Writers First Aid

Waiting! Waiting! Waiting!

October 25, 2010

waiting Because I have company this week (my daughter home from Iraq), I’m going to re-post a previous article. Because waiting is on my mind this week (my youngest daughter’s first baby is overdue), I chose this article on waiting.

Writers need to write daily–but we also wait daily. And we need to learn the art of waiting well.

Waiting! Waiting! Waiting!

For a writer, which activity lasts longest?
A. Submitting a manuscript, proposal, or query.
B. Waiting for a reply.
C. Opening your acceptance letter. Dumb question, right?

Anyone who’s been a writer for more than six months knows that the majority of a writer’s time–perhaps as much as 80-90%–is spent waiting on the fate of a manuscript or proposal or query. Submitting requires a trip to the post office or sending an e-mail attachment. Accepting requires a trip to your mailbox or e-mail Inbox.

It’s all that waiting in the middle that separates the men from the boys, the wannabes from the real writers. It stands to reason, then, that if you’re going to enjoy the writer’s life, you’d better learn how to enjoy waiting.

Enjoy Waiting?

Over and over, seasoned writers tell us that we must learn to enjoy the writing process, the day-to-day putting words on paper that is the essence of a real writer’s life. That makes sense, and once we make up our minds to it, learning to enjoy the writing process is a fairly simple matter.

But enjoy the waiting process? How? It takes more than just knowing the reasons. Understanding intellectually why we wait so long for a reply (down-sized publishing staff, floods of submissions, holiday vacations) doesn’t make waiting any easier.

Ways We Wait

There are at least three different ways we wait, and not all of them are productive.

(1) We wait in a state of high anxiety.
When we’re anxious about a manuscript or query that we’ve submitted, we wait on pins and needles. We know the market guide said “replies within two months,” so we give the editor an extra week beyond that. Then our waiting wears thin. Nothing is happening! We decide to help the editor along by taking things into our own hands.

We call the editor. We e-mail the editor. We send an urgent reminder note on neon-pink paper. We aggravate our ulcer and irritate our writing group with our agonizing. Then we have to live with the consequences of what (in haste) we decided to do.

In a calmer, dreadful moment, we realize our strident questions angered the editor when we phoned. In retrospect we realize our pink stationery looked amateurish. Our anticipated check is already being spent on antacids, and our writer friends are ignoring our ranting e-mails.

(2) We grit our teeth and hang on.
Others of us wait by clenching our jaws and furrowing our brows. While this is better than making an irate phone call to an editor, it still isn’t an enjoyable way to live. For one thing, it tarnishes the daily joy of working on our current writing project. It can also lead to depression, a “what’s the use?” feeling about writing. As time goes by, we write less and less. Our enthusiasm wanes.

This is the time when negative things start coming out of our mouths about insensitive editors and the stupid snail mail and malfunctioning email and what rotten writers we really are. Jealousy of others’ success can rear its ugly head now, too. Waiting in this fashion will bring out the worst in you.

(3) We wait with hope.
The writer who accepts that waiting is simply part of the writing game appreciates every small encouragement that comes her way. Perhaps it’s a scribbled note from an editor on a rejection slip. Perhaps it’s a comment from a critique group member that makes her realize how well she writes from the heart and touches others. Maybe it’s just an article in a writers’ magazine that, out of the blue, gives her a brand new market to try that looks just perfect!

Even if this writer doesn’t publish any more stories or books than the writer who waits with gritted teeth, she’ll be a lot more fun to be around! This kind of writer also tends to be more open to constructive criticism, which will provide opportunities for improvement (and thus more sales).

Learn to Wait Well!

As writers, we’ll wait no matter what we do. Our attitude and actions during the wait will determine whether we enjoy the trip. In many cases, they’ll also determine the length of the wait. Harass an overworked editor, and even if your manuscript was near the top of the pile, don’t be surprised if it gets “lost” for a while.

Stay on an even keel. Riding an anxious emotional roller coaster only destroys the time you should be productively writing and studying and improving your craft. Let someone else attend the pity parties. You stay home and write.

Feeling sorry for ourselves will only sap our energy, energy needed for the current manuscript, the one that’s even better than the one we submitted months ago. Self-pity leads to jealousy of others’ good fortune, and we conveniently forget how long they waited for their good news.

