Blogger KRISTI HOLL is the author of 42 books, including MORE WRITER'S FIRST AID.

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Lexophile: Lover of Cryptic Writing

July 23, 2008

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES
This was sent to me last year, and I just found it this morning. It gave me a laugh–I hope it will brighten your day too.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell fell broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.


Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner..
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
A calendar’s days are numbered.


A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.
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Give Your Characters YOUR Secrets

July 21, 2008

I’m always reading articles on writing with your original voice and writing honestly, so I read Rob Parnell’s article “Baring Your Soul: a Writer’s Guide” with interest. It’s about having the guts to write honestly about what you think, how you feel, what you’ve done, and who you are.

After I read Rob’s six exercises (see below,) I couldn’t help thinking that the answers to these questions would make great traits and backstory and fodder for your villains and quirky characters in your novels.

Do go and read the whole article, but here are the questions. Copy them into your writing notebook or your idea file, then take time to answer them–honestly. I plan to!

1. Write about the worst thing that’s happened to you. Get it all out, every feeling, however low, every nuance of how it went down, who was to blame and how much you hate the people or events that caused it to happen.

2. Write about the most horrible thing you’ve ever done. It’s easy for us to write about nice things and the good in ourselves but we hide from our other, darker side. No more – write down the most nasty vicious things you’ve ever thought or done. Don’t be afraid, you don’t have to show them to anyone – but you do need to purge those demons and get them out on paper.

3. List your crimes/sins in detail. All of us are a mess of good and bad. The facade we present to the world is an amalgam of what we want others to see. We all have bad thoughts and evil moments – it’s how we deal with them that makes us who we are. Get it all out in the open.

4. Name your enemies and describe them. Really try to get inside the people you don’t like – describe their physical appearance but also try to imagine how their minds work -and what they think about – especially about you.

5. Write about your embarrassing habits. Leave no stone unturned. No matter how bad, write about the things you wouldn’t mention to a soul. Write down exactly what it is you enjoy – or hate – about those private little things you do when nobody’s looking.

6. Write about your secret prejudices. We all have them – thoughts and notions that we know are not quite politically correct or acceptable, even to ourselves sometimes. But get them down on paper, explore your logic behind them and how they shape your more conventional notions.
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(Writing) Life Interrupted

July 9, 2008

Last night, after a satisfying two days of writing and being right on track with a deadline this week, I got some news that threw my tight schedule out the window for five days. I woke up at 4 a.m. thinking about what to do and putting in some extra prayer time. Then, when checking email, I received a Google Alert, those little email notices that tell you when someone has mentioned you somewhere online. I clicked through and found a post by my former writing student, Myra Johnson, called “When Life Interrupts.” Yes! Terrific article–and good ideas in the comments section as well. I had to smile at what Myra had written about me. In part she said, “She’s an expert in working through the interruptions!” I thought Hmmmm… If I was such an expert, then I could stop floundering as I tried to reclaim in my writing schedule for the week.

Sometimes we only need to be reminded about what we already know. Then we need to apply what we know. Feeling a bit silly, I opened my own book, Writer’s First Aid and read a few chapters in the “Getting Started” and “Work Habits That Work for You” sections. I came across a couple ideas to help me get back on track quickly today–before any more time is lost. Thanks for the reminder, Myra! Life IS interruptions–so let’s deal with them.
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My Own Worst Enemy?

July 7, 2008

Over the long holiday weekend, I had a chance to catch up on some reading. Craig Harper’s motivational blog had a couple thought-provoking articles: “Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs” Part 1 and Part 2. As I looked at my life and my office, I realized that it was filling up the last few years with things I never expected to be a part of my life: exhaustion, an extra ten pounds, unfinished writing projects, hobbies let go… Sounds depressing, doesn’t it? Oddly enough, it’s also the happiest time of my life. I’m starting to wonder if I thrived in the past on stress and adrenaline. While I don’t miss being driven, I’d like to have the drive back! Why had so many parts of my personal and professional life seemingly gone backwards?
According to the self-limiting beliefs articles: We all have core beliefs. Things which consciously or not, we have made to be truth in our mind. Some of those beliefs serve us well and are positives in our lives, while others simply get in the way of our potential and our possibilities. To a large extent our beliefs dictate our behaviours, which in turn determine the type of results we produce in our world. In many ways our beliefs become our reality. Even if only in our mind.
Something clicked as I read this. I was producing many different results in my life lately, results I wasn’t particularly pleased with. What was I believing now that was different? What ideas were dictating my more lax behavior in so many areas? Definite food for thought and journaling. Is this happening in your life as well?
Here are (Craig Harper’s) five great questions to ask yourself about your beliefs:
  1. What is my belief about this particular issue?
  2. Where did that belief come from?
  3. Does it empower me or limit me?
  4. Is it based in logic or emotion?
  5. Do I need to change it?

Part 2 of his article describes the ten lessons he learned from changing his defeatist beliefs. See if they don’t resonate with you too. They did with me! I’m going to be giving a lot of thought to this idea in coming weeks–and how I can apply it to various areas of my life, including my writing career. What areas of your life would you like to see changed?

Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2)

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