January 4, 2012

Thank you for the wonderful comments, both here and on Facebook, regarding my change in priorities and the decision to cut down from blogging three times per week to just once per week.

In addition to the “me, too!” comments, I received quite a bit of email asking both “why?” and “how did you know what to cut?”

Let me take the “why?” question first.

Re-Visioning Your Life

Like many of you, life had been lived in the fast lane for so long that I only dimly remembered any other life. Sometimes there’s no choice, as I well remember: combining working with raising children with running a home with doing volunteer work with being a mom/nana/sister/daughter/friend/mentor/teacher to various people.

I always got a lot of work done–my generation was raised on the Puritan work ethic. But there was no time to do things like walk, have lunch with a friend, or even read a good book, much less go to bed early to get enough rest. And I couldn’t “write in flow”because there simply wasn’t much relaxed writing time.

Also, like many of you, I wondered when the craziness was going to end. I’m afraid I didn’t seriously do anything about it until I hit a few potentially serious health problems. That will get your attention! I thought about it and made plans all year so that when I hit the big 6-0 last month, I would be ready. Quality of life, here I come!

Nuts and Bolts of Cutting Back

Something had to give–that was clear. Several somethings actually. I didn’t need one more time management idea. And we can’t “manage time” really. We can only manage ourselves. When life is this full, the only way to make more time is to cut things out. But what things? And how?

Tough questions, and I’ve been reading books and journaling like mad all year on those topics. I didn’t want to make any knee-jerk decisions based on exhaustion or fear for my health.

For those of you who asked, briefly these are the steps I took–and ones you can certainly take–to reclaim your life and health and (my biggest dream) time to write!

Be Methodical

First, I figured out where all my time was going. I was the proverbial hamster on a wheel, but sometimes my “to do” list was longer when I went to bed than when I started work in the morning! But truthfully, I had no idea where many of my hours were going.

I kept track of my hours for about six weeks, writing down not just how I spent my time in general, but specifically. (I used to just mark off “work hours.” This time I printed out time grids broken into half hours around the clock, and marked off everything. I also broke down “work” into things like writing fiction, work-for-hire writing, blogging, social networking, critiquing, studying, answering email, etc.)

It was time-consuming, but those time grids yielded a wealth of information. I could see easily which work segments contributed the most money per hour. I was shocked how much time got wasted on unnecessary email and web surfing, usually when I was tired and didn’t want to start the next project on my list.

I did the same time grid idea for volunteer work, babysitting grandkids, and all the other ways I was spending my time.  I knew I wasn’t going to sacrifice weekly time with my grandkids, but frankly, my energy was running out before the week ended.

What Are Your Priorities?

After adding up the hours in various categories (work, sleep, eating, grandkids, healthy activities like walking, etc.), I then listed my activities in order of priority based on the amount of time used per week. It was a shocker. The things I knew in my heart were my priorities were closer to the bottom of my list than the top. I was surprised how little time I spent weekly on the people and work projects that were the loves of my life.

One book I read said that how you spend your time reveals your true priorities, no matter what you claim they are. So I decided to journal the answers to several questions over the course of last summer. Here are some of the questions I prayerfully asked myself:

• Am I living a balanced life?
• What’s missing from my list of activities?
• If I died tomorrow, would I be happy with how I spent my last week on earth? [Not such a far-fetched question as my dad died at 61.]
• Are my priorities what I thought they would be at this time of my life?
• How much of my time is spent doing for others things they could (and should be) doing for themselves?
• Which of my activities bring me joy?
• Am I involved in too many activities? [I tend to join things and run groups, but I forget to drop out of one thing before taking on another. Last summer I still had leadership positions in three volunteer organizations that involved a lot of time.]

I took my time journaling those questions and answers. I was ruthlessly honest since I knew no one but me would see it.

Take Action–Create New Priorities

You’re not cutting anything out yet, but evaluate your time-grid list based on things revealed by your journaling. (I know this looks like a lot of work, but I took most of last year to do it and think about it.) Consciously choose new priorities based on what’s really important and necessary for you.

Ask yourself questions like:

• What’s most important to you at this time in your life?
• Where would you like to spend more of your time?
• Are there areas that need your attention (your health, a relationship, career, finances, kids/grandkids?)
• Is there a secret dream or desire that keeps getting put on the back burner that you’d like to spend time on? What is it?

