May 16, 2011

Do you believe you are called to write? Or do you suspect you are?

If that’s true, why aren’t you pursuing your calling?

Food for Thought

This weekend I started reading Callings by Gregg Levoy, the author of a very practical book for writers called This Business of Writing. In Callings, he said some thought-provoking things that gave me pause.

I started writing thirty years ago, and until six months ago, there were many reasons why I couldn’t give my all-out devotion to writing: a full-time day job of teaching, raising four childrlen, multiple jobs in the church and community, serious health problems and surgeries, etc. But last fall I retired from teaching, my children are grown, and I can decide how much I babysit grandchildren and how much volunteer work I do. It’s a time I’ve been anticipating for three decades.

So…am I pursuing my writer’s calling with full devotion? I want to. I dream about it. I can almost taste it sometimes. But do I do it? No.

Why?

I’m not sure, but these quotes from Callings are helping me ask the right questions. Maybe these ideas will help you too.

• “Although we have the choice not to follow  a call, if we do not do so,..we’ll feel alienated from ourselves, listless and frustrated, and fitful with boredom, the common  cold of the soul. Life will feel so penetratingly dull and pointless that we may become angry, and turn the anger inward against ourselves (one definition of depression).”
• “Generally, people won’t pursue their callings until the fear of doing so is finally exceeded by the pain of not doing so.”
• “Perhaps the main reason that we ignore calls is that we instinctively know the price they’ll exact.”
• “All calls lead to some sacrifice because even just one choice closes the door on another, and some calls lead to much sacrifice, which may feel anything but blissful.”
• “At some level we need to devote everything, our whole selves. A part-time effort, a sorta-kinda commitment, an untested promise, won’t  suffice. You must know that you mean business, that you’re going to jump into it up to your eye sockets and not turn back at the last minute.”

Will the Rubber Meet the Road Now?

I’ve had thirty years of (by necessity) a “part-time effort” and “an untested promise.” Now that I have the time and could choose to do so, will I “jump into it up to [my] eye sockets”?

Is the pain of not doing so finally more than the fear of trying? Yes, I think so.

How about you?

[If you've decided to surrender to the call, but you don't know what you're called to write, see What Am I Called to Write?]

8 Comments »

1. 

   Kristi, I love this post, I may need to pick up this book you are speaking of. I love where the author says “Although we have the choice not to follow a call, if we do not do so,..we’ll feel alienated from ourselves, listless and frustrated, and fitful with boredom, the common cold of the soul.” I really do feel this! When I am not writing, or distractions get in the way, or I stray from my writing what he describes is exactly what I feel. It is put so well. Sometimes I think “maybe I am wasting time writing” but I am so much happier and in tune with the world when I am writing! I better keep working at it!~
   Thanks
   Jodi

   Comment by Jodi — May 16, 2011 @ 2:53 pm

2. 

   What you say is timely. In a dream last week followed by a deep heart search, the root to my resistance appeared–an either/or mentality that had been passed down to generations of women and men. Either a woman became a pro or she served her husband and children with exclusive devotion, the only two choices evident in the movie “The Turning Point.” I had chosen both, but not at the same time.

   I see nothing wrong with either of these paths, but things have changed. Technology has freed women’s time and created a third option: both/and. A musician friend of mine had successfully juggled both, and to my surprise, her kids thrived.

   If it is our call to step beyond forms that limit us and blaze a new trail, we must be courageous. Otherwise, we will lack the completeness that empowers us to touch the least and the lost outside of our families.

   BTW, I love your book!

   Comment by Judith Markovich — May 16, 2011 @ 4:32 pm

3. 

   Thanks for this! I need to hear it every so often!

   Comment by rockinlibrarian — May 16, 2011 @ 5:20 pm

4. 

   I always feel confused about whether or not I’m “called” to write. I don’t really feel that I am, since it isn’t such a pull for me. I can go months without writing and be okay with that — mind you, I mean writing to create a book or something. I still write in my journals/blog/etc on a regular basis, and couldn’t NOT do that.

   But, everyone tells me I should be a Writer… that I’m good at Writing.

   How do you know if it’s truly a calling, or just something people are pushing you into? I like to Write, but don’t feel good enough, I guess.

   ~MizB

   Comment by MizB — May 17, 2011 @ 6:12 am

5. 

   PS… as a follow up to that (sorry to leave 2 comments), I am right now struggling with whether/not to enter a (free) writing/publishing contest. I have my book almost finished, but I have one month ’til the deadline — and I’d have to write the end of the story (a few chapters), and then do a quick edit. And, I just don’t know if I’m up to it. I’ve got the time (lost my day job), but I am scared to death! I almost don’t WANT to win, for fear of being asked to write another book, or having to go do book tours, etc. That’s just not my thing! But, the idea still calls to me, ’cause i could find out, once & for all, if my writing is worth anything. And, I could make us some much-needed money if I won.

   Comment by MizB — May 17, 2011 @ 6:15 am

6. 

   Kristi, this reminds me of Eric Maisel’s books on creativity, and the fear of committing yourself fully to something you yearn to do. We worry that we’ll be wasting our time, that we’ll fail, that others will think less of us… I struggle with this, too. We all have our own fears that underpin our “under-commitment”. If we can get past the fear, we can write, but it’s a battle every day until you find a way through.

   Comment by Sherryl — May 17, 2011 @ 5:41 pm

7. 

   I needed to hear this today! Thank you!

   Comment by Jen — May 18, 2011 @ 4:42 am

8. 

   Thank you–each and every one of you–for your comments. I wish I had more answers for you and fewer questions, but as Sherryl mentioned, we all have our fears to deal with. Fears of failure are one kind–but fear of success is just as real, oddly enough. (Will I be able to do the marketing publishers seem to require today–like interviews and TV spots? Can I write the whole series if I land the contract? Can I handle poor reviews?) But as Jodi said, I am also miserable when my writing dreams slide away from busy-ness.

   Comment by Kristi Holl — May 18, 2011 @ 8:25 am

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