Writers First Aid

Stage 1: Making Up Your Mind

February 4, 2011

mind (If you haven’t already, read the overview, “The Dynamics of Change.”)

You want to make changes in your writing life that will last?

Let’s start at the beginning, with Stage 1: Making Up Your Mind. As I said last time, this stage involves several things, including the following:

feeling the pain that prompts you to change
evaluate the risks and benefits of the goals you have in mind
evaluate your current ability

Not Yet!

In this stage, you do not make any changes. Not yet. As tempting as it is, do not jump in and “just do it!” Remember how far your willpower has taken you in the past–and wait.

Resist the temptation to cycle through another try–>fail–>try harder–>fail–>discouragement episode. Instead, lay the necessary groundwork to make permanent changes.

The Pain of Not Changing

Wanting to make a change–but never making it–is exhausting. It hangs over our heads, constantly reminding us of some incompleted task. When you really feel the pain of not changing, you’re on your way to making up your mind. (And if you’re willing to live with the pain of not realizing your writing dreams, that’s your choice as well.)

Actively and colorfully imagine staying the same the next five years. Imagine that it’s 2016. You’re still trying to implement the “write daily” habit, you’re still trying to finish that novel, you’re still too afraid to talk to agents or editors at writer’s conferences, and you’re still unpublished. When writers’ block hits–or simply a normal writer’s frustration–you still reach for doughnuts or a cigarette or settle in for an hour of mindless TV.

It’s 2016, and nothing has changed–except you have gained fifteen pounds, you’re still stuck in a day job you hate, your baby is in kindergarten, (and you never did get to work from home), or your military spouse has moved the family again (and you still don’t have a career that can move with you.)

Write out the “future” scenario in vivid color based on nothing changing. A clear image of future pain strengthens our determination to face our current fears about changing.

Risks and Benefits

Explore (either on your own or with a friend/counselor) the benefits of making the short- and long-term writing changes you are considering. Follow the changes five years into your future and see the benefits of having written steadily for five years, submitting steadily for five years, getting five years’ worth of critiques, etc.

The risks? Most of them have to do with facing your writing fears. For a week (two is better) observe yourself and your thoughts when you sit down to write (or when you avoid it.) You’re not trying to change here–just observe your reactions when trying to write.

Do you feel anxiety? What do you think? (“Who am I kidding? I can’t do this!”) What do you do? (Write half a paragraph, then reach for chocolate?) The risk is being honest with yourself, which is necessary if you’re going to honestly evaluate your current ability…

Current State of Affairs

After spending a couple of weeks observing your writing habits, you may have uncovered a few issues to address (procrastination, feeling isolated, self-doubt, self-sabotage, fears of failure or success, etc.) Maybe you just lack motivation; whatever the issue(s), this is the time to work on them.

How you deal with them (and a combination of solutions usually works best) will vary from writer to writer. Some ways to motivate yourself and work on various writing fears include:

counseling or career coaching
reading self-help books for writers like Ralph Keyes’ The Courage to Write
prayer
reading inspiring books for writers like Chicken Soup for the Writer’s Soul

Remember, all this thinking and journaling and dreaming is still Stage One. You haven’t committed to making any changes yet. You’re still making up your mind. You’re thinking things through thoroughly.

And you’re giving yourself the best possible chance to succeed–permanently.

Post tags: career planning, dreams, fears, focus, goals, habits, ideas, New Year's resolutions, psychology of writing, strategy, success, writing challenges, writing habits

Posted in: focusing,goals,habits,writing challenges,writing habits | | Comments (6)

6 Comments »

This is a great post, Kristi. I am going to take time this weekend to journal this exercise for two goals: writing and exercising. I think focusing on this exercise will help me dig in and get down to business when the honeymoon phase is over. Thank you!

Comment by Heather — February 4, 2011 @ 9:55 am
Heather, that sounds like a great use of your time. I am intrigued by how people change–and how to make it permanent so I can start this infernal starting and stopping all the time!

Comment by Kristi Holl — February 4, 2011 @ 4:29 pm
Hi Kristi,

I used to be afraid of changes, and recently I realize I’m terrified of NOT changing: Of not doing what I’ve set out to accomplish; of staying stuck in the same rut, (like whining will ever help, right?), of letting myself become as unworthy as I feel …

This post is excellent and true. The first stage is to make up your mind. The rest of the chatter in your head doesn’t matter. Hear your wishes loud and clear, and shut those ‘But …’ that tend to follow at the beginning.

One task at a time. Being honest in freewriting is very important to me. Reading books on motivation is very useful, too.

Very helpful blog this is, Kristi! Thanks.

Comment by Claudine Gueh — February 5, 2011 @ 4:28 am
Claudine, my thinking has shifted like yours has. It might be because of my age, but I have this sense of time running out and fear ending my life with regrets. I do NOT want to do that. Change brings growth, and growth is good!

Comment by Kristi Holl — February 5, 2011 @ 2:31 pm
I’ve read your book “Writer’s First Aid” and was so relieved to FINALLY find a writer’s problems that I can relate to. I do want SO much to be able to overcome these crippling fears and find a way to focus on my writing in spite of all these self-perceived distractions and obstacles. Thank you so much for making me feel I’m not alone in this struggle.

Comment by Debbie J. — February 15, 2011 @ 11:36 am
Debbie, thank you so much for the kind words about WRITER’S FIRST AID. We writers are DEFINITELY in this together. Most published writers will (privately) admit that they deal with fears and procrastination and blocks all the time. The more we share about what works for us, the better off we’ll ALL be.

Comment by Kristi Holl — February 17, 2011 @ 2:19 pm