Writers First Aid

Calling All Introverts!

August 26, 2011

introvert I laughed out loud when I read the quote below–mostly because it describes me so well. How about you?

“You have your day scheduled out, given over to the expectations of others. You brace yourself for what’s ahead. Then you get a call. The day is cancelled; everyone who needed you is down with a three-day virus. Is there anything more delicious? You know what I’m talking about. We don’t like others to be sick, but we love others to cancel. We become giddy at the prospect of ‘found’ time–time without plans or expectations. Time to think.”

Introverts Unite!

This is from a book called Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D. She is great at defining introverts.

Contrary to what you might have heard, introverts are not geeky, shy wallflowers, or antisocial. We’re introverts (by definition) because we “recharge our batteries” in solitude or in quiet one-on-one conversations, while extroverts can get recharged in noisy party-type settings with lots of people.

Introverts are not a minority–we’re just quieter than noisy extroverts. A recent large study showed that introverts comprise 57% of the population. That was a surprise to me. I always felt like I didn’t fit in with the masses. As it turns out, introverts are the masses!

Introvert Writers

I suspect that many writers are introverts. Otherwise, we might not enjoy spending so much time alone writing. And it would explain why our favorite thing to do is read and our favorite places are libraries and bookstores.

Much of the book is about celebrating being an introvert, and then using your introvert traits to thrive in an extrovert country. (Americans prize being extroverts, whereas the Japanese prize being introverts.)

How About You?

Are you an introvert? Will you admit it? (This sounds like Introverts Anonymous: “Hello. My name is Kristi, and I’m an introvert.”) If you think you are, what’s hard for you being an introvert in an extrovert world?

Post tags: habits, healing, motivation, psychology of writing, writing challenges

Posted in: writing challenges | | Comments (12)

12 Comments »

OOOOHHHHH…how I loved your posts below!! Thank you all so much. Yes, we are much more alike than different, aren’t we? You’d love this author’s descriptions of the “party experience” and ways to handle it that is in keeping with your personality.

I, too, can be a surface extrovert. I’m good at getting people to talk, but then I don’t have to say much. The author makes a distinction between introverts who have fine social skills (like most of us) and being antisocial. And also all extroverts are not fitted with great social skills just because they talk a lot and love parties. (We’ve ALL been cornered by the yak-yak extrovert bore at parties who is only talking about himself.) In other words, you can be either introvert or extrovert–and have either good or bad social skills. It isn’t a personality issue at all.

Again, thank you for all the great comments!

Comment by Kristi Holl — August 26, 2011 @ 5:11 am
Definitely introverted….don’t make eye contact then maybe they won’t talk to you. People are usually shocked when I tell them I am introverted…I have the gift of situational extrovert-ed-ness. I can be outgoing when I need to be, but it’s very draining for me physically and emotionally, and is usually followed by me on the couch with my snuggie, recharging. Oh snuggie, I love the way you hold me! Have a great weekend!

Comment by TJ — August 26, 2011 @ 12:26 pm
I am an introvert, but I’m also geeky and shy, so it’s also a generalization to assume that my reasons for preferring to hang back don’t also include my near-inability to hold a conversation about anything all involved parties might find interesting!

Comment by rockinlibrarian — August 26, 2011 @ 12:35 pm
Glad I’m not alone, Kristi. I’m definitely an introvert. Hopping here and there to social functions wear me out just thinking about them. Give me a cozy spot in my own home any day.

So you suspect most writers are introverts?

Comment by Trudy — August 26, 2011 @ 2:44 pm
By the definition above I am now sure that I’m an introvert. I have always thought I was some kind of hybrid extrovert because I don’t mind being around other people and am pretty outgoing but I need my solitude to recharge. Parties rarely appeal to me but I don’t mind public speaking. I live to read and speaking of that, I have purchased so many of the books, Kristy, that you mention liking, I’m going to have to go on a book diet. Your suggestions seem to be just what I like to read.

Comment by Bonnie H. — August 26, 2011 @ 3:52 pm
Hello. My name is Andrea, and I’m an introvert.

Oh, yeah; oh, yeah! We’re in the MAJORITY baby Woo hoo!

As much as I do like being with other people, my introvert self finds it hard to take part in many of the conversations going on in group get-togethers, even family ones. I often find myself sitting back, listening to the different conversations going on around me, perhaps adding my two cents to them once in a while.

Comment by Andrea Buginsky — August 26, 2011 @ 4:10 pm
What a timely post, Kristi! I’ve been working on a picture book on Introversy, and this pops up.

I love my introverted self. (My Myers-Briggs results show I’m a 95% introvert.) Didn’t used to understand it, and would feel odd or left out cos I wasn’t enjoying all the woo-hoos and fun my classmates were. Got teased a little for liking to dwell in libraries. But now that I’ve learned about Introvercy, I’ve come to cherish it. I enjoy Brightness in the world in my own way. We don’t shine like the rest. We glow like a lantern from within.