Give yourself permission to be totally honest about your desires. Most of our lives seem to be run on “shoulds.” Forget about them for the moment and focus on the true desires of your heart. What feels vitally important to your well-being?

Now Comes the Hard Part

While I have gotten better over the years at saying “no” to obvious cases of abuse or unfair business practices or demands, it is still the hardest thing for me to do. But we can’t make time for the things that are truly our priorities (including our own health) if we can’t say “no” to what is dragging us under.

If you’re like most people, you probably find yourself saying yes to things that are not a priority for you. I know I’ve blogged about this topic a lot. We tend to say “yes” too quickly, and then we’re stuck with our commitment.

What stops us from saying “no” or “I want to get out of this party/lunch/volunteer position/etc.”? Many reasons. We’re afraid we’ll disappoint others. We’re afraid we’ll make someone mad, and we don’t want to deal with it. People might not like us. There could be serious consequences (losing a job or relationship). We’re afraid to say “no.”

A Fear Guideline

Here is a terrific question you can use to help you determine whether fear is stopping you from saying “no” to something in your life. It’s the $64,000 question that finally helped me weed out and/or cut back on some activities and “get a life.” Here’s the question:

If you could say no to someone or something, knowing that there would be absolutely no hard feelings or negative consequences, who or what would you say no to?

Once I was honest with myself, using that question as a guideline, the decisions came quickly. I started taking action, small step at a time, to carve out a writing life that I wanted. Cutting down on blogging time was just one of many decisions I made in the last part of 2011 so that 2012 would reflect my priorities better.

How about you? Do you need to take some time to reflect and make course corrections? I’m behind you all the way!

14 Comments »

1. 

   I’m going to bump my answer to the top here in the interest of time (before my baby granddaughter gets up from her nap)…:-)

   Thank you all for your heart-felt responses! I have many soul sisters and brothers out there. I think turning 60 was a great wake-up call for me to finally take some concrete steps toward a writing life I had been dreaming about since I took my ICL course 31 years ago. I kept thinking, “If not now, when?”

   I agree with so many of the comments below…about women being under undue pressure in our society, about many being caught in the materialism trap that keeps them working unholy hours, about deadlines sometimes adding just too much pressure to our lives, that speed and efficiency can be killers, that cutting back can actually help us ENJOY the holidays (imagine that!) and more.

   Thanks for ALL your responses!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — January 4, 2012 @ 6:04 pm

2. 

   Kristi, It’s great to see you beaming above your birthday candles! Thank you so much for this honest post. This process would work for anyone, not just writers. For me, the question about doing things for others that they could/should do for themselves is a biggie, and one I’m trying to work on–empowering those “others” to do that which they could/should. Best wishes for a productive 2012!!

   Comment by Jane Heitman Healy — January 4, 2012 @ 7:13 pm

3. 

   Great post, Kristi. As I was reading your post, I was thinking that today’s women face too many responsibilities, either because they want to, or they’re expected to, or because they have to because the men in their lives are not caring for them as they should. Family structure has broken down. As a society, we need to strengthen the family; other things will fall into place. So many people want to have the luxuries and comforts, but at what cost? One doesn’t have to be rich to enjoy a beautiful sunset or take a pen and notebook and sit quietly to write.

   Comment by Vijaya — January 4, 2012 @ 7:19 pm

4. 

   Kristi, I commend you for having the courage to be real with yourself, it can be so hard to know at times if you’re just overreacting, or this is a problem that deserves serious attention.

   After my post-Christmas, pre-New Year’s meltdown, I’m having to do the same thing, and while my biggest problem is not saying “No” when I have to, being patient with myself in whatever I choose to do is my biggest hangup.

   It’s hard to take your time when everyone and everything around you values speed and efficiency more than anything else.

   I hate to give people exact time frames for fear I’ll lose people’s respect and trust for not not being on time (i.e. deadline) but to do what I had to do right, it just took that extra time, which is why I don’t give myself personal deadlines, it just puts pressure on me I don’t need or want.

   So, in those times when I have to meet deadline, I have to white knuckle it, and that’s hard.

