as important. For some reason, we often find it easier to commit to things for other people. I think that’s why my middle years of writing were easier commitment-wise. I wasn’t just selfishly doing something I wanted to do. I was doing it to feed and clothe the kids. It moved the writing into a category of “things you do, whether you feel like it or not.” The same goes for health changes made in recent years. For some reason, I couldn’t see that taking personal time to get healthy (exercise, sleep enough, eat right) was that important—until I couldn’t keep up with my grandbabies. We’re so good at making commitments to others. It’s time to set necessary boundaries and make a commitment to yourself. You must see your writing as important, whether or not it directly benefits others at this time.

2. You must be careful about what you commit to. You will shoot yourself in the foot if you commit to the wrong things (or too much of the right things). I used to cringe when I received a new student whose goal was publishing his/her first novel with a traditional publisher within months. Equally difficult goals include output goals like writing 4,000 words every day. Few writers can keep that up day after day. You will find it easier to commit to goals like “I will write every day for a minimum of one hour” or “I will query five editors/agents each week until I get a request for my manuscript.” These goals are both more realistic and things under your own control. (And if you manage to do even more on any given day, you feel super successful!) You must choose your commitments carefully.

3. Committed people learn about what they want to do. They don’t just set goals or have wishes, then hope for the best. They take steps to learn all they can, and they apply that knowledge. They learn what they need to do to maximize their chances for success. Athletes learn how to build muscle and endurance, and what foods make the best fuel. Moms continually learn about child development, what makes a healthy diet for kids, and how to educate them. And committed writers are always learning about their craft and their markets, through books, classes, workshops and critique groups. You must outline your own personal learning program.

4. Committed people plan for success. “They plan to work, and they work the plan,” as the saying goes. Success doesn’t just happen, and committed people know this. They are very intentional about what they do. Athletes lay out work clothes the night before and plan nutritious menus. Moms continually incorporate learning activities into daily routines, always looking for those “teachable moments.” And (among other things) committed writers organize their desks and writing materials the night before, get off-line, and then get a decent night’s sleep so they can be alert in the morning. Another old saying is, “A fail to plan is planning to fail.” It’s that important. You must think ahead and design rituals that set you up for writing success.

In summary, committed writers who don’t rely on constant motivational “recharging” appear to follow these “rules”:

• You must see your writing as important, whether or not it directly benefits others at this time.
• You must choose your commitments carefully.
• You must outline your own personal learning program.
• You must think ahead and design rituals that set you up for writing success.

And then, after all this, committed writers “just do it!”

 

20 Comments »

1. 

   I HATE writing query letters, but because they’re so important, I made myself focus an entire month on them almost exclusively, and I’m better at them, I still don’t like the “Demon” I turn into because I get so self-critical of myself, because I know how much they matter, but I took the time to confront them, I’m proud of myself for that.

   But I don’t think all commitments are created equal. Like you, I don’t like “Putting a Gun to my head” to be productive. Sometimes, it’s unavoidable, but it’s no way to live EVERY DAY!

   I’ve often had to push through things I don’t like to get better at something, I really get that, but when you are just stalled, no matter how much you “push through the discomfort” as many advise, and all you’ve succeeded in is making you (Plus those around you) sad and miserable, what went wrong? I know you can’t answer that for me, Kristi, but do you at least know what I’m talking about? I imagine you’re FAR more able to push yourself further through discomfort than I often manage without frankly crying myself to sleep some days.

   For me, Commitment can feel like “Torture” when all your efforts to live up to commitments stall and crumble, whether it’s self-enforced, or from outside sources.

   Maybe part of the reason we find helping others less daunting than ourselves is because of that “Distance” we have, for the same reason writers can see each other’s mistakes easier than their own, even if you don’t have the “Ego” issues you often warn about.

   Comment by Taurean Watkins — April 11, 2012 @ 8:06 am

2. 

   Taurean, I wish I had all the answers you’re looking for. I don’t though. I don’t have all the answers that *I’m* looking for either. Yes, you’re right that it is far easier to give advice to others than push through and take it ourselves. I agree 100%!

