Blogger KRISTI HOLL is the author of 42 books, including MORE WRITER'S FIRST AID.

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Lexophile: Lover of Cryptic Writing

July 23, 2008

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES
This was sent to me last year, and I just found it this morning. It gave me a laugh–I hope it will brighten your day too.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell fell broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.


Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner..
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
A calendar’s days are numbered.


A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.
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4 Comments »

  1. Thanks for the chuckle. I’ll have to try some of these out on my friends.

    Blessings,
    Susan :)

    Comment by Susan J. Reinhardt — July 23, 2008 @ 3:15 pm

  2. Or maybe some funny character in a story could spout these witticisms.

    Comment by Kristi Holl — July 23, 2008 @ 5:29 pm

  3. Cool idea! They’re not copyrighted by anyone?

    Susan :)

    Comment by Susan J. Reinhardt — July 24, 2008 @ 10:44 pm

  4. I don’t know that you can copyright a phrase or sentence, unless it’s something like a trademark phrase like Nike’s “Just do it!” Even then, there’s nothing to stop me from having a character say, “Just do it!” in a book. So, no, I don’t think it’s a danger. But I couldn’t use that phrase for a trademark probably for a new product.

    Comment by Kristi Holl — July 25, 2008 @ 11:21 am

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