May 18, 2011

I heard a sermon recently about life being filled with “fillers” and “drainers.” The pastor was talking about people, of course.

Fillers are people who know how to encourage you and build you up. Drainers are in your life because they need encouragement and help; however, they don’t have time for you if you need something in return. (You know the type. They think a “give and take” relationship means, “You give, and I take.”)

A rare person is both a filler and a drainer in your life, and you’re blessed if you have a person or two like that in your family or circle of friends.

Writing Relationships

If we narrow the “fillers and drainers” idea down to writers, I think you will find the idea holds true there as well. You will meet filler writers who are great encouragers for you, who help keep your self-esteem intact through the tough times of rejection, writer’s block, poor sales and negative reviews.

And you’ll meet drainer writers, those who nail you in the restroom at the writer’s conference and want you to give a free critique, then introduce them to your agent or editor.

Occasionally you will meet a treasure: a writer who is both filler and drainer. When you do, treat this priceless person well, and do all you can to sustain the relationship(s).

It’s Your Choice

What kind of writer are you? You may not know other writers yet, so you might not be sure. But you’ll eventually meet writers at conferences, retreats, local writer gatherings or book store signings and readings. In the writing relationships you enter, strive to be a filler as well as a drainer.

If you’re unpublished or newly published, you might think you have nothing to offer. Not true! You don’t have to be published to be an encourager, an uplifter, or a good listening ear. Publishing advice isn’t the only thing other writers need. In fact, I would guess (from my experience) that it’s not even near the top of the list. (That’s why my blog is focused on the emotional issues of writing rather than how to plot or build characters or write a winning query.)

Do a Self-Check

After you attend your next writing event (large or small) ask yourself: “Was I filler or a drainer today?” Did you make encouraging comments as well as ask for help? Did you give as well as take? If you can find that kind of balance, you’ll be able to build writing relationships that will last a lifetime.

3 Comments »

1. 

   An interesting take on a sermon, and it’s good you listened with such attention. As writers and as people we meet both fillers and drainers. Fillers are more fun, of course, but a balance is helpful. If my critique group turned into fillers, they’d be useless, but still great people. I need to know a person well before I can ask a person for a favor, be a drain of any kind on their time. I also need to be positive it can go both ways. Hopefully we can replenish what we drain and be filled communally. I don’t need to wait to be a filler, though. I just never thought of it in those terms.

   Comment by Kathleen Harrell — May 18, 2011 @ 3:09 pm

2. 

   Kathleen, I checked out your blog and laughed and laughed. I love your sense of humor.

   I find with fillers and drainers that it mostly comes down to my expectations. If you’re a teacher or workshop leader, you expect to be a filler, whether you’re speaking or having lunch with someone or being picked up at the airport. It’s the same with two ministries I lead at church–I wouldn’t expect either group to meet my needs. I have a harder time asking favors–I’m better at trading favors, and sometimes it makes my grown kids mad when they just want to DO something for me. Old habits die hard!

   I don’t mind being a filler most of the time because I’ve had crisis periods in my life (as most of us have) when I was a total drain on everyone, I suspect. As long as our “draining strategies” are temporary and don’t become a way of life, it’s okay though!

   Thanks for a thoughtful comment.

   Comment by Kristi Holl — May 19, 2011 @ 3:39 pm

3. 

   Great metaphors!
   Try to be a filler but there are always moments of the other one, too!
   Will keep the thought in mind!

   Comment by Patricia Anne McGoldrick — May 20, 2011 @ 9:21 am

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