   Until I got to the #4 on my list, I frankly wasn’t having a lot of success. Since I have started implementing specific planning behaviors, my work hours have increased dramatically. Since getting started is still most of the battle for me, that’s probably why. Those little things get me going more smoothly and without requiring much thought. I’m all for that!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — April 11, 2012 @ 8:29 am

3. 

   A great Part 2 follow-up. I’ve been thinking “There must be another way” for quite a while now. Thanks for some tips for finding where my writing life can go next.

   Comment by Heather Wright — April 11, 2012 @ 8:53 am

4. 

   Heather, thanks for your comment. You sound like me. I am ALWAYS thinking “there has to be another [better!] way than what I am doing here!”

   Comment by Kristi Holl — April 11, 2012 @ 11:31 am

5. 

   The first rule speaks to me loud and clear. In years past I have always written from assignments for the educational markets. The money I earned often went for something specific. I didn’t have to support myself with writing earnings because I also worked at a full time day job. The last assignment I received was over a year ago. I have done the same work to solicit assignments as I have always done successfully. I know I’m not alone as other educational writers have had the same results. It’s partly the market and maybe some bad luck. Now I have to face the fact that if I want to write, it can’t matter whether or not I gain direct benefits from my writing. I need to be committed to writing because it’s what I do, not because I gain immediate benefit. I’m working on that concept these days and thank you for putting it into words.

   Bonnie

   Comment by Bonnie Hinman — April 11, 2012 @ 11:31 am

6. 

   Bonnie, that was one of the big things I had to come to terms with too a couple years ago. I no longer wanted to take every work-for-hire project I didn’t enjoy, but what I wanted to do no longer was selling. The big question for a long time was, “Do I want to keep writing, even if I don’t sell?” Like so many other writers, it wasn’t a place where I expected to be, even temporarily. It really did clarify for me how much I loved writing though.

   Comment by Kristi Holl — April 11, 2012 @ 12:18 pm

7. 

   Kristi, just the fact that you understand what I’m talking about is often help enough, since most of the writers I know (Great critique partners as they are!) just think more analytically by nature than I do, I’m just more inherently in tune with the emotions of writing, as well as whatever I’m writing about, I have to W-O-R-K at the analytic stuff so much H-A-R-D-E-R to resolve issues with craft and promotion (Which for me, just means professional query letters and synopses that “impress, not stress”).

   Something I’m sure you understand. Right?

   Comment by Taurean Watkins — April 11, 2012 @ 1:04 pm

8. 

   Taurean, I most certainly *do* understand that!

   I’m more in tune with the emotional issues surrounding writing too…hence this blog and my two writing books and designing the ICL website in the first place back in 1998. I guess it’s just part of our personalities!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — April 11, 2012 @ 1:15 pm

9. 

   “I think part of my problem is the shifting publishing scene. I love some of the new options, but some of it I really don’t. My old writing life, the one I was committed to for years, no longer exists.”

   Yes, I really think this figures in! I have to ask myself, “Do I want to commit to writing and publishing as it is TODAY?” Because to do so is really re-making, and upping, the commitment we had before. It’s like our commitment couldn’t help but come up for renewal, and now the terms are new.

   And then, all kinds of things we thought we had settled come back into play, such as your point #1. I committed to my writing as important, even though I was pre-published, 30+ years ago. But now I find I’m careful about telling certain others that I still write, because that’s tantamount to saying much of my workday is spent not answering to others, so of course I might have time to sign onto THEIR projects…

   Comment by Marcia — April 11, 2012 @ 1:29 pm

10. 

    Marcia, this has been my biggest struggle, and to be honest, disappointment. It’s been like racing for the finish line for thirty years, only to have the finish line disappear and a different one appear a long ways away and up a very steep hill. I am probably being dramatic, and once I get over it (the drama queen stuff), I hopefully will embrace all these changes in a better frame of mind. Your question has been my exact question for a couple of years, once I saw that things were changing permanently. And it seemed that these changes were requiring a whole lot more energy and time at a period in my life where I was short on both–and getting shorter!

