March 21, 2011

I once had an apartment with one large hall closet. At first it was roomy and organized. Over the two years I lived there, it grew more and more crowded and chaotic as I stuffed more and more junk into it. One day, I realized I couldn’t jam one more thing in there and still close the door.

Something was going to have to come OUT before more would go IN.

Time is Like a Closet

One year I took some online classes plus set up a self-study program to grow in my writing craft. It would require around four hours per day to do everything I wanted to do. Given the fact that I NEVER had four free hours in a day, where was that time going to come from?

One thing I love to do on January 1 is change calendars: wall calendars in kitchen and office, desk calendars (daily and monthly) in my office, and pocket calendars for my purse. The squares of the New Year calendar pages are virtually pristine and pure. An occasional appointment already made dots a square or two, but that’s all.

The calendars I pitch have perhaps one or two clean white squares per month with nothing scheduled. Just looking at them makes me feel tired. I know from experience, though, that the clean calendars will soon look just as jam-packed as the old calendars if I didn’t take steps NOW to prevent it.

But how?

Create a “NOT To-Do” List

To make time for some new things I wanted to do, I had to look at the calendar and find the time wasters. Some events are important to me and will stay on my new schedule: our weekly potluck supper with my grown kids and grandkids, teaching Sunday school at the Air Force base to basic trainees, my every-other-week critique group, leading DivorceCare at church, and blogging 3X/week. These activities feed my goals of a strong extended family, volunteer service, and growth as a writer.

However, I noticed a LOT of stuff on my calendar that could easily go. (Well, easily in the sense that I wouldn’t miss it. Difficult in the sense that it would mean saying “no” more often-and people pleasers like me hate that.)

My Personal “Not To-Do” List

I know the Internet eats up a lot of time for me. This year I’ve decided to stay offline until noon by adding the blog the night before so it posts automatically in the morning without me being online. Before I go to bed at night, I remove the laptop (which has the Internet connection) from my office altogether. It’s easier to deal with the temptation this way. Out of sight, out of mind! Reading other people’s blogs, posting on Twitter and Facebook, and answering e-mail can wait till later in the day.

No more “come and buy something” parties. I don’t like parties selling jewelry, home interior decorations, clothing, pots and pans, etc. I am also going to limit how many invitations I accept to showers. At my age, every woman is having grandkids and giving baby showers for friends having new grandkids. I rarely know their children or grandchildren. The shower only appears to take two hours, but by the time you’ve bought and wrapped a gift, gotten yourself ready, and driven to and from in heavy city traffic, it kills about eight hours. A gift card in the mail would be fine most of the time. (Not sure I’ll ever get up the guts to RSVP with, “Hey, I’ve never even met your kid, and I barely even know you, so I won’t be coming or sending a gift.”) Sounds very Scroogey, I know. But ooooh, so tempting.

I will no longer clean the house before the every-other-month visit by the Orkin bug man.

I won’t attend more than one social function per weekend, no matter how much I love the people. Social functions wear me out, keep me up too late to get a good night’s sleep, and because talking aggravates my TMJ, it results in headaches. I was astounded how many things were on the calendar that I didn’t enjoy. (Example: both my husband and I hate football, so why are we going to Super Bowl parties every year?)

I will stop scheduling necessary doctor and dentist appointments in the middle of my work day.

This is just a beginning, but I think you get the idea.

Your Assignment

Your task, if you decide to accept it, is to look at your old calendar and make a list of things you no longer want to do. Prune away the events, committees, and jobs that have become time wasters keeping you from fulfilling your own higher priority goals and commitments.

Keep the list near your phone. Practice saying, “Thank you for asking me (or inviting me), but I’m afraid I will have to say NO at this time.” End of discussion.

You can do it! I can do it! Having a “NOT To-Do” list is the only way we’ll be able to have a writer’s “To-Do” list that is effective.

[This is an excerpt from More Writer's First Aid. It will be out in paperback tomorrow, March 22.]

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6 Comments »

1. 

   I’m so excited that More Writer’s first aid comes to paperback! Where can I buy it? I totally can’t wait to dive into it!

   Comment by Andrea — March 21, 2011 @ 12:26 pm

2. 

   Thanks, Andrea! It SHOULD be out tomorrow on Amazon, but I will definitely announce it here when it is.

   Comment by Kristi Holl — March 21, 2011 @ 4:04 pm

3. 

   Well, this might be the ultimate Not-To-Do, but my son starts full-time school in September. I will not be working outside the home fulltime.

   Comment by Yvette — March 21, 2011 @ 9:01 pm

4. 

   Yvette, that’s great!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — March 22, 2011 @ 3:07 pm

5. 

   Tell that to my husband.

   Comment by Yvette — March 22, 2011 @ 8:09 pm

6. 

   I hear you. I couldn’t say no way back when I was in that position myself. Easier to tell others what to do! It’s so much easier with 20/20 hindsight to warn people!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — March 24, 2011 @ 6:46 am

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