November 9, 2009

“10 Habits of a Successful Writer” was the article title in my new writer’s magazine. Same old, same old, I thought, intending to skip over it. After all, I knew the rules by heart: write every day, write what you know, write first in the day, etc.

Then I glanced at the actual list of writing habits, and none of those “rules” were there. Instead I saw things like “the habit of rehearsal,” “the habit of ease,” and “the habit of reacting.”

I was hooked.

The article by Donald M. Murray (writing teacher and Pulitzer Prize winner) was a 1992 article reprinted in the December, 2009 The Writer Magazine. On “the habit of reacting,” he wrote: “I am aware of my reaction to my world, paying attention to what I do not expect, to what is that should not be, to what isn’t that should be. I am a student to my own life, allowing my feelings to ignite my thoughts… I notice my writing habits, and from that grow this article. I see signs for a house tour, feel an unexpected anger at the smugness of those who invite tours into their homes, and end up writing a humorous piece about an imaginary tour through a normally messed-up house, ours. I have taught myself to value my own responses to the world-and to share them with readers. I build on my habit of reacting.”

Value YOUR Reactions

I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to curb my reactions. Because of my personality, I tend to react quickly, have strong opinions about everything and everyone, and think I know how to fix everybody and every injustice I see. (”Oh, Kristi, calm down,” was a phrase that always annoyed me.) Obviously, for the sake of my relationships, I’ve had to learn to keep most of my critical opinions to myself and stop trying to fix people and situations, most of which are none of my business.

But try as I might, the inner opinions and reactions don’t stop. Sometimes I think I will pop a cork if I have to keep quiet one more minute. (Literally, I leave the room sometimes to get a grip on my mouth.) While all this is well and good-and necessary for peaceful relationships-I think it’s had a negative effect on my writing.

I was discussing this with a writing friend-the problem I was having infusing enough conflict into my novels lately. Everyone had become so “nice.” Few strong opinions were expressed by my characters anymore, and they mostly kept their feelings hidden. I found them boring and, for the first time in my writing career, I was abandoning projects half-finished.

The Habit of Reacting

My personality type will probably never stop reacting, but after reading this article, I’ve decided to write down all the strong reactions I have to people and things and situations. Instead of biting my tongue till I implode or get a headache, I’m going to make a “reaction journal.” In it I am going to say what I really feel and think about the events of my day.

Later, when appropriate, I’m going to let my characters react! They’re going to say the things I’m thinking behind my bland tolerant smile. They’re going to say the things I no longer feel are right or necessary to say to people inhabiting my real world. It will keep the conflict out of my relationships, but add it to my characters and stories where it will do some good.

As Julia Cameron says, “Keep the drama on the page.”

12 Comments »

1. 

   So, so so true, Kristi! I’m so glad you posted this today. I’ve been going through some of the same thoughts, realizing that I’ve suppressed a lot of my own reactions for the sake of peace, but it bleeds out into my writing. Sometimes, not for the better of it.

   Thanks for the advice.

   Comment by Kristi Faith — November 9, 2009 @ 7:36 am

2. 

   Kristi,

   You have captures the essence of me. I think I was borned with foot-in-mouth disease, not in a mean way, just I never know when to stop. It took me most of my life to get it to be manageable. Now I can be found makeing a mad dash to the ladies room. Just let them think it is a weak bladder, I know the truth. lol.

   I love reading your work.

   Peg Finley/peg366
   Http://peg366.wordpress.com

   Comment by Peg366 — November 9, 2009 @ 12:56 pm

3. 

   Kristi and Peg, thanks for your comments! Sometimes one of our biggest blessings (being able to communicate) can also be one of our biggest problems! One of my favorite books over the years was Joyce Meyer’s ME AND MY BIG MOUTH. I just need to channel those words that cause conflict into my characters’ mouths where it will be helpful!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — November 9, 2009 @ 5:43 pm

4. 

   This is great. Over the past few years, I have come to appreciate a phrase by Ruth Haley Barton - “gentle noticing.” I find myself scourging myself so harshly at times - for thoughts, feelings, etc. This gentle noticing reminds me to give myself space to look at those things in a non-judgmental way. As another friend tells me, “feelings are there to inform us.” This reaction journal could be another way of doing that. Great idea.

   Comment by Dianne — November 10, 2009 @ 6:29 am

5. 

   Dianne, how I love your phrase “gentle noticing.” I need to remind myself to do that–both with others and myself.

   Comment by Kristi Holl — November 10, 2009 @ 7:01 am

6. 

   Hey Kristi, what an insightful blog–something all us “nice” (on the outside, anyway) girls need to hear. I’m going to try this myself, writing my reactions more in my journal. Seems like it could have the added effect of creating more peace in the home (as unlike you, I’m not as good at controlling my reactions in real life). Best, Linda

   Comment by Linda Egenes — November 10, 2009 @ 7:07 am

7. 

   Hi, Linda! Great to hear from you! I’m glad I’m not the only one out there who has trouble controlling her words and reactions. I do thinking writing–and giving our villains the things we’d really LOVE to say–is a good outlet!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — November 10, 2009 @ 7:15 am

8. 

   This is really good, as is Donald Hall’s quote. Lately when I have been in circumstances that I would normally find unpleasant, I think, “File this. You can use it in a story someday.” Suddenly, the whole experience becomes not only tolerable, but interesting!

   Comment by Jane Heitman Healy — November 10, 2009 @ 7:24 am

9. 

   Jane, what a great idea! That “file it for future use” attitude could help us step back a bit emotionally from the scene and almost take mental notes like a reporter. It would certainly help us put more tension and conflict in the scenes we’re writing!

   Comment by Kristi Holl — November 10, 2009 @ 10:37 am

10. 

    Great post. I’ve been having a tough time writing an explosive scene (my story people are much too nice)… and my husband pointed out that all I need to do is to look at my daughter in her spitfire moments and use that energy for my character. Easier said than done, but my scene is a lot better …

    Comment by Vijaya — November 10, 2009 @ 3:17 pm

11. 

    Great insight. The general consensus is we are all doing this. Beautiful as emotions are they can sure get us and our characters in trouble. I am also using poetry as a venting spot

    Comment by Leslie Moon — November 10, 2009 @ 9:21 pm

12. 

    Hi Kristi!

    I love this post. I have been told to “calm down” a lot of my life, too! I’d get all up in arms about something and BAM…foot in mouth. So this is just a fabulous post to me in soooo many ways. “Keep the drama on the page” is going to stick in my head now.

    Thanks for a great post!

    hugs,
    Donna
    http://www.wordwranglernc.wordpress.com
    http://www.write2ignite.wordpress.com

    Comment by Donna Earnhardt — November 12, 2009 @ 6:23 am

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