    I had to smile at you being careful who you told that you write and are therefore apparently “on call” for other projects of theirs. Isn’t that the truth????????????????????????????

    Comment by Kristi Holl — April 11, 2012 @ 7:26 pm

11. 

    Awesome read.

    Comment by Andrew — April 18, 2012 @ 12:32 am

12. 

    Very interesting to read your experiences, Kristi. I agree that the pressure to care for your family turns motivation into commitment! I find that paying work definitely trumps the works-of-my-heart right now because of the expenses of our young family, but honoring the call to write what matters tugs at me as well, so I do usually get busy. And I always feel so much better after doing my work.

    By the way, Julia Cameron talks about stealing time to write, like you would meet a lover, and that always works for me

    Comment by Vijaya — April 18, 2012 @ 11:35 am

13. 

    Vijaya, you are in that season of life as a writer that I was in for a couple of decades. Being able to hang on to those “works of the heart” at such a busy time is a real challenge. Yes, I recall Julia’s talk about that–whether you had a lover on the side or were fully committed.

    Comment by Kristi Holl — April 18, 2012 @ 12:48 pm

14. 

    I’m going to put this list on my bulletin board where I can look at it every day. Thanks, Kristi!

    Comment by Juli — April 19, 2012 @ 9:27 am

15. 

    Juli, you’re so welcome! I have the list on my computer screen post-it note so I don’t forget too!

    Comment by Kristi Holl — April 19, 2012 @ 3:49 pm

16. 

    Kristi,

    I thought long about parts one and two of this post and gave myself time to give an honest answer.

    As much as I get what you’re saying, and by no means saying it’s wrong, for me this is too strict.

    I am committed to what I’m doing. But being committed isn’t the same as getting better.

    Lately I feel like my success is dependent on things I’ve never been good at, I just push through them because I can’t avoid or skip them, so I’m left wondering if I’m just not cut out for this.

    I have to ask this, because I’m more confused than ever-

    Why do people stress “Having Fun” when the problems you face have nothing to do with fun?

    People always think “Fun” is the antidote to being stuck in a writer’s rut, but nothing about writing query letters, writing nonfiction that for me is harder than fiction, and seemingly endless revision fun.

    It’s just necessary.

    I don’t get why it’s so hard for me to endure.

    You say being committed means working through anything, no matter what pain you feel, be it emotional, physical, or mental, you do the same level of work.

    If that’s what commitment means, than I’m not committed. I may never be.

    So many parents have guilt-tripped me for not knowing true suffering and adversity because I don’t live their life. I’m not accusing you of that. It’s not a straightforward path for me.

    Mom writers go on and on about how much they can get done or rise above when they’ve got kids, other jobs, and even they’re own schooling to juggle.

    The guilt I feel always gets worse as Mother’s Day nears, and turning 25 the following Monday this year, does not help. I don’t say this in spite (Well, not anymore) but I’m simply jealous.

    Who wants to be this close to 30 and feel like such a deadbeat? Still living at home. Regardless of who says it, being my own best friend has its limits, and its impossible to be my own parent, since unlike my e-friends, my family is far more distant and unfeeling than I am, and I accept that it’s how they are, but that doesn’t mean it I have to like it.

    I’m thankful it’s not dangerous.

    But it’s still not easy to live with. If nothing else, I hope the parents who frequent this blog understand how lucky they are, and that what I’m saying is not meant to insult them.

    Our families may drive us all crazy, but at day’s end, ask yourself, “Would anyone in my family want to be with me given the choice?” If you can say yes, even it’s only ONE person, you are far better off than those who for sanity and various other reasons, cannot say the same, and sadly that’s the category I’m in.

    Comment by Taurean Watkins — May 9, 2012 @ 10:51 am

17. 

