August 20, 2010

If a friend from your critique group told you ”I just can’t get started on my story today,” what would you say? “Get moving, you lazy do-nothing wannabe!” I hope not!

If your writing friend bemoans receiving another rejection, do you say, “Well, what did you expect? Your novel stinks!”?

I would hope not. Most of us are better friends than that…except to ourselves.

Your Own Best Friend

Listen to how you talk to yourself. When you procrastinate, do you beat yourself up? Do you call yourself names? And to paraphrase Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for you?” Does it spur you on to do your best writing–or to give up and eat a pint of ice cream?

When you receive a rejection, do you downgrade your writing? Do you tell yourself that publishing is just a pipe dream, that it’s for others but not for you?

Do you say things to yourself that you would NEVER say to a writer friend?

Time to STOP!

Learn to tell yourself the truth–but with kindness. Be a mirror that reflects back understanding. If you got off course, gently encourage yourself back on the writing path you want to travel.

Not:

• You’re so lazy that you’ll never get anything written and published.
• No editor or agent will ever read your novel, much less publish it!
• You only have friends on Facebook because they don’t really know you.

Say this instead:

• You may have trouble getting started because you’re afraid of something. Try journaling to get to the bottom of it.
• You may (or may not) find an editor who loves your novel–but you’ll never know if you don’t keep sending it out. Let’s try one more time.
• Many people in your real life know you and love you. Make a list. Be thankful for each person on the list.

Be That Good Friend

The next time you stall or hit a rough spot in your work, talk to yourself like a true friend would. Be kind, be understanding, give some praise, and encourage yourself to try again.

You can be your own best friend.

5 Comments »

1. 

   I’ve never considered myself a negative person, but I’ve had to wake up to the fact that a lot of my thoughts–and comments–may come across that way. Being “the voice of reason” can also mean being seen as negative. I’ve been changing my internal dialogue, and as a result, I find myself cheering myself on and accomplishing so much more!

   Comment by PatriciaW — August 20, 2010 @ 10:10 am

2. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by NESI, KristiHoll. KristiHoll said: New post: Be Your Own Best (Writing) Friend: If a friend from your critique group told you ”I just can’t get… http://tinyurl.com/23e8gut [...]

   Pingback by Tweets that mention Writers First Aid » Be Your Own Best (Writing) Friend -- Topsy.com — August 20, 2010 @ 12:13 pm

3. 

   Patricia, I’ve come to the same conclusion myself! I just received my copy of the book, so I hope that I will be seeing a transformation soon!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — August 23, 2010 @ 7:09 am

4. 

   Hi Kristi – it’s so true that we are often our own worst enemies. I am in the midst of a cool online program called the “Inner Mean Girl” 40-day cleanse. It’s run by a friend of mine, and I’ve already found I’m much more at the mercy of that voice inside my head than I ever realized. That’s what I’m trying to change, so that I can be my own supporter instead of constantly knocking myself down.

   It’s so bizarre how we’re so intent on hurting ourselves, isn’t it?

   Comment by Julie Hedlund — August 26, 2010 @ 9:19 am

5. 

   Kristi,
   I really appreciated what you said here. I have gotten discouraged about so many rejections lately. And thinking that publication is just for others, not me. And also unsure of whether I really will be able to write my book. So thanks for the encouragement to be nice to myself and not just to others.
   Megan

   Comment by Megan — September 10, 2010 @ 5:57 pm

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