Comment by Claudine Gueh — August 27, 2011 @ 3:45 am
Hello, my name is Jenny – and I am an introvert, who can function as an extrovert. (and actually wrote well, through it and in the midst of it – TUNE OUT! LOL!) However, I have noticed over the last couple of years, that I am truly happiest whenever I am on my own, ~without~ still feeling obligated…~ (I should, I should…) I deal with people, neighbors, and 22 tenants all the time – but find that I NEED the time in my own universe, without being plugged into the world. Does that make me anti-social? LOL! – No – it makes me much wiser, calmer, and true to myself, and thus, to others benefit, because I really WANT to be there doing whatever when “I” choose to do it – quality goes up! However, I must confess, I am turning into a curmudgeon in some respects – (might have something to do with 7 days a week and no vacation!) I may be horribly feeling the economy, but I reconnected with my own universe again, and you know something? I find it to be really rich!!! And it’s all MINE! and I don’t talk about it, it depletes the energy building up). I have really been on this as a diehard experiment for 2 months, about. I had forgotten that denying yourself caves the world in somewhat – exhausted all the time. It is really TRUE, when I have seen all these articles I used to read glibly, that say “take time for yourself.” WOW! It really works as a recharge! And I guess the wiser (read “older” one gets, one’s tastes CAN change, somewhat. As a past choral writer and director, with a booking agency, I have no fear of groups, or being in the middle of high energy things. But I actually am enjoying and exploring the benefits now of all the experiences that have distilled their way through the lifesieve, percolating and blending all these years, while my attention was on the madding crowd. And I really LIKE the spiced casserole I have bubbling! But honestly, it is certainly best savored and served up when no one else is sticking fingers into it! LOL! Oh well, I am happily admitting introvert now – and extrovert AT MY CHOICE! But then, it also took me 45 years to admit I was a romantic, per the actual dictionary definition, not the general connotation. Nor will I ever admit to being a poet (in fact, that makes me uncomfortable – I don’t know why, I have nothing against REAL poets, but I don’t think I could ever aspire to that – It scares me and I want to hide. But I will wax happily versicly (is that a word?) lyrical when I am hidden in my ivory tower! – introversion’s been bery bery gud to me! (I’m trying to paraphrase something, and I can’t even remember! LOL!)

Comment by jen — August 27, 2011 @ 3:57 am
Definitely sounds like an introvert meeting – Hello, my name is Ally & I am such an introvert I try to hide away whenever I can.

I can function in an extrovert world but with difficulty. I really dislike (hate would be too strong?) when my hubby brings friends over unannounced… it’s not the friends that I mind it’s the “well now I get to entertain too when I just want to read” without being asked, feeling I don’t like. When I have warning I can plan around the “interruption”, or hide if I really need the quiet.

I like to plan as much as possible so I can fit “me time” in to recharge between activities, tricky to do with a hubby and small child, plus family, friends & other activities…

Comment by Ally M — August 29, 2011 @ 1:54 pm
I took the Myers-Briggs assessment several years ago and was identified as an introvert but I really had no idea what that meant. About 2 years ago, I started reading more about it, including the book you mentioned. I think I understand now that introvert is not the same as “shy” – although shy people can certainly be introverts and vice versa. Introversion, as I understand it, means that I draw my energy from within. I can function well enough with people I’m a little shy but certainly not socially awkward). I just need time to recharge. Learning to guard my time has helped immensely, making sure I do things to recharge. Another huge help was understanding why I freeze up in group settings and meetings. Most likely it’s because I need time to process what I’m hearing and to form my response. I used to sit in meetings and have a horrible experience. Now I relax and tell myself “you don’t have to say a word, just listen.” Sometimes something pops out; sometimes I follow up via email once I have my thoughts together.

I think the writing on this topic is well worth heeding (haven’t read Introverts in the Church yet but I hear it’s another good one). It’s also helped me understand my husband’s need to be around people on friday nights after his long work week. Not really my bag but I’m learning to make sure we get a balance that suits us both.

Comment by Dianne — August 31, 2011 @ 5:24 pm
Kristi, the quote up above describes what happened to me the day hurricane Irene came through. Everything got cancelled, the power went out and I suddenly had several hours of free time, a stack of books and magazines and natural light. Heaven!
Up until now, though, I was feeling pretty guilty.
Thanks for letting me know I was just doing my “introvert” thing!

Comment by Fancy Morgan — September 1, 2011 @ 11:23 am
Again, thank you to ALL of you who shared so openly. I definitely don’t feel alone now! And I will think of you all on Friday nights when you’re out with your extrovert spouses and counting the minutes till you can go home. Introverts, unite–and recharge!

Comment by Kristi Holl — September 1, 2011 @ 5:19 pm