    No, Taurean, being committed isn’t the same as getting better. That’s true of writing, or playing piano, parenting, cooking, whatever. But it’s a pretty safe bet that we won’t get better unless we’re committed to practicing. And no, practicing quite often isn’t fun. If it were, we’d all be better at writing every day. I can have fun writing–blogging or journaling or whatever. That isn’t work to me. But studying to write better and practicing at it IS WORK. So I’m with you there–too much stress on having fun all the time.

    I’m not sure what it is about juggling children (or grandkids now) with the writing that helps me get more done, but it’s true. Maybe it’s realizing that I only have one hour, so I’d better make it good! I think I got more writing done when my kids were little and underfoot than I do now. And you’re absolutely right about a loving family being worth its weight in gold. Definitely a treasure. I always found my little girls to be great fun, but I had better behaved kids than many moms I now see. Some of today’s kids would drive me up the wall too.

    As with the other comment, I don’t have the answers for you. I wish I did. Only you can change your life.

    Comment by Kristi Holl — May 9, 2012 @ 4:31 pm

18. 

    Right now, I feel like there’s nothing I can change that makes a difference. All I can manage lately is staying on an even keel. But about what you said above-

    “Maybe it’s realizing that I only have one hour, so I’d better make it good!”

    Glad you find that motivating, that just adds to the pressure I already feel, because when I don’t make the most of my time, it’s my own fault.

    I don’t have children, and I’m not married, but I still feel weak here, and I know that because it shows in what little I’ve written so far this year.

    I don’t have your burdens to juggle, and yet I’m stuck in neutral at best, as much as you doubt yourself sometimes, on your worst day you’re still more productive and steadfast than I am, and I don’t live your burdens, so you shouldn’t feel as lost as me.This is really a compliment on your part, I haven’t even updated my blog in weeks, I had some serious problems holding me back, even the problems not directly tied to writing still affected my writing greatly in ways I could never have foreseen.

    It’s better today, but the sting of it hasn’t worn off yet, and the more I try to work through, the more self-critical I get toward my writing (Or LACK thereof…), and I don’t want to cry myself to sleep again tonight, so I don’t force it.

    Even though I get the work involved, I still miss the fun, and I don’t know how to keep working, without the notion of fun dying altogether.

    I know much of what holds me back is fear, but I miss the fun I used to have, but lately I can’t do much of anything without fear or envy in the way.

    Don’t you think there’s a way to keep working hard, but not banish all the fun, I know you don’t know what will help anymore than I do frankly, but do you still find fun in the process, or is all work for you, outside the blogging since you said you enjoy doing it, but you cut back blogging to write more non-blog stuff.

    Kristi, how do you personally avoid banishing fun for what can feel like a lifetime to work?

    Anyway, hope your Mother’s Day goes well, mine will be somber this year. My mother’s not physically dead, but emotionally she died years ago, and things between my grandmother, who was my stand-in parent are in shambles, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. She more or less told me that herself.

    Take Care,
    Taurean

    Comment by Taurean Watkins — May 11, 2012 @ 4:18 pm

19. 

    Taurean, I hope you won’t be offended by what I’m about to say. Yes, my circumstances are much different than yours, but I have been where you seem to be in terms of feeling hopeless on several levels. Over the years, I have been helped tremendously by seeing a good Christian counselor. Once it lasted for several years, and my church had to help pay for it because I was broke. There’s no shame in getting help anymore, thank heavens. I don’t know where I would be today without God and some wonderful counselors. I could not see my way out of the fog, and I had tried until I was physically and emotionally exhausted… At least consider it–and forgive me if I’ve overstepped my bounds here.

    Comment by Kristi Holl — May 16, 2012 @ 5:51 am

20. 

    I’m not at all offended. I’ve been in therapy before, but had to leave my first therapist because she specialized d in children and teens, after my early twenties I never found anyone else until recently, but due to misinformation I got on their end, my appointment’s being rescheduled.

    But even when I was in counseling it didn’t touch on some of the problems I’m having.

    I’m not ashamed of getting help. It’s physically getting to the help that’s more often the problem.

    Comment by Taurean Watkins — May 16, 2012 @ 5:54 pm

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