Patience Produces Enjoyment

Remember: no one is making us write. We’ve chosen this business. And just as getting thrown from a bucking bronco comes with the rodeo lifestyle, waiting comes with the writing lifestyle. Any time we’re dealing with other people, as when we submit manuscripts and queries to publishers, we multiply the opportunities for delays. Expect them. Even more importantly, plan for them.

Develop patience. Without it, you won’t be able to enjoy the writing life you’ve created. Fully developed patience will help you get where you want to go!

Share a technique below that helps YOU in the waiting process. We can use all the help we can get!

Post tags: discipline, distractions, focus, habits, psychology of writing, time management, writing challenges, writing habits

Posted in: focusing,goals,writing challenges,writing habits | | Comments (14)

14 Comments »

I sent out my first ms on Sept 10. So I am definitely waiting with HOPE! Did I stop writing? No! Am I worried? No! I already have two publishers lined up to send it to next. And I’m working on seven more mss, hoping to mail them out before my next birthday. The publisher says responds in 2 months. But honestly could be 6! I think that’s when it’s the hardest to wait. When the 6 months is up (mid-March for me) and still no word back. I guess that’s the point in which one has to just move on, or decide if they should contact the publisher/editor to get a status update. I do hope I hear back soon, though.

Comment by Christie Wild — October 25, 2010 @ 10:49 am
Christie, having additional publishers lined up already is a BIG key to success and not getting depressed by rejections. As soon as we send it off again, the hope goes back up!

Comment by Kristi Holl — October 25, 2010 @ 12:01 pm
Publishing moves at glacial pace. I submit, record and forget. And get busy on the next story. And I’m often pleasantly surprised months later

Oh, I get plenty of rejections, but because I’m busy writing, it doesn’t hurt as much, because the project I’m working on is always the one I’m in love with. I do have to take care not to let the rejected stories sit in a pile. So I routinely set aside a day to find new markets to send them off to.

Enjoy your visit with your daughter, Kristi.

Comment by Vijaya — October 25, 2010 @ 12:14 pm
Vijaya, I like your “submit, record and forget” philosophy. That’s the way to get on to the next manuscript. Most of us dislike marketing–I think having a day set aside for submitting sounds like a great idea to keep mss from piling up. I would need a BIG reward at the end of the day too!

Comment by Kristi Holl — October 25, 2010 @ 12:40 pm
Kristi, so glad you are having some happy family time! To your list above, I would also add that sometimes, I need to wait before submitting to view my ms. more objectively and work on any kinks. Whether in writing or in “real life,” waiting can be rewarding! (but that doesn’t mean I’m good at it in either realm)

Comment by Jane Heitman Healy — October 25, 2010 @ 9:04 pm
Jane, that’s a good point–giving yourself some time away from the ms to gain perspective. Very important–and good insights come during the waiting time.

Comment by Kristi Holl — October 25, 2010 @ 10:19 pm
Hello Is it okay if I go a bit off topic? I am trying to view your website on my iPhone but it doesn’t display properly, do you have any suggestions? Thank you for the help I hope! Lauren x

Comment by Lauren — October 26, 2010 @ 7:41 am
Lauren, I’m technologically challenged with this, I’m afraid. I hope someone will read this and have an answer they can post. I will also see what I can find out.

Comment by Kristi Holl — October 26, 2010 @ 10:20 am
I remember the first time I read this, I was in a very troubled place from a creative standpoint. I cringed in all the usual places, but I also knew no one could say all this with the sole intention of making me feel worse.

Still, patience is a virtue I’ve never mastered, and I knew I’d do myself in if I didn’t do something about it. But sadly, not much has changed yet, and I wish I knew what to do about it.

I think one of the main reasons why many people (Including me!) get impatient is simply not knowing what to do next.

I know many who’ve replied already have said they’ve learned to go from one project to the next, and I so envy them, it’s been years since I had that kind of systematic approach with my writing.

I hate myself for that, but I don’t know how it happened. Maybe it was because of my lack of knowledge about the business that let me carry on without getting bogged down in any one area.

How am I supposed to both love my work and be detached from it at the same time?

How can I be my own best “Critic” without devaluing the hard work I know I did?

It just seems to me that the more I learned about publishing, the harder it was to go from one thing to the next.

When I think about the best work I’ve produced, it took months or years to get it that good, which doesn’t mean it’s now flawless in every way, but it took time, many readers, and many more rewrites before someone besides me read it without being overly confused, and that doesn’t lend itself to the “Write one story, send out, write another one quickly after” assembly line approach that seems to get the most buzz these days.