   If I do nothing else in 2012, finding healthy ways to cope and self-endure MUST happen, or I’m not going to make 30, let alone 60, as scary as that sounds I know this is true.

   This week’s episode got me as close to a heart attack as I ever want to be.

   Take Care,
   Taurean

   Comment by Taurean Watkins — January 4, 2012 @ 10:47 pm

5. 

   Congratulations, Kristi, for making the hard choices, and I appreciate that you’ve outlined your process for making these choices. I have looked forward to your MWF blogs, but I’d be the last person to say that you shouldn’t cut down on obligations. I did someone similar early in the fall, but I didn’t think it through like you have. I was more in the “oh, my gosh, I have to do something different right now” mode. But the result was pretty good. The Christmas just past was one of the least hectic ones since my childhood. Now I’m cautiously adding back one activity that I enjoy, a weekly Bible Study. But I’m not the leader. Good luck making your changes. It will be a good thing.

   Comment by Bonnie Hinman — January 5, 2012 @ 11:29 am

6. 

   Wow, what a post! You mention wonderful points. I love the quote “How you spend your time reveals your true priorities, no matter what you claim they are.” I believe that I, too, need to reevaluate how I spend my time. Thank you for generating some deep thought!

   Comment by Kiya Krier — January 5, 2012 @ 11:37 am

7. 

   Hi Kristi:

   Happy New Year! I started out 2011 learning how to say no, but unfortunately by years end I was not saying no enough. I’ve started off 2012 with simplyfing my life by unsubscribing to several list serves, newsletter and business advertisements. I have to tell you it’s a welcome pleasure not to be distracted by so many emails.

   I applaud you!

   All the best,
   Donna

   Comment by Donna McDine — January 6, 2012 @ 11:06 am

8. 

   Kristi, I too commend you for seeing that it is time to “cut down on wasteful spending of your time” and focus on what’s really important and profitable in terms of your writing career. I’m only in my third year of my writing career so have no clue what I should cut down on at this point, probably nothing, but I think your decision to only blog once a week may be a good one. Not for your followers who look forward to reading your posts everyday, but truthfully, I don’t know how anyone can find the time to blog everyday. It takes so much time just to come up with something new, refreshing, and interesting to say!! I commend you for doing it as long as you did. Anyway, congratulations on your new goals for 2012 and I hope they go well for you!

   Comment by Allyn Stotz — January 10, 2012 @ 2:58 pm

9. 

   Thanks again for everyone’s good wishes and confirmation that cutting back on the frequency of the blog is a good thing at this time. I will try hard to make each post count!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — January 10, 2012 @ 8:14 pm

10. 

    I’m way late with this comment, but I just happened to pop in here and see this. It seems we are, ahem, +exactly+ the same age. Would you believe I spent all of 2011 using that same time grid? I’ve also been asking myself, “If not now, when?” I’ve pared down my life a lot, and it really brings the joy back.

    Comment by Marcia — January 16, 2012 @ 2:16 pm

11. 

    Marcia, thanks for your comment! I guess for us both that this birthday milestone is making us sit up and take notice of time whizzing by. I’ve pared down a lot, but I can see I need to keep going a bit longer. Best of luck to you in this endeavor!!!

    Comment by Kristi Holl — January 16, 2012 @ 8:17 pm

12. 

    Good for you! Hey you help us free up time too by creating less for us to feel like we have to read. So that’s a double good thing. I did a similar thing at a job I once had to see how I could be more efficient. I charted what I did every MINUTE (phone calls, bathroom, data input, etc). You’re right. It was VERY eye-opening. And I did save a lot of time, become more efficient, and was able to take on a few more projects. Good luck this year!

    Comment by Christie Wild — January 23, 2012 @ 10:34 am

13. 

    Christie, I’m glad I’m also helping YOU by cutting back. I hadn’t thought of that! I kept looking at a sign taped to my computer that said, “You don’t need more time…you just need to decide.” Turns out that it’s totally right!

    Comment by Kristi Holl — January 23, 2012 @ 1:59 pm

14. 

    That’s a great quote! Wonder if it works this way, too: “You don’t need more [money]…you just need to decide.”

    Comment by Christie Wright Wild — February 2, 2012 @ 9:09 pm

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