November 25, 2009

For the last four months, besides working full-time as a writer and instructor, I’ve been heavily involved in running two community groups and serving on the board of another. The biggest commitment finishes just before Christmas, and frankly, it’s just in time. I’m pooped!

I have been reading a great book called The Worn Out Woman: When Your Life is Full and Your Spirit is Empty by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice  Gray. There is a lot of wisdom in this book. (And as I’ve talked with men who juggle a day job, a family, and writing, I’ve come to believe the following is not gender specific.)

How Did I Get Here?

“Most worn-out women struggle with expectations. Everyone seems to want more and more. They want you to do things better and bigger and quicker, all the while with a smile on your face. Everywhere you turn, there’s another expectation…until you’re exhausted just thinking about it,” say the authors. “Your family, your friends, your work, your neighbors, and even your church have expectations for you. You have expectations for yourself as well. It’s too much. Yet the shoulds and oughts don’t stop. As they grow, you can feel the arms of the octopus wrapping tighter.”

And what do Stephens and Gray say is the answer? “The only way to stop the octopus from dragging you down is to starve it.” If you take away the three foods it thrives on, the octopus will lose its power. The three foods are comparison, people pleasing, and perfectionism.

Know Thyself

Only you know where the three “foods” show up in your life. Are you a perfectionist housekeeper who won’t allow anyone to help you–even your family members–because they don’t clean up to your standards? Do you compare your flower beds to your neighbors and then spend your precious writing time weeding and watering? Are you afraid to displease your mother-in-law when she requests your presence on the Saturday you planned to write at the library?

Take a good look at the behaviors that are wearing you out and robbing you of your writing time. Plans on how to get rid of them would make some good new year’s resolutions!

4 Comments »

1. 

   Wow, this is so true! At various times, I fall prey to all 3 of those “foods,” which are actually poisons. I’m pretty good at starving comparisons with others, but I’m still adapting to a new life in a new place with new roles and find myself comparing the new me with the old one. Gotta unwrap those tentacles and move on! Thanks, Kristi.

   jane

   Comment by Jane Healy — November 25, 2009 @ 8:48 am

2. 

   Jane, you’re in both a very hard place and an enviable one. It reminds me of when we moved when my girls were younger. My oldest daughter was a junior in high school. She was moving to a new town, with new friends, new church, newly divorced mom, everything new for her last years of high school. She looked at it as an opportunity to be whoever she wanted to be–more outgoing, more risk-taking, etc. You’re having to make a LOT of choices right now–good time to unwrap those tentacles, as you said! [But I know--much easier said that done.]

   Comment by Kristi Holl — November 25, 2009 @ 9:11 am

3. 

   Happy Thanksgiving, Kristi. Ours was last month, so I’m glad I don’t have to interrupt my NaNo to entertain…lol…but I hope you enjoy it and have a little time to relax.

   Comment by Yvette — November 25, 2009 @ 9:43 pm

4. 

   Thanks, Yvette! Luckily, I tend to wake up very early compared to other people. So far I’ve been able to do my NaNo words before the rest of the household wakes up. It helps, too, that my company is a rare family who is easy to have around. And my husband’s grandkids are so polite and sweet–and such readers!–that we have great discussions. If you’re going to have company during NaNo, this is the kind to have!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — November 27, 2009 @ 6:14 am

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