I WISH I could be that speedy about it. But lately I feel like I’m living a paradox I don’t really understand. I need to care about what I write, so I’ll write it well, but at the same time I have to be the best “critic” for my work and see it objectively.

While also being able to revise it well enough to send to an appropriate market, all in a snap?

I’m probably being bit paranoid, but that’s how it seems to come off to me, and I’ve torn my hair out a few times over this revolving door of woe.

There are still so many aspects to the writing process I struggle with. I also think we confuse acceptance with ease. There are many things I accept, but that doesn’t make them easy to deal with.

The only thing harder than patience for me is revising, when it comes to the writing process.

Just knowing you have to revise and wait doesn’t mean you know what you’re supposed to revise or how to make the waiting less annoying.

That said, I don’t plan on quitting, I’ve done too much hard work to just throw it away, and I know in spite of the frustrations, I love it, I just wish I felt more love during the actual writing/rewriting/waiting.

One advantage your daughter has over us right now, unlike publishing, you’re not going to wait 18+ months for that grandkid to be born. Plus, it can’t NOT be born unless interested, if you know what I mean…(Wink)

C.J.

Comment by C.J. Rockwell — October 28, 2010 @ 4:21 pm
C.J., something you said struck a real chord with me. You wrote: It just seems to me that the more I learned about publishing, the harder it was to go from one thing to the next.

I have found that to be true myself. It was easier BEFORE I read so many writing books and articles. I remember when taking the ICL course that I had trouble remembering all the tips and feeling very overwhelmed. I’ve read so much lately again that I’ve almost frozen myself into a block that won’t budge. Yet we all need to study and learn and improve our craft–so ignoring growth isn’t the answer either. Finding the happy medium where we can write and finish something to our own satisfaction is a real trick sometimes!

I wish I felt more of the “love of writing” too–it just doesn’t kick in for me until I’ve been working for about an hour.

Comment by Kristi Holl — October 30, 2010 @ 6:38 pm
So, I got my first rejection this week! Well, you know I’m already getting it ready to send right back out there. I’m glad I didn’t have to wait a really LONG time.

Comment by Christie Wild — October 31, 2010 @ 10:01 am
Christie, good for you! You have a good attitude about this. A first rejection is a milestone that I wish I could help everyone skip, but it’s like being baptized into being a real writer, I think. It’s something we all have gone through! I’m glad you’re sending it right back out tomorrow!

Comment by Kristi Holl — October 31, 2010 @ 6:39 pm
Thanks for you reply, Kristi.

I’m glad to say since venting a bit, I’m feeling much better now, thanks in part to my writer’s group, and a really good book that saved a sad week from becoming an all too real-life soap opera. Only without the cheesy background music, thank you very much.

I’m glad to know it isn’t only me who’s had this problem. I was worried that I was being completely paranoid there, but knowing what you worked hard to accomplish, it’s so reassuring to know you felt like me, and still do, but obviously you eventually find a way, even if it takes awhile, since like me you know quitting isn’t an option.

But a short breather now and then is hardly a surrender, right?

You’re right, though, running away from growth is no better than being so overwhelmed that nothing feels possible.

I have to admit I was a bit ashamed for saying that it was learning more about the business I’m trying to be in that paralyzed my confidence and joy for the writing process. I knew at the outset it would be hard, so that didn’t scare me off, but I think when I realized just how much was involved, things you only learn when you’re trying to break in, it changed me in ways I didn’t see coming until I as knee-deep in them.

I’ve always been a thinker as my Grandma would attest, and I’ve had many a worrywart moment in my time, sometimes more than I care to admit, but I knew that part of me had gotten worse in recent years and I need to do something about it.

I know as long as I don’t quit, something will come that helps me sort it all out.

Comment by C.J. Rockwell — November 1, 2010 @ 8:05 am
C.J., I’m actually glad you brought this up. I had been wondering what was wrong with ME this year! I had set about my self-study program with all these great writing books (and there ARE some terrific writing books being published now), but I ended up feeling as overwhelmed and blocked as when I was a first year writing student. I think you and I both probably need to just write more and study less for a bit. Give what we’re learning a chance to gel. At least, that’s what I plan to try.

Comment by Kristi Holl — November 1, 2010 @ 9:01 am